Chapter 102 - The Story of Yesterday Once More
"Christmas?"
Yuko almost flinched at the boy's expression, which seemed to say, "What on earth are you talking about?" but she felt she couldn't back down here. Yuko took another step toward the boy, who was sitting on the floor disassembling a rifle on a spread-out blanket.
"That's right, Christmas. Let's exchange presents and make a cake to eat together."
"Where are you going to get presents and cake? No shops are open."
"Presents can be made or squeezed out from everyone's personal belongings. You don't need to worry about the cake; we still have butter, and we're growing strawberries in the greenhouse. We don't have milk, so whipped cream will be difficult, though."
"That's not what I'm asking. Why are you saying such carefree things at a time like this?"
"It's precisely because it's a time like this."
Normally, at Sayuri Girls' Academy, students would return home for winter break in late December, so Christmas-related events had never been held. At most, they decorated a tree or had cake served with school lunch. Since it wasn't a religious school, they didn't put much effort into Christian events, and students were expected to celebrate Christmas in their hometowns.
However, things were different this year. Ten students were left behind at the academy with no way to return home. Even if they could return, there was no guarantee that the hometown they knew would be there. The eleven survivors, including Yuko, were forced to spend Christmas at the academy.
It was Yuko who suggested celebrating Christmas, exchanging presents, and making a cake. Precisely because times were like this, she wanted to provide the students with a fun event once in a while. It was a proposal born from that thought. Since the boy had come and shown them the disastrous state outside the academy, the students had clearly lost their energy. At this rate, even if they managed not to be attacked by the infected, the students' hearts would rot from the inside.
Accepting the harsh reality is important for survival, but having hope is also vital. Yuko wanted to give the students hope. They needed an experience that made them think, "I'm glad I'm alive," and "I want to keep living from now on."
That was what Christmas was for. On this day at least, they could forget the bloody reality outside and immerse themselves in memories of the fun and peaceful days of the past. However, she could easily imagine that the boy would oppose it.
"What's the point of celebrating Christmas? The punchline is that you'll just be thrust back into the dark world of reality the next day, and the fun mood will be ruined in an instant. It's meaningless, a waste of time and effort."
Just as expected. Certainly, there was some truth in what he said. Celebrating Christmas was just averting one's eyes from the harsh reality in front of them for a short while. Celebrating wouldn't change the world outside.
However, a breather was also necessary. The students, who had been constantly exposed to the threat of the unseen infected, were quite exhausted. Especially the last ten days or so had been tumultuous every day. They were informed of the disastrous state of the devastated world outside by the boy who suddenly appeared, and witnessed it directly with their own eyes. They learned how to fight to survive and had only just fired a gun for the first time the other day.
"Certainly, what I'm trying to do might be meaningless. I know very well myself that it's just averting my eyes from reality for a little bit. But continuing to stare directly at the harsh reality in front of us shouldn't be the only important thing for living on from here. Someday a peaceful world will come again, and days where we can lead lives like before will arrive. I think remembering the past is necessary to hold onto that kind of hope."
"...That kind of world won't come."
But Yuko didn't give up. Purely as a teacher, she understood that she had to make the boy participate in this event no matter what.
She knew that the kind of person who could survive in this world was someone like him. Without cold-blooded judgment, a will like iron, and the resolve to eliminate everything that stands in the way for the sake of one's own survival, one could not live in this world where the infected wander.
But what waits at the end of that way of life? Trusting no one, making no allies, living all alone in solitude. Indifferently using women and children as stepping stones for one's own survival. Continuing to live while regarding the whole world as an enemy—that is no longer human, but a way of life that has stepped into the realm of monsters.
A certain philosopher once said: "He who fights with monsters might take care lest he thereby become a monster. And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you."
While fighting the monsters known as the infected and continuing to fight the cruel logic of this world, the boy was on the verge of becoming a monster himself. Rather, there was a sense that he was trying to become one of his own accord. Unless one becomes a monster who has cast aside all sense of ethics and morality, one cannot live in this world overflowing with the monsters known as the infected.
And the boy had understood through his own body the new logic of this world: that he had to leave many people to die, lay hands on those close to him, and kill people in order to survive. Yuko had to pull the boy back from the abyss no matter what. Before he truly became a monster, she had to make him understand that he too was human. For that reason, she had to make him participate in the Christmas event no matter what.
She had to make him remember that, in truth, the world is such a peaceful and fun place.
"Anyway, you must participate. The present can be anything. We'll do all the other preparations."
"What if I don't participate?"
"No cake after dinner, and ten pages of reflection essays. ...I'm joking, I believe you'll participate. The Christmas party will be on the night of the 24th, so prepare something by then."
Glancing at Yuko's back as she walked away after saying that, the boy quickly reassembled the rifle parts spread out on the blanket. He didn't have the slightest intention of participating in the Christmas party.
The boy had been negative toward the event of Christmas since long ago. The boy's argument was why he had to celebrate the holiday of a religion he didn't even believe in, but it cannot be denied that his true feeling was that he didn't have a girlfriend to spend the holy night with and was envious of lovers spending the 24th harmoniously. However, now the circumstances were different. Regardless of lovers or religion, he thought such events were a waste.
A waste of effort. Even the concept of days of the week was already disappearing, so what was the point of celebrating on a specific day? Even if he could spend Christmas in a festive mood, he would have to face the harsh reality again the next day. In that case, it was better not to do anything.
His father, who had become Santa Claus and placed presents by his pillow when the boy was young, and his mother, who had made cakes, were no longer here. Doing such an event would only make him feel pain by remembering the peaceful past. That's why he wouldn't do it. There was no need to do it.
"...There's no meaning in it."
Muttering so, the boy pulled the bolt handle of the assembled automatic rifle and placed his finger on the trigger. In the classroom where he was all alone, the dry sound of the hammer falling echoed.
From the afternoon of that day, a supply procurement in the village was on the schedule. The search range had already expanded to the center of the village, but as expected, not a single survivor was to be found. What remained were only corpses and a few infected; there were no living humans other than the boy and his group.
There were gas stations and supermarkets in the center of the village, where supplies could be procured. However, judging from the disastrous state of the village, it was doubtful how many supplies remained. Since there was no doubt the village had been safe for a while after the outbreak, there was a high possibility that food and other items had been taken away during that time.
"We'll go procure gasoline. You teachers check the supermarket."
Arriving at the village, they split into two groups and began their actions. Those who visited the village with the boy this time were Yuko, Rei, and Aoi. Yuko and Rei headed to check if any preserved food remained in the supermarket, while the boy and Aoi planned to drive directly to the gas station to secure fuel. Safety had already been confirmed up to the point where the gas station was located.
"Avoid unnecessary firing. However, do not hesitate to fire when you think it's necessary. The same applies even if the opponent is human."
Weapons had been handed to everyone. Everyone had already learned how to use a gun and was armed with a shotgun. They had also been given enough ammunition to protect themselves in case of emergency.
Handing over guns increased the possibility of being shot from behind, but it was unavoidable. It was better than not handing over guns out of fear of betrayal and fighting all alone. Besides, seeing their actions since coming here, the boy had judged that they likely didn't have the courage to shoot a person.
"Regardless of whether there are results or not, let's gather at the gas station in one hour."
With those words as the last, the split-group action began. Cradling heavy shotguns, Yuko and Rei ran toward the direction where the village's only supermarket was located. Meanwhile, the boy and Aoi returned to the car and drove toward the gas station.
"I hope gasoline and diesel remain."
Aoi, sitting in the passenger seat, muttered while looking back at the rear seat. Several jerry cans brought from the academy were rolling around in the rear seat, but it was uncertain if enough gasoline remained to fill them all. Since the lifelines were cut, electricity would have been supplied by private generators in this village too, and they might have used up all the fuel at the gas station then.
"Let's hope it remains."
Answering so, the boy drove the car on a road where not even a stray cat passed. As they approached the center of the village, traces of chaos could be seen here and there.
A passenger car that had crashed into a private house, the broken glass window of a tobacco shop, and corpses rolling on the roadside... But compared to the village's population, the number of corpses was small. Had they escaped, or had they themselves turned into infected?
"Ah, there it is."
The gas station that eventually came into view was a small one that felt like a typical rural, privately-owned business. The fuel pump's meter was analog, and rust was spreading on the pillars supporting the roof. There was also a shop at the back of the station, but the windows were grimy. He had heard that the number of gas stations going out of business was increasing due to revisions in the Fire Service Act, becoming a problem in the countryside, and this place had an old-fashioned feel that was exactly on the verge of closing down.
He checked the surroundings just in case, but no infected could be seen. Immediately, the two began their work. Bringing an emergency manual pump from the small warehouse in the back, they opened the lid of the underground tank and lowered the hose. It was a fuel procurement method that was becoming commonplace for the boy, but it seemed fresh to Aoi. Aoi watched every single move of the boy with a gaze as if she respected him.
"You're amazing, Captain! Where on earth did you get this kind of knowledge?"
"Gas stations aren't open anymore; if you want to procure fuel, you'll learn it whether you like it or not. More importantly, watch out for static electricity. I don't want to see any ugly fireworks."
It was lucky that there was a student who had static electricity removal goods. Apparently, girls cared about these things. While Aoi touched the static removal keychain before gripping the handle to operate the pump, the boy decided to explore inside the shop too.
Even though it was called a shop, the selection wasn't as large as a convenience store. At most, it sold light snacks and magazines, and didn't stock any preserved foods like canned goods. While going around the shop throwing snacks and canned drinks that hadn't expired into a basket, he noticed something placed on the register. A portable cassette player with earphones, seemingly the owner's possession, was lying on the counter.
Suddenly, he remembered an event from several months ago. Before meeting the comrades who were no longer here, he had found a similar cassette player in a room of an apartment where he was hiding. He had thrown that away along with his backpack when escaping from the infected, and didn't have it now.
Overcome with nostalgia, he instinctively picked up the player. He looked around and checked the situation outside through the window glass, and after confirming there were no abnormalities in the surroundings, he softly fitted the earphones into his ears. When he pressed the play button, an English song began to flow with a female voice along with a piano performance.
"...The Carpenters, huh."
It was a song released long before he was born, but the boy knew this song. His English teacher in middle school always played foreign songs during class to get the students familiar with English. Thanks to that, the boy knew foreign songs from his father's generation, like the Beatles and such, to some extent.
This song had also been played during English class. A song reminiscing about days gone by. The boy, too, was remembering the past while listening to this song.
Elementary school days when he could play every day without thinking about the future at all. Middle school days when he learned various things while worrying about periodic exams. And high school days when he overcame a tough entrance exam and was approaching adulthood step by step. All of them had become past events, just like this song.
In the past, he could spend every day with hope for the future. While holding his head over daily worries, he believed without doubt that a bright future would come.
But the world had changed greatly. Those peaceful days would never return again. His father, mother, friends, and everything else had gone to a place beyond his reach.
What remained for him now were only weapons and knowledge. He gripped a gun instead of a pen and learned how to kill people instead of English words. Fight, kill, and live. That became the new daily life.
Even if he said "Yesterday once more," those peaceful days wouldn't return, and everything he had done wouldn't disappear cleanly. In that case, he had no choice but to push forward on this path. Even if it was a wrong path, this was the only way of life he knew.
Remembering the past and immersing oneself in sentimentality were all useless things. Doing such things wouldn't change the reality in front of him, nor would it solve any problems.
——Even so, the boy couldn't stop listening to the song until the end.
I look forward to your opinions and impressions.