Chapter 110 - The Story of the Man Who Sold the World
The series of events that occurred in the village were conveyed to the students with the conclusion hidden. The students believe that Yuko and Rei encountered survivors in the village but were released through negotiation, and the survivors left for another place. Those who knew the truth were only the boy, Aoi, and the captured Yuko and Rei. And the only one who knew the aftermath of the survivors was the boy who had directly laid hands on them. He hadn't said that he had killed many people by the time he reached Yuko and the other.
The boy had kept quiet to the other three about the fact that he had killed all the survivors. He had told them, "While I was thinking about the treatment of the survivors, infected who heard the gunshots came, so I left them behind and fled." And that they should not approach the campground because it was overflowing with infected.
If he told the fact as it was, the students would likely be shocked. At worst, they might lose the courage to try to go outside ever again. In that case, he thought it was better to first convey to them that there were many dangerous people outside to build up their resistance, and then teach them that it was a world where they couldn't live unless they killed. Especially the fact that he had killed nearly 30 people, including women and children who had thrown away their weapons for safety, should not be taught right now, the boy thought.
However, even as he tried to convince himself so, the boy himself couldn't understand why he was lying. Despite usually telling them to look at reality, he was covering up that reality himself. He should show them this time too, that scene where he killed 30 people to prevent revenge.
Does not doing so mean that he is wrong? Anyone doesn't want their mistakes or faults to be seen by others. Is he hiding the fact of the mass murder because he doesn't want to expose his mistake to the public?
I am not wrong. While self-questioning, the boy repeatedly gave that answer and tried to stop thinking. However, no matter how much he continued to deny it, the question "Was that okay?" didn't vanish from his heart.
The Christmas Yuko had planned was properly held on the 24th. A luxurious dinner with specially increased amounts and types was served, and for dessert, fruits grown in the greenhouse or canned were arranged, and pancakes with plenty of jam and honey were provided to everyone. After the meal, bingo and a karaoke contest were held, and finally, a present exchange was also performed.
"...What's this?"
The present package Aki received was a quite small box. What was inside was an army knife with a red grip and various tools.
"Ah, that's mine."
"This knife is Sugishita-san's? ...I thought our academy was supposed to prohibit bringing in dangerous items."
"A knife is a tool! Besides, it's something that doesn't violate the Swords and Firearms Control Act, so it's okay!"
She felt like that wasn't the issue, but Aki decided to accept it obediently. Thinking that a strict dormitory warden would have flipped out, she put the knife in her pocket. This was practical in its own way and would be quite useful in today's world. There would be plenty of opportunities to use it.
Since most were prepared within the school, the presents were cruder than the Christmas Aki knew. Aki had prepared an unused fountain pen, and Rei seemed to have presented a collection of poems she had. Although Rei is popular with underclassmen, so they would have been happy no matter what she presented.
"One present is left over, is there anyone who hasn't received one?"
While everyone was opening the packages they received, Sakuma was calling out while holding the only remaining package. Aki looked around, but there was no student who hadn't received a present. Then, who was that for...
"Ah, that's probably his."
The one who said so was Yuko, who was opening a present wrapped in newspaper in a truly haphazard way. What came out of the package she received was an old cassette-type portable music player. "That's..." Aoi showed a surprised face. Apparently, it was a present from the boy.
"It's unexpected, I thought for sure he'd ignore Christmas."
"Me too. Actually, I was told that Christmas was a waste."
According to Aoi, that music player seemed to be something picked up in the village. Was it a mere whim, or was he a dutiful person who would participate in an event for once? Anyway, Aki felt somehow happy that he also participated in Christmas. Certainly it might be a waste, but humans would need wasteful things to live. If all wasteful things were shaved off, such a human would be the same as a robot. The boy too must be proof of being human.
"By the way, Sergeant-dono, I don't see him..."
"If he's not here, he's in the classroom. I'll go hand him the present."
Saying so, Yuko took the present Sakuma held and walked toward the classroom building. She didn't know whose present the one for the boy was.
As Yuko expected, the boy was in the classroom assigned as his own room. On a blanket spread on the floor, parts of a disassembled rifle were lined up. To the boy who was cleaning the barrel by attaching a cloth to the tip of a long rod, Yuko called out.
"Aren't you going to participate?"
"I told you it's meaningless."
"Then, what about this present?"
Saying so, Yuko held up the music player the boy had brought from the village. The boy only cast a glance at her and immediately returned his gaze.
"Nothing. It wasn't mine originally, and I don't need it anymore."
"...You don't have to push yourself."
Yuko felt from the boy's back as if he was being stubborn somewhere. Even though there must be a feeling somewhere in his heart that he wants to enjoy it, he is forcefully suppressing himself. Prioritizing survival and cutting off everything other than necessary acts as a waste. Because he believes he can't live unless he does so.
Surely he must have a serious personality, Yuko thought. That's why once he has decided something, he tries to keep it no matter what. Believing that following the rules he decided is the only way to survive might be robbing him of flexible thinking.
But Yuko knew she didn't have the right to criticize the boy. The things she and he had experienced were different. For Yuko to criticize him, she would have to taste the same hell as him. The boy too must have reached a conclusion after thinking it through in his own way.
Yuko had one more thing she wanted to ask the boy. It was about those survivors who had attacked them.
Yuko and Rei were also involved in the cover-up of the truth. Aoi had only seen up to where the boy tortured the trio who came to attack, but the two had further witnessed him going around and killing the survivors. Yuko also didn't know what happened to those who survived after that.
However, she sensed that probably no one had survived. When the boy returned to the academy about an hour later than Yuko and the other, his car was full of luggage. And that night, she had witnessed the figure of the boy loading bullets into several empty magazines.
"There's something I want to ask, what happened to those people after you released us?"
"...I told you that infected came and they were all killed."
He was lying after all. If infected had attacked, there would be no time to leisurely collect the supplies the survivors had, and he would have fled before consuming dozens of bullets.
What she didn't understand was why the boy was lying. With his personality, he seemed like he would honestly say he killed them all, so why does he lie?
Probably conflicting emotions are mixed even in the boy's heart. At first glance, he looks like a cold-blooded human who has decided his way of life and eliminates any obstacles for that. But that is just armor he wears after surviving this hellish world, and what is inside is a human who holds much different emotions.
"Even if I had killed them, that would be something that couldn't be helped. I think it's natural to sacrifice the small to let the large live, but sometimes it's also necessary to sacrifice the large to let the small live."
"...I don't particularly intend to criticize you."
"Fear spreads in an instant, just like a virus. Once fear has spread, there's no way to handle it anymore. Even if I had let them go there, they surely would have decided on revenge against us. If that happened, it would be a killing match, we'd have to fight until one side was annihilated. I just eliminated that threat."
He was already as good as confessing that he had killed all the survivors. After finishing speaking all at once, the boy seemed to have come to his senses. From his current attitude, it was clear that no survivor remained. He turned his face away from Yuko and faced the rifle in his hand again.
"...Certainly I killed them all, I shot women and children too. But it couldn't be helped, they were saying they would find and kill us. If I hadn't killed everyone there, the ones who would have been killed were you guys. It wasn't just me who was sacrificing the large to let the small live. Since the infection spread in Japan, such scenes have been spreading everywhere. The JSDF was shooting citizens along with the infected, and dropping bridges people were crossing to prevent the intrusion of infected..."
His figure making such excuses looked like that of a boy of his age for once. He too was not completely convinced of what he was doing or what he had done. But no one taught him what he should do. That's why he suppressed that feeling and protected himself by killing everything that became a threat as he had seen.
Such a boy was pitiful, and Yuko instinctively tried to hug him from behind. However, the boy rejected her saying "Please go home already," and his tone had returned to that of a cold-blooded robot again.
"Whether you talk or don't talk about the fact that I killed them all is your freedom, teacher. But you should also consider the possibility that other students might fall into a panic as a result."
"...No, I'll keep quiet too. I can't let you take the blame alone, it was originally my fault."
"Blame? There are no longer judges or prosecutors to judge whether it's a crime, what I did was a legitimate act for survival."
After Yuko left the classroom, the boy assembled the rifle all at once. After attaching a magazine containing twenty 7.62mm rounds, he leaned the rifle against a nearby wall. When he stood up, he saw his own face reflected in the window.
Without knowing it, he looked like he had aged quite a bit. It wasn't that wrinkles increased on his face or his hair turned white. Even so, he could understand only that he had changed. His eyes had become sharp, and his smile had vanished. And the scar running above and below the eye socket carved on the right side of his face.
'You are wrong.' He felt like the self reflected in the window was saying so. To that, the boy answered himself, I am not wrong.
He had already cast away things like conscience or morality. Such things are not necessary to live in this world, rather they are just burdens. With previous ethics or common sense, one cannot live in the current world.
Even so, recently, he ends up thinking that he might be wrong. He should have cast away feelings of regret too. Even so, the boy couldn't get the survivors he had laid hands on out of his head.
"I am not wrong..."
Looking at his face reflected in the window, he muttered so. As he told Yuko, that was something that couldn't be helped. He just did the same thing as the adults who tried to stop the infection when it expanded in Japan.
A certain event was revived in the boy's mind. At the same time, he felt like the scar vanished for just an instant from his face reflected in the window.
Next time will be a flashback again. Chronologically it corresponds to immediately after Chapter 12 and will proceed from the protagonist's perspective.