Chapter 115 - Episode 102: A Story Where a Bold Confession is a Girl's Privilege
(For some reason) this work has passed the second selection for the Net Novel Awards. The fact that I was able to work hard this far is precisely because of everyone's voices saying it's interesting. Thank you.
I've already enjoyed the Net Novel Awards enough just by remaining in the second selection, but I'd like to remain in the final selection if possible, so I'd be happy if you could continue to support me.
Since then, the boy had once again begun to keep his distance from everyone. Because he arrived late for breakfast, he didn't even meet with everyone; he performed watch duty alone, and during his free time, he stayed holed up in the classroom he had been assigned. As for going out to the village for supply procurement, it was decided to postpone it for the time being due to the recent attack by a group of survivors. Therefore, while being on the same academy grounds, the boy almost never met or spoke with anyone.
On the students' side, they weren't as wary of him as when the boy first arrived. On the contrary, the opinion that he might be a trustworthy person was becoming the majority. Although they didn't know the truth of the matter, it was a fact that he had saved Yuko and the others.
However, as if in inverse proportion to that, the distance between him and the boy, whom they thought might have opened his heart once, was only increasing.
That day, too, the boy was gazing at the state of the outside from the roof of the school building. He had stretched electric wires and cables found in the village across the trees in the forest surrounding the academy, and furthermore, the construction of barricades was ninety percent complete. Lacking materials were procured by forcibly dismantling a prefab equipment shed that was in a corner of the schoolyard. Thanks to that, barricades with no structural problems are almost complete.
Turning his eyes to the schoolyard, there are the figures of girls brandishing guns. Running around among them, correcting their postures, and giving commands is Aoi. A military otaku and gun maniac, she didn't hesitate like the other girls even when actually holding a gun. On the contrary, she had mastered correct shooting postures and gun handling in no time. She had said, "I was practicing with an umbrella while watching tactical training videos," but thanks to that, he didn't have to end up teaching her from one to ten.
Aoi teaching the students how to handle guns was also convenient for the boy, who had begun to think he didn't want to involve himself with them. Because they cannot go outside the academy and ammunition is precious, they cannot conduct shooting practice using live rounds, but even so, the students' combat ability will have improved compared to before. While a head-on melee fight would be difficult due to physical size issues, they should be able to defeat two or three infected if they use guns.
The girls also know how to use guns. Although they have no experience shooting humans, they will be able to fight sufficiently.
The boy felt that he no longer had a place. It wasn't because he predicted they would learn how to fight and he would no longer be relied upon. In a more fundamental way, something about the people of this academy didn't fit with him.
"Ah, there you are. So you were in a place like this."
The one who appeared on the roof where the boy stood alone was Rei, who had been caught by survivors along with Yuko in the village just the other day. With her, too, there has been almost no opportunity to have a conversation since then. Since the boy was originally wary of Rei, it wasn't as if they had conversations normally anyway.
The boy was not good with her. No matter how much a junior feels anxiety, to be shown the sight of them boldly making out in broad daylight to resolve it, and on top of that, to be told that they were talking about trying to win him over with feminine wiles—there wouldn't be a person who wouldn't become bad with such a partner. The boy lightly put his hand on the automatic rifle slung from his shoulder and said, "It shouldn't be time for the shift change yet."
"Sensei said she realized just now that she forgot to give you a Christmas present. So I was asked to bring it."
"A present? I should have said I don't need one."
"Don't say that, just accept it. This is the one Sensei put out for the present exchange."
Saying so, the package Rei held out certainly had Yuko's name on it. Having no choice but to accept the present, the boy thrust the package into a pocket of the chest rig he was wearing without even checking the contents. Judging from the soft sensation, what was inside was likely a handkerchief or something.
"You're done with your business, so hurry up and go back."
"Well, don't say that, stay and talk with me for a bit."
Saying so, Rei rested her upper body on the handrail installed to surround the roof and looked down at the state below, just like the boy. Having judged it was useless no matter how many times he told her to go back, the boy looked away from her and this time gazed toward the forest.
"There's something I want to ask, is that okay?"
"Even if I say no, you're going to ask anyway."
"You understood well. Then I'll ask: why did you go out of your way to come save us when we were caught?"
Asked that, the boy was momentarily at a loss for an answer. He himself didn't understand why he had judged to go save Yuko and Rei at that time. And he felt that if he thought deeply about that matter, everything he had built up until now would collapse. That was why, ever since then, the boy had been trying not to think about why he went to save them.
"...Because if those guys had pulled information out of you, this place would be attacked. I just thought I'd crush them before that."
"Even if it were attacked, you could just flee alone; there's no need to go out of your way to protect this academy. Considering your words and actions up until now, I think doing that would have been quicker."
When told that, this time the boy truly couldn't say anything. Other people are only worth utilizing, and it's important that he survives even if he is alone. He had thought so until now, and he had said so even to the students of this academy. If he were to follow those words, at the point he judged Yuko and Rei were caught, he should have judged that this academy was no longer a safe zone and quickly headed somewhere else alone.
"But you went out of your way to brave danger to come save us."
"So what? Are you dissatisfied with being saved?"
"No, that's not it. It's that you might be a better person than you or we think."
At those words, laughter reflexively spilled from the boy's mouth. A person who has killed and abandoned many people until now, regardless of the presence or absence of his own will, is a good person? Just thinking that was ridiculous, the boy sneered at Rei. If someone like me is a good person, then even criminals who committed mass murder or terrorists are good people.
"I thought you were a smarter person, but you're a fool."
"I'm serious. I think you are probably a good person."
"I've already killed dozens of people. I'll tell you just in case, but after I saved you and Sensei, I killed everyone who remained at that campsite. Men, women, the elderly, and children—everyone. Even so, I'm a 'good person'?"
He hadn't told anyone except Yuko that he had killed everyone, including the comrades of those who attacked. With this, Rei will surely despise and fear me. That's fine, the boy thought. Ever since the first time I killed a person with these hands, I began to walk a path I couldn't return from. If so, even if what awaits at the end is hell, even if I am showered with people's fear, contemptuous gazes, and abuse, I have no choice but to keep moving forward.
But Rei didn't seem to be particularly shocked. That was a surprise to the boy. Although Rei seems to be detached in various ways compared to the other students, murder should be a taboo even for her.
"No matter how many people you've killed, I think you're a good person. Even if you were to commit murder, I think it's something that couldn't be helped. If the world weren't in this situation, you would surely be a kind person who couldn't even hurt someone."
"...What are you trying to say? Even if you praise me, nothing will come out, and I have no intention of doing anything. If you have no business, hurry up and go back."
The boy felt that he didn't want to be with Rei any longer. The words she said, "couldn't be helped," pierced his chest.
The truth is, even I didn't want to do such a thing. To kill everyone who attacks, and to kill their comrades all together because they might become a future threat—it's wrong. Yes, I am wrong.
Such words leaked out from the depths of his heart, and the boy was desperate to suppress those words. He didn't want to admit that he was wrong. He was doing the right thing to live; he had desperately convinced himself that it was precisely because he had thought so that he had survived until now.
But Rei's words disturb the boy's heart. That was why the boy felt he didn't want to be with her. If he kept listening to her words like this, the things he had suppressed until now, the various emotions he had hidden in the depths of his heart, would overflow and break him.
The boy turned his back to Rei and, by pretending to continue his watch of the outside, expressed his intention for her to "go back" with his whole body. While sighing as she looked at the boy's back, Rei muttered quietly, "You're stubborn..."
"Then I'll say it straight: I think I like you. Won't you be my boyfriend?"
"...Huh?"
The boy couldn't understand what Rei was saying. The word "like" was converted in his brain to "opening," and he seriously thought, "Is she telling me that I'm full of openings?" (T/N: 'Suki' can mean 'like' or 'opening/gap'). But such a thought was also understood by the boy as he finally realized he was being given a confession of love by Rei's words that followed: "Do you have a girlfriend or something? If not, it's okay, right?"
"...You're a fool."
"I'm told that often."
"To be able to indulge in playing at romance even in this situation, I want to know what the inside of your head is like. In the first place, you were trying to make me stay at this academy with feminine wiles, weren't you? I can't trust the words of such a person."
"It's true that in the beginning, because I didn't know what kind of person you were, I accidentally said such things. If you find that unpleasant, I apologize. But when I was saved by you the other day, I suddenly understood that I like you."
"That's what's called the suspension bridge effect, where a man and woman who overcome a pinch naturally become a couple in Hollywood movies. In the first place, I don't know anything about you enough to be able to like you."
While saying so with his mouth, the boy himself didn't understand what he was saying at the sudden confession of love. It was only natural that the boy, who had never made or received a confession of love in his life until now and had never even had a single girlfriend, didn't know how to respond to Rei's confession.
"I don't think liking someone is a matter of knowing or not knowing about the partner, though."
"How stupid. Isn't your head going crazy from the fear when you were taken hostage the other day? I have no intention of going along with your playing at romance."
The hands of his wristwatch already pointed to the shift change time for the watch. To the boy who was about to descend the stairs and return inside the school building with his rifle in hand, Rei called out from behind.
"Are you running away? Just like you have until now."
"Running away, you say?"
"You're running away, from various things. Even though there are many things you have to face, it looks to me like you're continuing to avert your eyes from them."
Running away. At those words, the boy was shouting, losing himself.
"What do you know about me?! Do you, who have spent your time peacefully in this academy all along, understand what kind of feelings I've had and what kind of things I've done to live?!"
Rei said something behind him, but nothing entered his ears anymore. The boy ran down the stairs all at once and headed toward the classroom he was using.