Chapter 174 - A Story of Revolution
The boy was not dead.
Immediately after the gunshot he heard within his fading consciousness, the strength left both of the Leader's hands that were around the boy's neck.
The Leader's lifeless body collapsed on top of the boy, whose arm was pinned to the ground. The Leader's hands, which had been blocking his throat with vice-like strength, were released, and the boy took a large breath of fresh air while coughing. He managed to push the heavy Leader off his body with his right arm alone.
He managed to move his head, which was lightheaded from lack of oxygen, and looked at the face of the motionless Leader beside him. The Leader's left eye, with his mouth half-open, was dyed bright red. Apparently, a bullet had hit him. From the eye socket, not tears, but red blood and a transparent, slushy liquid were flowing down.
Who shot him? The boy looked around while lying on the ground.
Standing about a dozen meters away from him was Aki, holding a handgun with both hands. Gunsmoke was rising from the muzzle of the handgun she held. Apparently, she was the one who shot the Leader.
The boy, who thought they would be at the safe house by now after he let them escape from The Brotherhood's base, hadn't expected in the slightest that Aki would be in this place. Both of Aki's legs, still holding the handgun, were trembling, and eventually, she slumped down on the spot.
"I shot him... I killed him..."
Mixed with the sound of the rain pounding against the ground, he heard Aki mutter those words like a delirium. He thought of saying something, but before he could, an intense pain shot through his left arm where the screwdriver was still stuck, and the boy let out a groan in spite of himself.
Hearing that voice, Aki raised her face with a start, as if surprised. She first looked at the Leader lying on the ground, and then at the boy who was fixed to the ground by the flat-head screwdriver.
"A-Are you okay!?"
The boy stopped Aki, who had raised her voice, with his right hand, which he could use freely. They had defeated the Leader, but the threat of the infected had not vanished. In a situation where there might still be infected around, they would be noticed if they raised their voices. It was still raining and thunder was still rolling, but they didn't know how long that would continue.
"...Are you okay?"
"I'm not okay. It hurts a lot."
The boy answered Aki, who had asked in a timid manner. The boy grabbed the handle of the flat-head screwdriver growing out of his arm and tried to pull it out, but intense pain shot through him again immediately and he let go. Because his muscles were contracting from the pain, it seemed pulling it out would require strength.
Aki, who stood up and approached the boy unsteadily, lowered her waist and tried to pull out the flat-head screwdriver penetrating his left arm. Seeing that, the boy hurriedly stopped Aki.
"Wait. If you pull it out like this, it might cause heavy bleeding. I want to pull it out after preparing to stop the bleeding."
The tip of the flat-head screwdriver was flat, but it might have been crushed when it was stuck into the ground. If she tried to pull the screwdriver out in that state, the wound would widen. Normally, he should probably cut the thick handle part and then pull the screwdriver out straight, but there was no time for that. In that case, he should at least remove the screwdriver after preparing so he could stop the bleeding immediately.
"Do you have a first-aid kit?"
"I don't... It seems they were prepared in the convenience store, though."
"It's too far to have you go back and get it. Over there, in the car that's overturned, there was a set of tools that looked like that. Go check."
"But..."
"Please."
In the Pajero that originally belonged to The Brotherhood, something like a first-aid box was loaded in preparation for injuries to Brotherhood members. Likely, the same thing was loaded in the Land Cruiser the Leader and the others were riding. He wanted to avoid a situation where he hurriedly looked for a first-aid box after the bleeding started.
Fortunately, the bleeding from the arm where the screwdriver was stuck wasn't that much. However, having a flat-head screwdriver stuck in his arm forever wasn't good for his state of mind, and above all, if he were found by an infected in this state, he literally wouldn't be able to move.
"Hurry, please."
When the boy urged her so, Aki nodded and walked toward the two overturned cars. Her gait was unsteady, as if she might collapse at any moment.
"...Dammit."
He had made Aki shoot a person. Thinking about that, the boy felt a dark mood.
The reason he had issued instructions to Aki in rapid succession was to prevent her from thinking about that. If she started thinking about the fact that she had killed a person, it would be the end.
If it were the boy of the past, he would have despised people who had never killed a person in this situation as guys who had never dirtied their own hands. If they had killed a person to protect a comrade, he would have praised them for a job well done.
But the current boy envied people who had never killed anyone. And so that he wouldn't let the hands of Aki and the others, who had not yet killed anyone, get dirty, he and Sato had fought just the two of them to keep them from joining the battle.
But Aki had finally killed a person. To save the life of none other than the boy.
He had made her shoulder the sin of murder as well. Thinking about that, he felt a dark mood.
The ways of death of those he had killed until now crossed his mind. There were lives he had taken for self-defense, or to help comrades. But what remained afterward was regret. Perhaps there was a way he could have avoided killing them. Was the decision to actually take the opponent's life correct?
No matter how much he justified himself, or how much his comrades kindly said, "You were right," that thought would not vanish. On the contrary, it grew larger and larger as time passed.
What kind of person was the opponent he killed? Everyone must have been born normally, loved by their parents, and spent an innocent childhood. They must have had a first love and spent a youth being absorbed in something with friends. He had killed a person who was built by accumulating such single memories.
At the moment of death, what did the opponent think? Was it regret, or the despair of not wanting to die? Was it anger and hatred toward me, who killed them? Or did they not even have time to harbor such feelings?
If it were an infected, even the boy of the past had little resistance to killing them. An infected is a beast in human form that has already lost its reason and intellect. Since the personality and memories that formed that person have already been lost, they are as good as dead when viewed as a human. While he might occasionally think about what kind of person the killed infected was before, he almost never regretted killing them.
But humans are not NPCs in a game. They aren't beings born just to be killed. The fact that they fought the boy must have been the result of various circumstances and thoughts they also had. Erasing that existence, which was packed with a history of countless memories. That person's personality, memories, and everything else would vanish. When he realized that was what it meant to kill a person, the boy realized he had done something terrible.
If one could easily overcome the act of murder through a sense of mission, duty, or by justifying oneself, there would be no soldiers who suffer from PTSD after returning from the battlefield. There should be no people who suffer for a lifetime because of a killing they performed with the state's seal of approval.
Even if they thought nothing at that moment they killed, once time passes and they settle down, they will surely look back on their own actions. Can one ask oneself 100 times about one's own deeds and justify oneself all 100 times? People who can do that are truly just a handful.
Whether Aki was one of that handful of people, he wouldn't know until she actually killed a person and time passed. But the boy had no intention of testing that. That was why the boy had fought with only two people to keep them away from the act of murder.
Even though he had fought to keep Aki and the others from becoming killers, that very Aki had become a killer to save him. What had I been fighting for? What on earth would happen to her, who had become a killer, from now on——.
Suddenly, the body of the Leader lying next to him twitched. The body of the Leader, whom he thought was dead, stood up along with a groan.
Apparently, the Leader was not yet dead. The bullet Aki fired had only grazed his eye, or even if it hit, it hadn't been a fatal wound. It seemed the Leader had just been unconscious from the shock until now. The boy, who thought he was dead, hadn't confirmed if the Leader was definitely dead.
"You damn brats... I'll kill you."
The Leader's single remaining eye glared at the boy, who was looking up at him in a daze. While muttering some delirium from the shock, the Leader left the boy alone and started walking toward Aki, who was heading for the overturned car. Was he confused, or did he deem the boy, with the screwdriver still stuck in his arm, not a threat? He did nothing.
The Leader picked up the short sword he had dropped when he took the boy's tackle and proceeded unsteadily toward Aki. Aki had not yet noticed that the Leader had stood up. When the boy shouted, "Run!", Aki, who turned around, widened her eyes.
It was natural to be surprised. Because the opponent she thought she had killed was still alive, and moreover, was coming toward her to kill her. Aki leveled her handgun with trembling hands and shouted.
"D-Don't come! If you get close, I'll shoot!"
But the Leader did not stop his pace. The opponent had a gun, and he had a short sword and there was distance. Even though it was a completely disadvantageous situation, the Leader was heading toward Aki. Was the confusion from being shot still continuing, or did he think Aki couldn't shoot him?
Aki also had the muzzle pointed at the Leader, but she showed no sign of pulling the trigger. With a face distorted by fear, she just shouted for him to stop. If she pulled the trigger now, she would definitely hit the Leader and could kill him. But whether Aki wanted to do that was another matter.
"No, don't shoot!"
The boy shouted in spite of himself. In the past, he would have said "Shoot" without hesitation. Moreover, Aki was currently in danger. Despite being in such a situation, the boy couldn't tell her to "Kill the Leader."
But the Leader, with short sword in hand, was already closing in right before Aki's eyes. Aki also hadn't been able to pull the trigger despite leveling her handgun. At this rate, she would be killed.
The boy grabbed the handle of the flat-head screwdriver stuck in his arm and pulled it upward all at once. Even just grabbing the handle was painful, but because he pulled it out, an intense pain as if his arm were being torn off, incomparable to anything before, shot through him. Immediately after the flat-head screwdriver, whose tip was bent from being stuck into the hard asphalt, was pulled out of his arm, blood overflowed from the widened wound.
The boy, who was finally able to move freely, stood up and immediately ran. The Leader was proceeding toward Aki one step at a time, even while staggering. However, Aki seemed unable to move from the spot while leveling her handgun. Was it the surprise that the person she thought was dead was alive, or was she being pressed by the spirit of the Leader, who was heading toward her despite being heavily injured?
"Don't shoooot!"
He must not let Aki become a killer. Only that thought dominated the boy's head now. With the blood-stained flat-head screwdriver he had pulled from his own arm in hand, the boy ran toward the Leader. Perhaps noticing those footsteps, the Leader turned toward the boy.
A single eye, which had become a bright red cavity, glared at the boy. The boy leveled the flat-head screwdriver at his waist and tackled the Leader just like that.
Although the tip of the flat-head screwdriver was slightly crushed, it was easy to penetrate a human if thrust with force. The flat-head screwdriver, which received the boy's entire body weight, easily penetrated the skin of the Leader's stomach and sank deep into the internal organs beneath it.
The Leader's remaining right eye snapped wide open. The boy gripped the handle of the flat-head screwdriver thrust into his body and pushed it even deeper.
The Leader coughed, and blood splattered from his mouth. The splattered blood fell onto the boy's face, dyeing him like a red ogre.
"...Eventually, a time will come when you too will understand. That I was right."
The Leader whispered in the boy's ear. The figures of the boy and the Leader, which looked as if they were embracing, emerged under the lightning.
"It'll be too late to regret when that time comes. I wanted to see your face at that moment you cast someone aside."
"I won't cast anyone aside anymore."
"...I'll watch from the afterlife to see how far that bluff gets you. You'll be going to hell, though..."
The fact that he didn't say he would also be cast into hell was a manifestation of the fact that the Leader believed his own actions were right until the very end. The Leader, who continued to shed a large amount of blood from the wound in his stomach and his mouth, collapsed on the spot when he lost the boy's support.
The Leader had stopped moving for sure this time, but the boy still had things to do. He picked up the short sword the Leader had dropped and thrust the blade deep into the chest of the fallen Leader. Where the blade was thrust was exactly where the heart was. Even if the Leader still had breath, he was dead for sure this time.
Twice, three times, the boy thrust the short sword into the Leader's chest and stomach. After placing his fingers on the neck and confirming that the Leader's breath had stopped for sure this time, the boy finally let go of the short sword. The bright red blood spreading from the Leader's body mixed with the rain and flowed into the gutter.
He held his arm, where the bleeding wouldn't stop because the wound had widened from pulling out the forcibly deformed screwdriver. The boy stood up and walked toward Aki. Aki had slumped completely onto the ground, and the boy reached out a hand to her.
The hand he reached out was smeared with blood, but he didn't know if it was his own or the Leader's. Aki looked at the face of the boy who reached out a hand, and then at that bright red hand, and finally opened her mouth.
"...Why did you tell me not to shoot?"
If Aki had fired the handgun at that time, she would have undoubtedly hit the Leader. Even without the boy having to experience pain, she should have been able to send the Leader to the afterlife for sure this time. But the boy couldn't tolerate that.
"You haven't killed anyone yet, have you?"
"...Yeah. Until just a moment ago, I thought I had finally killed a person, though."
"The one who killed the Leader was me, not you. Even after you shot, the Leader was still alive. I killed him, so you aren't a killer."
Aki finally took the boy's hand and stood up. A handgun was still gripped in that hand.
"Once you kill a person, you can't go back to your former self. You'll be tormented forever by the ghosts of those you killed. Even if the world returns to peace in the future, you won't return to how you were. You'll suffer for a lifetime."
"But at that time, you were about to be killed..."
"Even if it's to help a comrade, the result of having killed a person is the same. I don't want you all to lead a life of suffering forever. I don't want you to be tormented by thinking about whether it was right to kill him at that time. I know it's my ego, but no matter what the reason, I don't want you to become a killer like me."
That was why at that time, the boy had felt relieved somewhere in the depths of his heart when he saw the Leader stand up. There was the relief that he had died without making them killers. That was exactly why the boy didn't let Aki pull the trigger, and why he persistently stabbed the Leader to deliver the finishing blow for sure.
"...Didn't you say before that we have to kill without mercy?"
"Humans change."
"You say not to kill anyone, but there might be times when we have to kill someone to protect ourselves. Just like you killed that Leader just now. Even at such a time, do you say not to kill anyone? Are you telling us to just be killed quietly without killing anyone?"
"No, I'm the only one who needs to fight and kill someone. The fewer people who dirty their hands, the better. When someone has to be killed, I'll be the one to do it."
The boy had already piled up countless sins. If killing a person was a sin, he thought he, who already bore the sin, should be the one to do it.
"...Anyway, for now we have to stop the bleeding and return to Sato-san."
"Do you intend to return there? Even though we finally escaped?"
"Even if it was to chase the Leader, I left Sato-san all alone. I have to go back to help."
He didn't know if Sato was still there, but the boy thought he didn't want to just escape to a safe place by himself like this. The boy wanted to live as a human being. In this situation, could abandoning a comrade because it was dangerous and escaping to a safe place by themselves really be called a human-like act?
"Was there a car at the safe house?"
"Just one. But it's a car that can carry four people at most."
"I see. Sorry, but wait at the convenience store for a little longer."
"Are you intending to go alone?"
Aki's eyes widened in surprise. But the boy was serious.
In this situation, there was no way he could say, "Come with me." Even if Aki had offered to "Go together," the boy would likely have refused. If he exposed Aki and the others to the fires of war again, what had he let them escape for?
"Like I said just now, I don't want you all to kill anyone. Besides, the Leader is defeated and the goal is achieved. All that's left is to let Sato-san escape from that place, so there's no need to fight."
The reason the boy and Sato fought was to let Aki and the others escape, and to kill the Leader. And now, both goals were achieved. All that was left was to let Sato escape and it would be mission complete. There was no need to go bang-bang anymore.
"...I understand. But, you definitely have to come back."
"Of course. But before that, I have to stop the bleeding."
Blood was still flowing from the boy's arm, though the amount had subsided.
Perhaps because he had held the wound with his blood-stained right hand earlier, a bloody handprint remained on the boy's arm as if someone were grabbing it. Even though he was being hit by the rain, perhaps because of the fat, the blood didn't wash away at all.
To the boy, that bloody handprint looked as if the Leader were grabbing his arm. As if the Leader were grabbing his arm from the afterlife and trying to drag the boy into the afterlife as well.
I look forward to your opinions and impressions.