Chapter 19 - Chapter 17: A No-Salvation Story
I'm truly sorry for not being able to update for over a month. Please forgive me, I'll do anything.
Also, there's no great meaning to the subtitle.
Although I understood the situation we were placed in, there was almost nothing I could do. Just moving my dominant hand sent a burning, sharp pain through me, and to begin with, I would get out of breath and dizzy just by moving a little due to blood loss. Having been told by not only Naomi-san but also Yui and Mana-chan that I should rest, I decided to obediently withdraw to the room I was originally in.
Even so, I felt restless. After all, for these past few weeks, I've been acting while thinking only about making everyone survive. Because I'd been thinking about that whether awake or asleep, I, who was suddenly told I didn't have to do anything, ran out of things to do. I think this is probably the first time since the world changed that I've had time on my hands like this. When I was living holed up alone in various buildings before I met Yui, I was always worried about when the infected would attack and had to live in fear of even the slightest sound.
But now it's different; I have reliable comrades. Yui, Mana-chan, and Naomi-san. Naomi-san in particular is strong. After all, she repelled a swarm of infected that I had prepared myself to die from all by herself, and her mental strength to have lived alone in this mansion for over three months is extraordinarily strong. She, who is trained both physically and mentally, was a reliable existence for us right now.
"I wonder if Naomi-san could become the leader just like this..."
I'm far from being a person suited to be a leader, to put it mildly. Even if it's just a small group of three people. I once served as a class representative in middle school because I wanted internal assessment points, but frankly, the one who was leading the class then was the other person, a girl who was popular in the class and was at the top of the so-called class caste. No one followed what I said, and since then I've never held a position with "representative" or "head" in its title.
In fact, because I made a wrong judgment, not only I but even Yui and Mana-chan almost died. It's fine if I alone die due to my own mistake, but I want to avoid involving others at all costs. I'm not a person with a large enough vessel to carry someone else's life.
In that regard, Naomi-san is clearly suited to be a leader. Having been trained by a retired veteran, her combat ability is high, and furthermore, she hasn't lost her brightness even in the most severe situations. She has the courage to save others even by exposing herself to danger, and the strength of spirit not to go crazy even after being alone for several months. She's a stereotypical American, but right now, people like Naomi-san are exactly what is needed.
In the darkness of despair, people wander seeking a light called hope. Naomi-san is precisely that light of hope. If Naomi-san is a car's headlight, I have at most the brightness of a miniature bulb. In this world filled with despair, I'm a person who doesn't seem very reliable.
But if Naomi-san serves as the leader, the probability of us surviving will increase significantly.
But that might just be an excuse because I want to abandon responsibility. To be blunt, I was completely exhausted. When I was alone, it was lonely but easy. But since I met Yui and Mana-chan, the loneliness vanished, but in exchange, I had to bear responsibility for their lives. A person who isn't even 20 years old, who was just a high school student a few months ago—do you think I'm a person who can carry the lives of two people?
That's why I want Naomi-san, who is more of an adult than me, to serve as the leader and quickly put down this heavy burden on my shoulders.
The more I thought about it, the more I felt like I was becoming a person who hated myself for trying to become irresponsible and take it easy. I looked around the room to change my mood, searching for anything interesting. The music player I found in an empty mansion is in the backpack I discarded in front of the bridge. That was something that would be useful at a time like this.
On the pure white wall of the living room, a large map of the North American continent was pinned. Red pins were stuck as if to fill most of the map, and memos written in English were attached. I wonder if Naomi-san made this map?
Furthermore, on the TV stand below it, newspapers were piled up for many days. I picked up the top one without any particular thought. It's the Japanese version of a world-famous American newspaper. The issue date is the day before the first infected person appeared in Japan.
Looking at the front page, as expected, the page was filled with news about the new infectious disease. Infected appeared here and there, riots occurring, contact lost... it's filled with desperate news coming from all over America. Perhaps because there wasn't enough time or manpower to edit, the newspaper had very few pages, and everything except the front page was blank.
A photo of tanks firing shells at a swarm of infected is published. America apparently took quite strong measures such as closing borders and shooting down passenger planes from other countries that invaded its airspace to try to prevent the occurrence of infected at the water's edge, but eventually, it allowed the landing of the infected. The radio said the US military, said to be the strongest in the world, fought quite well and the damage was suppressed to a minimum compared to other countries, but the population of America is over 300 million. By simple calculation, the infected are three times or more than in Japan.
But America is still fine; powerful weapons starting with guns are overflowing here and there. But Japan doesn't have that. What I can obtain are at most blunt instruments like bats or crowbars. Guns probably won't be rolling around unless you're very lucky. And even if there was a gun, I don't have the confidence to master it.
If there were more powerful weapons, life would be much easier. If there were weapons that could repel the infected even if chased, and finish them off safely from a distance, we wouldn't have had to almost die like yesterday.
Above all, I can live alone. If I do that, I won't have to trouble anyone, and I won't have to bear responsibility for someone's life.
If only I had weapons...
I look forward to your opinions and impressions.