Chapter 69 - The Story of Stand By Me
Along with the sound of the wind blowing, clouds are flowing toward the east through the sky dyed entirely in green, as if they were living things. Shredding, gathering, and then falling apart and disappearing again.
Having removed the night vision device, I let out a sigh I don't know how many times today. The rain has stopped, and the wind is also settling. When morning comes, the sky will surely be clear. But whether we can see tomorrow's morning sun, we don't know yet.
"You should eat something soon. If you don't have physical strength, the healing of your injury will also become worse."
Yui, who remained crouched on the floor, was silent even at my words. Sitting while holding both knees, an aluminum cup containing chilled dry-food egg porridge is placed at her feet. I didn't feel like eating at all either, but my body was honest. My body, which had run around the city and unfolded a death struggle with the infected, was desiring nutrition.
Sitting on one of the lined-up desks, I look around. Forty nearly desks and chairs arranged in an orderly manner, and a blackboard on the wall. This was one room of a classroom in an elementary school.
Yui and I had come to an elementary school that had been designated as a shelter in times of disaster, but naturally, no one was there. It seems many infected had entered this region in the early stages of the pandemic, and there isn't even a sign that a shelter was established. The desks lined up in the classroom are as they were, and not even a single tent stands in the schoolyard. The residents of this region must have all turned into infected or fled before establishing a shelter.
The calendar hanging on the wall was still at the date of half a year ago. At the edge of the blackboard, the names of the boy and girl on day duty are written in chalk along with the date. The children who wrote the names of the next day duty after themselves wouldn't have thought that the world would change so much the next day that they couldn't go to school.
Today the same as yesterday, tomorrow the same as today will continue—I was the same in thinking so. And even after the world has completely changed, such a feeling was somewhere in my heart. Tomorrow too, I can live together with everyone. Without a single person missing, we all survive. Even though there is no guarantee, I was thinking so.
But that was nothing but a mere spoiled thought. Because I was careless, Mana-chan was shot by the sniper, and to save Yui, Naomi-san was dropped into the rough river by my own hand. Mana-chan is dead, Naomi-san won't be alive either. We have become just the two of us again.
"...Why did you save me?"
Breaking the silence, Yui mutters while looking down. Even in the darkness, I could tell her complexion was bad. It's natural. Yui is not a person who can be energetic when a companion has died again.
I was bewildered by those words. Letting go of Naomi-san's hand at the bridge was to save Yui. Yet I haven't heard even a single word of thanks from her yet. It's not that I saved her to be thanked, but I was bewildered by that tone as if accusing me. Why must I be complained to about having saved her?
"Why... because Yui was also almost killed..."
"I! Didn't have a need to be saved! You should have just pulled Naomi-san up like that. Yet why did you abandon Naomi-san!"
"It couldn't be helped!"
After I ended up shouting, I remember that this is not yet a safe place. I couldn't understand why she was angry. Even though she narrowly connected her life, Yui is saying she should have died. Why? I sacrificed Naomi-san's life because I want her to be alive.
"...If it were possible, I too wanted to save everyone. But in that place, I had to choose which one of you or Naomi-san to save. If I had tried to save Naomi-san like that, Yui would have been eaten by the infected, and the bridge might have collapsed and Naomi-san and I would have fallen into the river together. To avoid total destruction and have as many as possible survive, there was no choice but to do this. Die all three together, or sacrifice Naomi-san and two survive—I had to choose."
If Naomi-san were alive, I probably wouldn't have to feel like this. Even if we lost the car or weapons, if the three of us were together, we could manage somehow. Particularly Naomi-san was the oldest in the group. The sense of security that there was a person older than me was reducing my burden.
Even if the positions of Yui and Naomi-san were reversed, I would have done the same thing. Rather, that might have been better. Now Yui is unable to fight satisfactorily due to her foot injury, and her spirit is unstable. To put it bluntly, she is an existence that only drags my feet. If Naomi-san were alive instead of Yui—.
Am I also quite tired at the point where I end up thinking such things? I swallowed that word that almost came to my throat, and I continued.
"Anyway, now we have to cooperate as the two of us. What to do from now on, first think about that."
"From now on? There's no more 'from now on.' Everything has already ended, it's all over."
"Why are you saying such a thing..."
I instinctively wanted to hit Yui. Just because she's anxious from injuring her foot and losing Naomi-san, there are things that are okay to say and things that are not. Besides, I too feel like crying. I don't know at all what I should do, how I should act from here on. I'm just pretending to be calm because the oldest person in this place is me; if Naomi-san were in this place, I would have been wailing just like Yui.
I want someone to tell me what I should have done, and what I should do now. Was my decision wrong? Or is Yui the one who is wrong, and was abandoning Naomi-san the correct choice?
I don't know. I don't know what was correct. Where, what did I mistake. What should I have done. I don't believe in God, but if they would tell me that, I might even believe in a god of an evil cult.
"I'll go to the roof and keep a lookout outside. When morning comes, let's think again what to do. Today eat a good meal, sleep and recover your physical strength."
I wanted time to be alone and think. Beyond my back as I tried to escape from the classroom using lookout as an excuse, Yui calls to a stop, "Hey."
"If I asked you to kill me, would you kill me? If I said I've become tired of living, would you respect my will?"
"What kind of nonsensical thing are you saying, there's no way I'd kill you. If I'm alone, I'll be troubled in various ways. I'm troubled if you die now, for my sake too."
For me it was intended as a joke, but Yui didn't laugh.
"I see."
Just as I thought a joke was counterproductive at a time like this, Yui muttered softly.
"I thought you would say that."
With that word at the end, Yui closed her mouth again. Yui had stood up and was looking outside from the window, but she says nothing. It became somewhat awkward to stay in this place, and I this time for sure left the classroom and started walking through the corridor where no one was.
I remembered that I haven't handed a weapon to Yui, but it's awkward to go back now and face her. As far as I saw outside from the classroom just now, there was no sign that infected were near the school. Besides, it would also be bad to leave a gun with Yui, whose spirit has become unstable after losing Naomi-san following Mana-chan. If things go poorly, she might actually commit suicide. Looking at her behavior just now, she seemed to be quite shocked by Naomi-san's death.
Anyway, what is necessary for each other now is time to be alone and think. I am not a counselor or a wise person with rich life experience. Rather than giving poor advice, it will be important for her herself to find a clue to solve the problem. Although it's something I don't even want to think about, if I die, she must live alone.
But if Yui dies, what should I do? I almost thought such a thing, and frantically shook my head and erased such a future map. I won't let even Yui die, I will protect her to the end.
"...To think that what I should do is found now, of all times."
Since being asked by Naomi-san, I had been continuing to search for the meaning of why I am living now. And now that Naomi-san has died, I feel as if I finally found that meaning.
Protect Yui. Probably that might be the meaning of why I am living now. She alone wouldn't be able to live through this world at all. Now she is injured, and above all, because she is a woman, her physical strength is markedly lower than mine, a man.
Until now, because Naomi-san was there, I was able to avoid holding the realization that I am protecting Yui much. But by Naomi-san having died, the role of protecting her must be carried by me alone.
What I should do now is to make Yui survive. Fortunately, it's not decided that her family is dead yet. Yui too, whether she believes in the survival of her family, was saying many times she wants to meet them. I will grant her wish.
I couldn't tell Mana-chan until the end that her family was dead. It's not an atonement for that, but at least I want to let Yui spend days where she can laugh again with her whole family. For that too I protect her, and find her family.
Whether protecting Yui is truly the meaning of my life, that is not yet known. But it's certain that there is something I must do before my eyes for now. If I am concentrating on something, I can avoid thinking about unnecessary things by that much. Besides, if I couldn't find the significance of why I am living, I seemed likely to be crushed by fear and despair.
Walking through the corridor where no one is, I go up the stairs and head for the roof. A padlock was hung on the door of the roof, but I smashed it with the axe. Having gone outside, a lukewarm wind strokes my cheek.
Applying the night vision device to my eyes, I circulate my gaze around the school. The roars of the infected are heard faintly riding the wind, but their figures are not seen nearby. In the corner of the schoolyard buried in fallen leaves and puddles, whether the children forgot to tidy it up, only one soccer ball was rolling.
Will the day when children also return to this elementary school come? I wish it were so. I don't even want to think that the world will continue to be filled with death and destruction and head toward ruin. Even if it's a fantasy, if I don't continue to hold hope for the future, I'll be swallowed by the disease leading to death called despair pressing before my eyes.
Hope, there is no such thing. Someone whispers in my head.
What is waiting is only death. Everyone dies anyway. Mana-chan is dead, Naomi-san I also killed with this hand. Yui too will die someday. Tomorrow, or a week later, or a year later. Eaten to death by the infected, or killed by being attacked by a person whose head has gone crazy. Maybe like the time with Naomi-san, she will end up cutting that life by herself. It's foolish to define such an existence as the meaning of life.
I tried to negate the voice echoing in my head. But words to argue against it are not found. Even though I felt as if I had grasped something until just now, the path of hope I thought had opened before my eyes is again wrapped in fog.
Apparently I too am considerably weakened. At times like this, sleeping is the best.
It's anxious for both of us to rest, but the figures of the infected are not seen in the surroundings. While the sun was out, I closed all the school gates, and I also searched if there were other places that seemed likely to be intruded into within the site. I also locked all the doors of the entrance, and built barricades with desks and chairs. If there are no infected nearby, we won't be found unless we make a great fuss.
Finally once more, I confirm the surroundings with the field of vision dyed in green. What can be seen are trees swaying in the wind, and swaying electric wires that have now turned into objects. The figures of the infected are nowhere to be seen.
Having confirmed that, I sat down on the spot. The concrete of the roof was wet with rain, but I don't care about such a thing. There are many more things to be concerned about than that.
Lying on my back on the roof, I looked up at the gray sky. Clouds are still blown by the wind and fly east. Tomorrow will surely be good weather.
I look forward to your opinions and impressions.