Chapter 65 - Side Story: The Court Mage's Notes
January 9th
I gave her the clock.
Our relationship will change again, but the days we spend in this house themselves remain unchanged.
January 11th
I gave that medicine to the King.
I believe this was for the best.
If things go according to plan, I will be free in a few more days. I will have more time to spend for her sake.
January 12th
When I went up to the second floor, she was in the hallway. It seemed she wanted to go to the study to get a book.
I wonder about her crawling on her stomach. It drains her stamina, so I do not want her to overdo it.
However, she, who cannot walk, must surely be bored.
I should prepare a few books within her reach.
January 30th
Sleeping by her side, I can see that she grows thinner day by day. Her body temperature is also growing colder.
When I let her drink my blood, she scratched my cheek. She apologized, but something like this does not count as pain.
I dreamed of that child. Unlike me, whose habit was to smile, she laughed brightly.
February 10th
When my whole body felt sluggish, it seemed I had a fever after all. I did not want to rest, but she cried and stopped me. Today, I decided to stay in bed with her. Rarely, she hugged me from her side. She must know well that if she does so, I will not push her away.
I was able to rest well for the first time in a while.
From tomorrow on, I will do my best to make up for today as well.
February 15th
I forbade the use of magic.
I have been making her endure so much.
I want to let her be freer.
To such a husband, she smiled and said, "Happy Birthday."
March 25th
I went out to the city to buy food.
I need to do something about my habit of thinking about that child's share as well.
In the city, I was thrown words mourning that child's death, and questions indirectly confirming whether she had died. She is barely keeping alive, but if I answered that, I do not know what the residents of this city would start saying. If they told me to give her medicine, I would surely kill the residents.
When I vaguely obscured my words, the other party misunderstood. That alone would have been fine, but why do they try to introduce their daughters to me?
I was tired. I wanted them to let me go home quickly.
When I bought the necessary items and returned, she smiled and asked, "What is wrong?" She makes me forget unpleasant things. I am glad I made her my wife.
April 18th
To keep the bed and cushions clean, I usually use removal magic, but I have decided to wash them with water once every three days.
When I lifted her up and sat her on the chair, she grabbed my clothes. She let go of my hand before I could say anything, and said it was nothing.
At that time, I was in a hurry to observe the effects of the new drug, so I immediately returned to my research, but thinking back now, she might have felt insecure. Even though it is to save her, I have been leaving her, who is bedridden, almost entirely alone. Thinking of that, I probably made that child feel lonely in the past as well.
If I reach a breakpoint, I can observe the situation, but until now, I have not done anything husband-and-wife-like for her.
Next time I go out to the city, I will buy some souvenir.
I wish she would somehow make a selfish request, but... is it impossible?
April 30th
I went out to the city.
Lately, women's voices are annoying. I wish they would stop using that child as an excuse to cling to me.
For her souvenir, I bought fruit and books. She was very happy. She prefers plant-based things over meat. Sweet fruits, especially apples and peaches, are good. I might try candying and drying them, and placing them by the bed.
Just thinking about what I can do for her makes me happy. What should I give her next?
May 19th
I decided to use sleep magic.
I wonder if she will forget her suffering a little and find peace.
June 2nd
She said she could no longer sing. She was desperately trying to make a voice while crying. In less than five minutes, she coughed and collapsed. It was so painful to watch that it became painful for me as well.
While I think it is good that that child did not have to see this scene, I also think that if she were here, it might be better. If that emotionally rich child were by her side, she would probably be healed as well. The name she calls out in her sleep is always that child's name.
June 3rd
Today as well, after watching her breathing settle, I cast a strong sleep magic. Lately, my physical condition has not been good.
I cannot find a way to save her.
What kind of husband am I?
I am pathetic.
June 20th
She vomited blood.
What should I do?
I do not want to see her blood anymore.
July 5th
Human voices are noisy.
July 10th
I strengthened the Barrier of the house and decided not to go out to the city.
Food and such can be obtained in the Demon Realm, if nothing else.
If immersed in holy water, most miasma can be neutralized.
Her
July 18th
Yes, I heard a severe cough. I put down my pen to treat her immediately... the previous entry was left unfinished like that. I do not remember what I was trying to write. Her? What was it? If I try to talk about her, there is no end to it. Besides, this is a diary without much meaning, so it is probably not that important.
By the way, today one of the methods to remove pain succeeded.
I want to give her that medicine, but refining it takes time, and if I do such a thing, she will commit suicide.
I must hurry.
If I do not find something, she will disappear.
She seems unable to stay awake properly anymore.
I remembered the promise I made with her about our new home. I have a place in mind.
I miss her tea and cooking terribly.
August 15th
The research failed again.
I must let her drink blood again.
She grows weaker day by day.
Every time I try to grow wings, she becomes frightened.
Why must she suffer so much? What has she done?
August 22nd
Today she looked even weaker than usual, so I spent the whole day by her bed reading materials and my past research results. There were no new discoveries, but I want to consider it good that I could see her smile even a little.
Willpower is also necessary to live. I will encourage her within the scope of what I can do.
So that she does not give up on living.
August 23rd
She vomited blood many times, gasped in pain, and cried, yet just outside, separated by a single wall, humans are living carefree lives.
August 30th
If I stay by her side at night, I should be healed, but for the past few months, something is wrong. When I hold her cold hand, I become unable to stand humans. When I hold her slender body, even more so.
September 1st
The humans of this city have forgotten what they did to that child and her.
October 3rd
She lost her sight.
Having lost the light of the full moon she loved, she cried.
Why must it be taken away?
What has she done?
Was it necessary for that child to die?
October 4th
I saw blood again
She dreams of that child and cries
Even though I must not become weak-hearted
October 5th
Holding that child who laughs innocently, I am walking through the sky with her
The moon was beautiful
She said, "Let's go again"
It is a cruel dream
October 6th
No good, no good, no good, no good. Do not give up. You are allowed to live. That child surely will not accept you. That child likes you, so you are still here
October 7th
Morning is terrifying. Every time I wake up, I check her pulse.
October 8th
My head hurts