Chapter 144 - Mobile Idiot Barrier
I, whose nature is neither sadistic nor anything of the sort, always end up feeling gloomy when I decide to train Rio.
Certainly, that guy is enjoying it, but I wonder if this kind of thing is really permissible.
If anything, I'm more suited to regressing into a baby in front of Angelica.
I even think that maybe she and I are connected by a red umbilical cord of fate.
...A red umbilical cord of fate?
Not a red string?
Why have I started to casually think up phrases like this?
This is bad.
I feel like my sexual preferences are rapidly being bent by their repeated temptations. With a snap, they've changed course at a right angle, heading straight down the pervert course.
Will I ever be able to return to my original, healthy love for women around thirty?
At this rate, I'll really cause a scandal someday, I think, slapping my cheek.
I need to cool my head a little.
I buy a cola from a vending machine and gulp it down vigorously.
Let's calm down and think. I'm already an old man, you know.
My early thirties is an age where, from society's perspective, it wouldn't be strange to have a family.
If a person like that were reported in a scandal with a high school girl, they'd surely end up being fed nothing but powdered milk.
Mama Ange, despite how she looks, is terrifying when angry. A baby denied its mother's milk has no choice but to wither away.
For us babies around thirty, the affection of a younger mama is a matter of life and death, after all.
I can't possibly cross the line with Rio while bearing the risk of being hated by Mama Ange.
"...Huh? Hmm...?"
No, I mean, what the hell am I thinking?
A few seconds late, I realize the disastrous state of my own monologue and fall to my knees in shock.
I might already be done for.
While I'm training Rio, it seems I'm being smoothly trained by Angelica.
Why on earth have I gotten this messed up?
Isn't this an unnatural level, no matter how you look at it?
I certainly feel a maternal sense from Angelica, but it shouldn't have been so serious that I'd want to be spoiled in broad daylight.
—A decline in thinking ability to the point of adversely affecting my personality—
No way, I think, and rush outside the break area in a great panic.
"Whoa!"
Then, filling my entire field of vision, a sight that made me doubt my own eyes spread out before me.
"Mamaaaaa"
"Hogyaa, hogyaa, hogyaa"
The station staff and talent were repeatedly crawling on all fours while uttering baby talk.
A mass baby regression by grown men.
It could only be described as a picture of hell.
I have an idea about this phenomenon.
It's a powerful weakening magic (Debuff) that lowers the intelligence of anyone within a few hundred meters radius of the caster.
In other words, it means there's a mage who came from another world not too far away. And a considerably skilled one at that.
If it's someone who can freely use this spell and has a connection to me, there's only one person.
I know that person's character well.
There's a presence like that in the corner of my memory, and I can even picture their appearance.
And yet, I can't recall the crucial name.
What does it even mean to recall, in the first place?
Who am I, and where is this?
"...Shit, get a hold of yourself. I'm the Hero!"
Desperately holding together my crumbling thoughts, I think.
If I cast Dispel on myself, my intelligence should return immediately.
But it turns out I've even forgotten the incantation method for Dispel.
Am I going to forget everything just like this?
—No.
It's not checkmate yet.
Even if I can't use Dispel myself, I just need to have someone else use it on me.
Fortunately, Angelica learned Dispel through leveling up, so I just need to have her chant it from a distance.
Dispel's range is reasonably long, so there's no problem at all.
With trembling fingers, I move to operate my smartphone.
I have to get Angelica to come here as soon as possible...
'Ange, it's me. Things have gotten bad.'
It seems Ayako-chan has been teaching her how to use social media, so she'll surely respond.
That girl who says she loves me so much will definitely react.
Please.
As I wait with a feeling like prayer, the message changes to read.
The reply is slow to come, probably because she's not used to typing.
'What's wrong? Ah, I think my typing is super slow, so please be lenient with me.'
'I want to drink Mama Ange's milk.'
'Eh'
No, that's not it.
I do have a desire to be spoiled by Angelica, but this isn't the time for that, is it?
What I truly need to convey is—
'I wuv Mamaaa'
'I love you too, Father. But what's gotten into you all of a sudden?'
'I couldn't hold back anymore when I thought about Mama.'
'...So adult men can just toss away their mental age this easily... I'm honestly surprised.'
'I want to drink Mama's milk. I drank cola earlier, but compared to Mama's breast milk, that stuff is just putrid juice. It's not even drinkable.'
'...Oh no... Father right now is... cute...'
'Boobies.'
'Um, do you want to drink it that badly? I don't think it'll come out suddenly, but is that okay? I think you'd have to get me pregnant first.'
'I'll put a baby in Mama's tummy because I want to drink Mama's milk.'
'This is the first time I've seen such a radical baby.'
It's the first time I've seen it too. Who the hell is this guy? Is this really me?
But I can't even stop myself. I was supposed to convey something more important, but I can't think of anything other than being spoiled by you...!
Even though I don't want to do this kind of thing...!
'When you get home, I'll let you suckle right away, okay? Make sure you come straight home without any detours, alright? It's a promise with Mama, okay?'
'Yeah! I'll come straight home!'
I shoved my smartphone into my pocket and got down on all fours.
In order to crawl.
After all, I am someone who was just born as a premature baby a little while ago.
I shouldn't be playing around in a place like this; I have to get back to the incubator.
If I'm a good boy inside there, Mama Ange will come to get me...
"What are you doing, Nakamoto-san?"
Just then.
After crawling forward a few dozen meters, a man crawling on all fours appeared before my eyes.
A slightly sunburned, pudgy middle-aged man.
It's Producer Kurosawa.
The sight of a greasy forty-something man making baby-like movements is practically grotesque.
"What about you, Kurosawa-san? Your knees will get dirty."
Making an utterly natural observation, I stand up.
Yes. I was able to stand up.
I also remember that until just a moment ago, I was under an intelligence-lowering debuff and was seeking help from Angelica.
I can also vividly picture the user of this spell.
Has my intelligence... returned...?
Looking around, the people nearby are also tilting their heads and stopping their crawling one after another.
There's no doubt. The weakening has been dispelled. Or perhaps the caster moved far away without dispelling it.
"...What is this? Were we all crawling on the ground?"
Producer Kurosawa has a face that says he can't believe it.
That's only natural. If your workplace were suddenly swallowed by madness, the first thing you'd doubt would be your own sanity.
He's muttering to himself repeatedly, "Mass hypnosis?" "Bizarre behavior caused by drug dispersal?"
"Kurosawa-san, if you're worried, you should go to a medical institution."
"If we report this, will it get ratings, I wonder? It'll get ratings, won't it? Nice."
"...You intend to report it?"
"Of course! Man, this is something, I never thought I'd become the source of a scoop myself. If someone ends up being taken to the hospital, it'll become even more of a topic, though. Can't one of the ADs collapse for me?"
A way of life that prioritizes ratings above all else is magnificent when taken to this extreme.
I think it's questionable as a human being, but he might be excellent as a TV man.
Half in disbelief, half in admiration, I watched the producer while directing my consciousness inward. To the world of memories sleeping deep within my mind.
(So that person came here too.)
A former party member, and an expert in debuffs and mental manipulation.
Mage Erin.
There's almost certainly no mistake that they've come.
If I chase after them now, could I catch them?
...No good, it's too reckless.
If I get within a few hundred meters of that person, my intelligence will be lowered again.
And Erin can use Concealment Magic just like me.
On top of that, since they're not an evil being, I can't find them with my detection skill.
I don't know where they are, and they possess an impregnable barrier.
A truly troublesome opponent.
If I don't properly think of a strategy to overcome them, I'll just be beaten one-sidedly.
I shook my head and returned to the conference room.
I can think while doing my work.
Surely, there must be some loophole.
Something...