Chapter 178 - All I Need Is You
In the garden of the mansion where Elsa and I live, there is a tree planted that bears mysterious flowers—flowers that look like cherry blossoms, yet are not.
For the past few days, looking up at this thing has become my daily routine.
It is beautiful.
But this is not the scenery I wanted to see.
The cherry blossoms in Japan have a much gentler color.
They do not bear flowers as red as blood.
It was almost approaching my fourth year since I was summoned to this world.
The spring of my eighteenth year.
If I were still in Japan, I would likely be in the midst of anxiety over my university entrance exam results.
Or perhaps I would be chasing the dream I had in middle school, aiming for a vocational school to become a game creator?
Or maybe I would have chosen the path of finding employment after high school.
—It doesn't matter.
Among all the possibilities where I could have obtained everything, all I have now is the title of Hero and Elsa.
"The Hero, huh."
The people of this world all call me by that title.
However, I have never felt happy about it.
Even if my strength or bravery is praised, it doesn't resonate in my heart at all.
Even when I kill an enemy, the sense of accomplishment is minimal, leaving me with nothing but a sense of guilt.
Demi-humans might have families too. When I think like that, I cannot truly rejoice.
The sensation of gouging out flesh.
The splashing of blood.
Days of battle mired in physiological disgust.
Even so, it is better than when I first arrived here.
With every battle I fought, I grew more numb.
I became able to slaughter enemies mechanically if necessary.
Before long, I might stop feeling guilt altogether.
A middle school boy who wanted to make games to entertain people became a Hero who brutally slaughters enemies in order to give people peace of mind.
What value could there possibly be in this life?
A person who is merely strong is no longer human.
If it's just about killing to win, even a common bear could do that.
...No.
I was able to meet Elsa.
Isn't that enough?
I was born for that.
There is a meaning to being summoned to this world.
My life is not worthless.
As if convincing myself, I return to the mansion.
I open the front door and walk inside while still wearing my shoes.
Even though back in Japan I would always take my shoes off before entering a house, I have certainly grown used to this.
"Good morning, Keisuke."
When I enter the living room, Elsa comes out from the kitchen.
With her long hair tied back and wearing a loose-fitting one-piece dress, she has the air of a young lady of a household.
"Good morning, Elsa."
I smile and embrace Elsa. Her slender, soft body feels as though it might break if I hugged her for real.
It was a stark contrast to my body, which was becoming increasingly hard and thick.
"...Keisuke, do you like those flowers?"
"Were you watching?"
"I can see the garden well from the kitchen window."
"There is a tree that looks a lot like my hometown. It's called Sakura."
Cherry blossoms do not exist in this different world. Since there was no way to translate it into the local language, I had no choice but to teach her using the Japanese pronunciation.
"Sakura. ...What a cute name."
Elsa speaks the Japanese word with a katakana-style pronunciation.
"Right? That's why in my country, it's even used as a girl's name."
"Do you like those flowers?"
"Yeah. I think all Japanese people like them. When spring comes, people go around specifically to announce the blooming season. Then, everyone brings sake and food, and we all make a fuss while looking at the cherry blossoms in full bloom."
"That sounds fun."
"It is fun. Very much so."
Elsa asked why cherry blossoms are so popular.
"Because they scatter so quickly. And they do so grandly, and with grace."
"Is their scattering liked?"
"...Japan is a bit strange. There is a place where we find aesthetics in the way one dies, rather than the way one lives."
"Is dying beautiful?"
"In other countries, suicide might be the worst thing one can do, but in my country, it was considered an honorable act for a warrior who lost a battle to take responsibility and end their own life. There was even a period where lovers holding hands and committing suicide together was thought to be romantic."
"Is it a country with many people who want to die?"
"...Well, the trend is changing toward suicide being seen as bad nowadays... Even so, I think an aesthetic of death flows at its foundation. Like, if you're going to survive by lapping up muddy water, you'd rather scatter beautifully."
"Thanks to that, the cherry blossoms, which scatter brilliantly while remaining beautiful, have been loved since ancient times."
Elsa tilted her head.
It was uncertain how much of that reached her, as someone born in this different world.
"...I might understand."
"Really? You don't have to be polite about it."
"No. I understand."
Elsa nods repeatedly against my chest.
"I, too, would rather die while I am young than grow old and wrinkled and be hated by Keisuke. I want to die while I am being loved by Keisuke."
"Whoa, hey, I'm saying I won't hate you even if you become an old lady, Elsa."
She's a worrier, I think as I stroke her head.
Black, glossy, straight hair. Hair like a Japanese woman's. As I touch that magnificent straight hair, which is rare for people of this world, I experience the illusion that I have returned to my hometown.
"...Keisuke, do you get along with the soldiers around you? Since you like Sakura, I think you are the exact opposite of the soldiers in this country."
"There's no way we'd get along."
It's obvious.
The religious sense that we are correct because we believe in the one and only God, the ruthlessness toward enemy soldiers, and the ugly obsession with life—none of it meshes at all with me, a modern Japanese person.
"The only one I've opened my heart to is you, Elsa."
"...What about Philia-san and the others?"
"Things haven't been going well with them lately."
Philia is noisy about how Elsa shouldn't meet me too often, and Erin doesn't seem to think highly of Elsa either.
The Teacher... though they didn't show it in their attitude, apparently opposed my living together with Elsa.
"Keisuke, will you cast aside your comrades except for me? Is that okay?"
"It's okay. I don't need anything other than you."
"...I see."
"I don't need anyone but Keisuke either," Elsa mutters.
"I can't get along with the women in town."
"...I see. You have a hard time making friends, Elsa."
"When I say I like roasted rats, everyone runs away."
"T-That's..."
Since Elsa was raised in a goblin den, after all, her culinary preferences are a bit unusual.
She makes human-like meals for me out of consideration, but when she's alone, she apparently makes dangerous-looking goblin food...
"I don't quite understand the merits of rat dishes, but I do understand how food preferences can make you stand out. If I tried to eat raw fish or raw eggs, people would be totally repulsed."
"Were you trying to make Osashimi again? The food in Keisuke's country is strange, isn't it?"
"I don't want to hear that from you of all people!?"
"Goblin food is delicious," Elsa said, puffing out her cheeks.
Fine, fine, I said, apologizing profusely, noting that it's not good to make fun of each other's upbringings.
"It's not just food. There are many other things I don't fit in with regarding the women in town. I don't want to dress up like that. I have no interest in how the neighbors are living. I can't even understand the feeling of hating one's husband. Human women are strange."
"Aren't you human too, Elsa?"
"Not a human who grew up in a human town. Not a normal human."
"...But still."
"Keisuke is the same. You aren't a human who grew up in this world. You aren't normal."
"Elsa?"
"I was worrying about it for a long time. Since I am not a proper human, I am treated as an outsider wherever I go. But there were others who were outcasts besides me. That person cherishes me. Keisuke is a person who is not normal, just like me."
That's why I love you, Elsa says.
"My life has meaning because I met Keisuke. The life before meeting Keisuke wasn't a life at all."
"...Do you really like me that much?"
"I don't need anyone but Keisuke."
To those words of love that felt almost precarious, I reply:
"Me too."
I whisper that we are very much alike, and I kiss her lips.
I don't need anything except Elsa.
I don't care if everyone except Elsa hates me.
As for anyone else... I don't care anymore.
If I were told to choose between Elsa and the world, I would choose Elsa without hesitation.