Chapter 209 - Chapter 205: IF Side Story - Still Getting Devoured (7)
Yu-rin's pale, slender hand.
That hand began to grope my body, which was trembling with a start.
Perhaps because I was touched so suddenly, I couldn't even think to brush off the hand that was fiddling with me, moving from my flank down to my buttocks over and over again.
However, as her hand, which had been caressing my entire body, finally headed toward my crotch, all the affection I had felt for Yu-rin until just a moment ago vanished.
"Stop it! I'm going to report you..."
"Report me? Do whatever you want. But if those photos get leaked, you'll have to quit streaming that very day. It's not like it wears out, so is it really such a big deal to lend me your body for a bit?"
Yu-rin spoke as if it didn't matter at all.
Thinking about what she said, it seemed my warning hadn't even made a dent.
"..."
As I gritted my teeth and kept glaring at her, Yu-rin looked at me and let out a sigh.
"Haa... This wasn't how it was supposed to go. It's because you kept putting up such a wall. You must know how much attention I've been trying to get by donating all this time, right? Even after that, I treated you sweetly every time we met, but you were indifferent. Now, this is the only way left. It's all... it's all your fault."
Yu-rin was saying things that made no sense.
I had no way of knowing what kind of logic was running through her head.
But there was one thing I was curious about.
Was it a lie that Yu-rin had decided to start streaming?
Considering her skills that surpassed my own physical capabilities during the viewer participation event, she could easily have made a name for herself as a talented newcomer in the streaming scene.
I had been looking forward to Yu-rin, one of the viewers who had supported me, transitioning from a viewer to a streamer.
That was why I had come here to help her start her channel; I was both jealous of her skills and excited for her.
Even though I was in a situation where I might be violated at any moment, I felt anxious because if I didn't clear up that doubt now, I would never know the truth.
"There was one thing I thought about during that match you showed during the viewer participation. Your physical ability was so amazing that you could crush me with skill alone. Of course, it wasn't my main game, but I thought that with your physical prowess, you might be able to start as a serious skill-based streamer. Yu-rin, tell me one thing. Was the only reason you called me here to do this?... Was it a lie that you wanted to stream?"
As I reprimanded her with a trembling voice, Yu-rin, who had been saying nonsensical things, suddenly clamped her mouth shut. After thinking for a long while, she shook her head and said:
"No... that wasn't a lie. But the reason I wanted to stream was also... all because of you. Because I like you... I just wanted to be by your side, that's all. But when I came to my senses, I had already done it impulsively. At this point, it's just water under the bridge."
Hearing Yu-rin's trembling voice, I could feel the sincerity and weight of the feelings she had for me.
I realized what she had been thinking when she wanted to stream, and that the photos taken after I fell asleep and her current attempt to keep me here were all impulsive actions.
If that was the case, there was still a chance.
A chance for her to reform and for me not to be violated.
"No... you haven't gone all the way yet. Yu-rin, you can turn this back right now. You said you just wanted to stand by my side, right?... Let's try to think about this more calmly..."
"I don't want to! How could I let go of an opportunity I've finally grasped!"
Despite my persuasion, Yu-rin shouted loudly like a child throwing a tantrum and hugged my body tightly.
As she held me, I could smell her sweet scent.
"I never liked it from the start. Every time your channel grew... every time you became more famous, you were exposed to the dirty gazes of other bitches more and more..."
Yu-rin's eyes looked straight at my face while she held me.
There was a contradictory feeling that those eyes, though clearly looking at me, weren't truly focused on me.
"I'm the one who likes you the most... I always stayed at number one in donations to get your attention... I used a flashy nickname to catch your eye... I didn't know how much more effort I had to put in to have you... to become your lover. Could I stand side-by-side with you by becoming a streamer?... Do you think I could get you just by satisfying your expectations or by having the same job as you!"
My impression of looking into her dull, hollow eyes was that they looked like someone who had given up on everything despite having gained everything.
"Now... it doesn't matter anymore... In the Gate... in those hellish days, as long as I had the one hope you gave me, just seeing your face on the stream was enough to keep me alive... If I can taste the sweetest part of that hope right now... I don't care what happens anymore. Even if I get reported, even if it's just for one night, as long as I have proof that you were mine, that's enough!"
It wasn't just my imagination that Yu-rin's lonely and painful words felt like she was talking to herself.
It was likely a resolution she was shouting to herself.
Honestly, I didn't really know what she was talking about.
But if there were a few things I was certain of, it was that seeing her attitude change suddenly after showing me those photos meant she had been hiding her true feelings all this time, that she was a viewer who had shared my joys and sorrows for a long time, and that my broadcasts had helped dilute the difficult things she had experienced.
Countless things I could say to her came to mind.
But I wouldn't be able to understand her, and she wouldn't be able to accept it either...
So I swallowed all those words.
Then, clearing my mind of the thought that she had sexually harassed me and looking at her directly, I saw the person who had been a huge source of strength for me while I streamed.
There was only one thing I could do for her, since I had only ever been on the receiving end until now.
So, to comfort Yu-rin, I raised my hand and stroked her hair.
"I'm sorry, but Yu-rin, I don't know what you went through in the Gate... or what made things so hard for you... but there is only one thing I can say to you."
I lowered my hand from her hair and patted her back.
"Thank you for liking me that much."
At that, Yu-rin's hands, which had been holding me, loosened.
Along with that, as if all her excitement and tension had drained away, Yu-rin slumped to the floor.
"Hic... I'm sorry... I'm sorry... I'm really... sorry."
And then she began to sob and apologize.
It had always been like this.
After a Gate clearing operation ended, all that remained were the corpses of monsters and the bodies of comrades who had shared my joys and sorrows, rolling on the ground. Days without wailing after a Gate was cleared were few and far between.
Even though we were in the Hwaryong Guild, one of the top ten large-scale guilds, out of the twenty recruits who joined together, only eight, including Haein and me, were discharged safely.
Five died. Three went missing, and four were so severely injured that they were left with permanent disabilities or mental trauma, becoming wrecks and being discharged on medical grounds.
There was only one reason I survived.
Unlike the kids who died, went missing, or were discharged due to severe injury, I started as a C-rank.
Most of the Duty Hunters who were discharged safely were guys with high ranks like me, so that must be it.
As such, because Duty Hunters had little experience, their casualty rate was far too high compared to other hunters.
Even so, I never once thought that I should have just enlisted normally.
Soldiers were also mobilized in huge numbers to block Gates when they appeared, so while it might look safe at a glance, if a Gate expanded, they would eventually be swallowed by the mist and were even more dangerous than Duty Hunters.
After joining as a Duty Hunter, my mind, which was becoming devastated from crossing through Gates countless times with the sole desire not to die, reached its limit in just one month.
With my will to live completely broken, my sleep time began to decrease due to stress.
Decreasing sleep, fear of the Gate, frequent mistakes.
The stress pushed my mind to the limit, and I thought that I, too, would soon face a major problem.
But that didn't happen.
It was for one reason.
Because of the video of Seon-ah that Haein was watching.
I wondered if she was on drugs because she was acting all giddy when she had to go back to a Gate in two days, so I looked at the smartphone Haein was watching, and there was an angel playing a game with a pouty expression.
Seeing an angel with visuals that could chew up most celebrities, it felt like a thrilling shock ran through my entire body.
That was when it started.
The moment painful thoughts could no longer stay in my head.
From then on, I fell deeply for Seon-ah.
The nightmares where the arm of a dead comrade reached out to me and let out a death rattle, which used to make me lose sleep and wash my bedsheets because of the tears I shed, changed into erotic dreams about Seon-ah, to the point where I had to wash my bedsheets clean the next day.
After knowing Seon-ah, I was liberated from the fear and stress of the Gate.
I donated every time Seon-ah was happy to show my gratitude, and as time passed, that feeling became distorted.
From gratitude to possessiveness.
From eyes looking at something cute and lovely to eyes engulfed in dark, slimy desire.
Why did I lose that original intention?
How did my situation, as I sobbed now, end up like this?
Where did those days go when I was happy just watching Seon-ah, and how did I reach the point where I wouldn't be satisfied until I possessed him...
All those questions disappeared when Seon-ah patted my back.
And I wiped my tears and looked at Seon-ah.
There, the innocent angel I had tried to pour my dirty desires onto was stroking my back and soothing me, telling me it was okay.