Chapter 8 - Chapter 6: Episode 5 - Suspicion
Once the seeds of suspicion regarding Seon-ah were sown, my imagination began to run wild with terrifying images.
I saw Seon-ah pinned beneath another woman, gasping in the throes of pleasure.
I saw him kissing some stranger deeply—using the same lips that once touched my hand, the same mouth that used to call my name.
I imagined some woman taking his first time, whispering sweet nothings as they tangled together, her hands roaming his body as if she could never have enough.
I pictured a heartbreaking scene where Seon-ah called out another woman's name, spending the night with her as if I didn't even exist anymore.
Grind...
Along with the sound of my teeth gnashing, I tasted the copper tang of blood in my mouth.
I must have bitten my lip while grinding my teeth without even realizing it.
Back in elementary school, I watched Seon-ah reject every girl who approached him, claiming he already had someone he "liked." I had been so sure that person was me.
Now, the mere thought that he might be harboring feelings for someone else filled my head with a suffocating, agonizing dread.
I tried to masturbate to wash the pain away.
The collection of porn I'd gotten from my cousin was massive—four terabytes, over a hundred videos ranging from low-res clips to high-definition features.
But it didn't matter which one I picked; Seon-ah's face always overlapped with the male actor's.
The man pinned down, crying out in ecstasy, looked exactly like Seon-ah. Every time I tried to focus, his image surfaced.
In the last video I watched, a man was pinned by a woman, moaning and surrendering with a look of pure ruin. "I can't live without this pussy!" he wailed, diligently licking the entrance he'd just finished coming into as if it were the finest delicacy on earth.
Every video I watched made my insides twist with a cocktail of anxiety and buried rage, but that last one pushed me over the edge. I snarled and slammed my fist into the monitor.
Even with the screen shattered, the speakers continued to blare the wet, rhythmic sounds of their bodies joining.
I kicked the PC tower until it was scrap metal, but the knot in my chest wouldn't loosen.
The lie that I was "comforting" myself no longer worked.
Once the initial burst of violence faded, only one thought remained, rooted deep in my heart: Seon-ah had moved on to someone else.
"Seon-ah is mine. I'm not giving him to some other bitch."
They were just videos, but in my mind, every man was Seon-ah. I was consumed by a toxic mix of jealousy and desire, picturing him gasping beneath a faceless, nameless woman.
To satisfy this urge, there was only one thing left to do—exactly what my cousin suggested. I had to swallow his essence, violate him, and claim him entirely for myself.
A dark, damp obsession began to flood my heart.
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I didn't have any hang-ups about sex or masturbation in my previous life, but doing it in this body was a completely different experience.
Not only was I better endowed, but even the slightest touch sent such a jolt of pleasure through me that I felt like I was losing my mind.
The sensitivity and the sheer intensity of the reaction were nothing like my old body.
I finally understood why men in this world had such low sex drives and avoided anything sexual.
This body was simply too sensitive.
I'd tried to take matters into my own hands once.
Most porn here was made for women and focused entirely on the man, which wasn't my thing, but I managed to find a few clips for men or some lesbian scenes.
Even just a bit of friction—the kind I'd do casually in my past life—made me tremble and freeze. The pleasure was exponentially greater than anything I'd ever felt.
At the time, I just figured I was sensitive because I was a "virgin" in this life.
But that wasn't it.
I realized the truth: this was why men here hated sex and why women were the ones with the high drives.
As I kept going, the pleasure built until it hit a breaking point. When I finally climaxed, my mind went white, and then everything went black.
I'd actually fainted.
In this world, for most men, one climax is the end of the line. The sheer scale of the pleasure reminded me of how women's orgasms were described in my old world.
If I actually had sex like this, the dizzying sensation would be enough to drive me insane.
I used to think the videos I'd seen of men losing their minds were just over-the-top acting, but after experiencing it myself, I knew it was terrifyingly real.
If I slept with a woman in this state, I wouldn't just pass out; I'd probably succumb to "male corruption," just like in the adult media.
When I first reincarnated and saw the roles were reversed, I'd briefly entertained the idea of being a playboy. Now, that thought seemed like a death wish.
I also understood why men could actually die if they were gang-raped.
Knowing this made the threat of being kidnapped by monsters from the Gates feel a thousand times more real.
"If I get dragged off by monsters like that shining orb wants, I'll definitely end up a victim of death during intercourse."
It was a realization I only reached thanks to the clarity that follows a climax.
After that fainting spell, I knew I had to keep a tight lid on things with Yu-rin.
I had to suppress her sexual curiosity as much as possible and delay the inevitable for as long as I could.
It was a matter of survival.
Even though I was the one getting rid of her erotic magazines and toys, she probably just thought I was jealous of them.
It was embarrassing, but I let her believe it.
Because if we jumped straight into the real thing, I was finished.
It was way too early to go all the way with Yu-rin—not until I learned how to handle this hyper-sensitive body.
But only a few days after our first real kiss, Yu-rin started demanding sex.
She wasn't satisfied with just kissing anymore; she wanted the full experience.
To me, she was still just a kid who'd only recently learned what a kiss was, but something must have triggered a sudden awakening in her.
Sex, French kissing...
I figured she'd just learned the basics of what people do when they're together, but the sudden pressure was overwhelming.
They were things we'd do someday anyway, but her sudden aggression was a lot to handle.
I managed to pacify her with a deep kiss for now, but I knew she wouldn't stop there. The fire had been lit.
In my old life, no man would turn down sex.
But here? Dealing with a woman whose desires had been building for years, combined with a male body that could lose its mind from a single touch?
What if her sex drive was on par with a horny high school boy from my old world?
I'd probably die of shock before the act was even over.
I could see myself being ravaged until I literally died from the pleasure.
And I'm not even a masochist.
I needed serious resolve to face that kind of intensity.
I needed to train myself to endure the pleasure alone first. I needed to be mentally prepared.
Because masturbating by yourself is nothing compared to the emotional and physical overload of actual sex.
I tried to keep her satisfied with just kissing, but that was a massive miscalculation.
Yu-rin was far more intense than I'd given her credit for.
By the time I realized just how twisted her desires had become, I knew all my careful planning had been for nothing.
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One day, right after a particularly messy, tongue-tangled kiss, things took a turn—just like they had in her room when we first met.
She pinned both my wrists with one hand and started tugging at my pants with the other.
I kept shouting for her to stop, but she'd completely lost it.
Her breath was ragged, her eyes were glazed over, and her hands were frantic as she clawed at my clothes.
It was a perfect storm of puberty, a decade of repressed lust, and her recent discovery of masturbation—things I couldn't have known at the time.
But when I finally managed to glare at her with cold, hard eyes and gave her a firm, absolute "no"...
She had no choice but to back down.
Maybe she realized that if she actually raped me, our relationship would be over. She stopped, her excitement cooling into something else.
She apologized, but then she blamed me, saying I was the one who'd worked her up so much she couldn't control herself.
I thought back to all the times I'd teased her, rubbing against her and letting her touch me.
I realized I was partly to blame, especially since she was at an age where her hormones were peaking.
So, we reached an agreement.
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We'd wait until college to have sex, but in the meantime, I'd help her out with my hands whenever she got too frustrated.
Part of me was relieved to have a reprieve.
My face burned just thinking about it—if we'd gone all the way, I would have been pinned down, flailing like a pathetic mess because I couldn't handle the sensation.
I had to desensitize this body as much as possible before we ever reached the real thing.
If I didn't, God only knows what she'd do to me.
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.
.
I wanted to get used to it, but it was a lost cause.
The more I "practiced," the more sensitive I became.
My hundreds of sexual experiences from my past life were useless here.
If I let Yu-rin have her way with me now, I'd lose my sanity.
I was terrified of the intensity, but a small part of me was also... expectant.
Yu-rin was exactly my type, and I wanted to believe she wouldn't actually hurt me.
Besides, sex is different from masturbation. I hoped that if I tried hard enough, I could endure it.
Eventually, unable to find a real solution, I just leaned on a sense of baseless confidence and tried to ignore the looming threat.
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Time flew by, and soon it was the day of the Han-il University entrance ceremony—a day I both longed for and dreaded.
I've always found studying boring.
Most of my old memories were gone, but as I went through the motions again, things started coming back, and I realized how important it was.
I wanted to be a good son in this life, so I poured everything I had into my books.
In this world, your university is determined by your grades.
With Gates opening and monsters everywhere, what's the most lucrative career?
Medical school? Because people are always getting hurt?
Not really. Healers and Awakened with recovery powers have basically taken over the medical field.
Guild management? Handling the red tape between the military and the public?
That's just standard corporate work.
No, the real money is in Gate Resources.
Elixirs, potions, ultra-light bulletproof metals...
The tech coming out of the Gates is light-years ahead of human science.
After fifty years of regulation, you need serious licenses and skills to handle that stuff.
And the gold standard for Gate Resources is Han-il University.
It was founded by the Han-il Guild, the best in the country. They provide students with training materials worth billions of won.
No other school can compete with that.
You have to be the best of the best to get in, and the Gate Resources department is the elite of the elite.
But there was another reason I chose this school.
"Seon-ah, it's been a week."
My silver-spoon childhood friend got in easily. Between her high scores and her mother Yu-ra's massive contributions as a hunter, she was a shoo-in.
Hunter parents get their kids major perks in admissions and job hunting as a reward for their service to the country.
Of course, you need a legendary track record for that.
And Park Yu-ra, an executive at the Hwaryong Guild with a decade more experience than my mom, definitely had that.
I'd applied to Han-il specifically because it was far away. I wanted to escape Yu-rin and live in a dorm.
But somehow, she followed me here.
I was terrified. Ever since "that incident," I could see her watching me, waiting for a single opening to pin me down.
If we actually do this, I'm in trouble.
I could see that sinister, hungry look in her eyes even now.
"It's only been a week. Why are you acting like it's been forever?"
Was I just trying to run away from reality?
I tried to sound as nonchalant as possible.
"The day we've been waiting for is finally here. Aren't you excited?"
Yu-rin spoke as if she was just happy about the ceremony.
Then she leaned in close and whispered.
"About the sex."
Her voice was barely a breath, but it sent a jolt of confusion and heat straight to my face.
She licked her lips, her eyes full of raw greed. I could see exactly what she wanted to do to me.
There was a hint of sadism in her expression.
My face turned bright red.
"I'll see you right after the ceremony."
Shame and fear took root in my gut.
All I could think about was running away.
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Han-il University was prestigious, and it had a tradition: the top-ranked freshman would give a speech on behalf of the class.
Yu-rin stared intently at the stage.
The top student was Seon-ah, her best friend and her lover.
She'd studied with him for years; she knew better than anyone how brilliant he was.
Whenever her lover Seon-ah showed a good side, she was so happy that she wanted to brag about him.
"I'll end my speech here. I look forward to our time together."
As soon as he finished, he bolted. He pretended he was going to the bathroom, but he was clearly making a break for it before the ceremony even ended.
I'd already talked to some classmates, so I figured I could just hide out in the dorms once it was over.
I was sprinting toward the main gate, my heart hammering in my chest, when I saw her.
The very person I was trying to avoid was standing right there, as if she'd been waiting for me.
Yu-rin was already at the gate, and the moment she spotted me, she started walking over.
"How did she know? How was she already there?"
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Yu-rin had seen Seon-ah come down from the stage and immediately try to sneak out the back. It felt wrong.
He looked like a man trying to escape a predator.
It was suspicious—the way he'd applied to this school in secret, the way he'd suddenly become so good at kissing.
She could feel the shadow of another woman hanging over him.
A man wouldn't just casually promise sex the moment he entered university.
To some, sex was just a physical act, but for Yu-rin, it was a sacred promise she'd waited years for.
She knew Seon-ah. Even if he was seeing someone else, he wouldn't lie to her about this.
He was a guy who liked erotic things, after all.
He might hide things, but he didn't lie.
She waited at the gate with a heart full of dark anticipation.
She'd been aching for him for so long. Now that she finally had the chance to hold him accountable, she was soaking through her underwear at the thought of demanding the truth from his body.
Even if there was another woman, it didn't matter. She would ravage that lying little slut of a man until he remembered exactly who he belonged to.