Chapter 211 - Beyond That Hill
(1)
When Papa-san returned, he was surprised to find me there.
Rie-chan explained things to Papa-san.
Papa-san's expression became stern, but eventually, it brightened.
In the end, the two of them were laughing.
Once Rie-chan and Papa-san sat down on the living room sofa, Papa-san began to speak.
"Airi is fundamentally wrong. It's better to keep a man slightly bound. Nothing good happens when you leave them too much to their own devices."
"But... I was told I was robbing Toya-kun of his potential, so I just..."
"That depends on Toya-kun's feelings, doesn't it? When he's hesitating, you should just give him a push in the right direction."
"Right around the time Airi-chan was born~. Papa-san didn't help with childcare at all~."
Rie-chan began to talk.
"And so I had a huge fight with Papa-san~, and Papa-san ran away from home~. He apparently thought I would reflect on my actions~. I wanted to run away too, but I couldn't because Airi-chan was here~. While he had run away from home, Papa-san was just drinking at his friend's house~."
"...What happened then...?"
"After about three days, he popped back in and said, 'Have you reflected yet?' so Mama got pissed~. Then we had another huge fight. I even went to pick up the divorce papers~."
They had considered divorce.
"...Why didn't you?"
"Because even while the two of us were fighting, Airi-chan was living~. She was living, crying her heart out~. No matter how much I hated things, I couldn't just abandon Airi-chan. It seems the feelings were mutual, and Papa-san gave in~. After that, Papa-san started helping with childcare too~."
"...Does Airi call that binding?"
Papa-san asked me.
I shook my head.
"The bond between Airi and Toya-kun is the same. No matter how painful things get, there is a bond connecting the two. That isn't binding. ...It's a bond called affection."
Toya-kun had said something similar. That mine isn't binding. That it's a bond connecting the two of us.
But there are people who perceive that as binding...
"...Is that what Toya-kun thinks? If so, Papa won't stay silent."
I shook my head. It was just my own assumption. Even though Toya-kun cherished it, I had ruined it.
"You can just start over~. You just have to repair the frayed parts~. If you do that, you'll create an even stronger bond~."
"...Rie is right. You can just start over. ...You can start over as many times as it takes. ...If it's the two of you, you can do it."
I wanted to see Toya-kun. I'll apologize to Toya-kun. I'll ask him to please let me start over one more time.
"...Are you mentally prepared~?"
I nodded. But...
"Did Papa-san change my diapers?"
"U-uhm..."
My face grew hot.
"You can't tell Toya-kun about that!"
"Oh? Does Airi-chan intend to do the childcare alone~? He's your own child, so surely he'll change at least the diapers~."
"Even so, it's a no~!"
And so, I headed to Toya-kun's house with my luggage.
(2)
I thought I would be scolded after Father returned, but instead, he was laughing.
"Well, if he's a man, he's bound to make that kind of mistake. You'd best apologize to Airi-chan with all your heart and soul today."
Saying so, my parents, who didn't think anything of their son's romantic turmoil, watched television nonchalantly.
The doorbell rang.
I headed to the entrance with Mother.
Airi's demeanor was somewhat strange, but when Airi's parents greeted us, we led them into the living room.
Six people faced each other.
It was strange; there wasn't a shred of tension.
It began with trivial small talk.
The one who cut through that relaxed atmosphere was Airi.
"Toya-kun, and to both of your parents, I have caused you trouble. If it's alright, please let me stay in this house once more!"
Eh?
"Airi, regarding this matter, I..."
Just as I tried to say something, Mother interrupted.
"Airi-chan's room is properly prepared. The bed is just as it always was."
"Eh?"
Airi looked bewildered.
I felt the same.
"But the note I left..."
"Ah, you mean this?"
Father held up the scrap of paper and tore it to shreds.
"This should solve the problem, right?"
"Katagiri-san, I am sorry. My daughter has been quite lacking."
Airi's papa apologized.
"Well, the two of them are still young. Let us watch over them."
When Father said that, he told Mother to bring some beer.
"Airi-chan needs to organize her luggage, right? Go back to your room with Toya. And have a thorough discussion."
When Father said that, Airi and I returned to the room.
Airi began putting her change of clothes and personal belongings back into the dresser.
During that time, a silence continued.
Unable to bear the strained atmosphere, I turned on the television.
What was on at this hour was either a drama or a variety show.
Anything would have been fine.
As long as I could distract myself, it was enough.
However, seeing that, Airi quickly finished tidying up and sat next to me to watch TV.
She was keeping a slightly larger distance than usual.
That distance seemed close, yet it looked incredibly far.
Should I be the one to apologize?
The direct cause lies with me. And I have the guilt regarding Sakura-san.
I looked at Airi. Airi was leisurely gazing at the TV. However, noticing my gaze, she looked toward me.
Thump.
As the two of us bowed our heads at the same time, our foreheads collided.
"Sorry."
"I'm sorry."
The two of us were apologizing.
"I'll apologize for the thing with Sakura-san... I ignored Airi's feelings too much."
"It's okay, I'm the one who was wrong. ...Rie-chan scolded me."
Airi's mama did?
When I asked Airi back, she nodded.
"'I don't remember raising a pathetic daughter who would go home sobbing just because someone else said something!' she said... It's my fault. Even though Toya-kun told me so many times it wasn't binding, I just assumed it on my own."
"Airi, I've never once thought that I was being bound by you."
"Yeah..."
Airi's expression was still sunken. This time, her heart was clearly visible. She looked very lonely.
A situation where she couldn't even love in a normal way.
What can I do to heal Airi?
"It's okay for me to believe in Toya-kun, right?"
"I want you to believe in me."
"Then, a handshake to make up."
Airi held out her hand. I gripped that hand. Then, Airi clung to me in a hug.
"I'm sorry, I won't do it again! I won't leave a note like that again! Let me stay here. I want to be by Toya-kun's side."
"I know, Airi. You can stay forever. Because this is the place where Airi comes home to."
"Yeah."
"Airi, you haven't taken a bath yet, right? Go ahead and take one."
"Okay~."
Airi prepared her change of clothes and went to the bath.
While I was watching TV during that time, my smartphone rang.
Another video had been sent.
It seemed to be a kid around the same age. A basketball player. Taller than me. Apparently a representative player for the Universiade.
A very skilled player.
They seemed to be a player who plays inside.
While I was absorbed in that video, Airi had returned before I noticed.
I hurriedly deleted the video.
Airi is worrying. I can vaguely imagine the reason. She's probably afraid of interfering with me more than necessary. She's probably worrying about whether that will lead to binding.
Airi's heart, which had been blurred and invisible this morning, is now clearly visible. When I told Airi "come here," she drew close to me.
I showed her the videos on my smartphone. They were mostly basketball videos. She probably figured soccer was impossible. It seems Sakura-san was aiming solely for basketball.
"Toya-kun, do you want to play basketball?"
Airi said in a single, anxious tone.
"I don't think it's necessary to do it to the point of making Airi anxious."
"Am I a hindrance after all? Is my existence crushing Toya-kun's potential?"
"The question is whether I'd want to do it to the point of neglecting Airi, right? If so, the answer is 'no,' Airi."
"Back in high school, we fought over whether you'd play soccer or not, right? You said you didn't want to, so that's fine. But you said you wanted to play basketball, didn't you? So, I'm thinking maybe I should let Toya-kun play basketball."
"I think basketball would end up the same way as soccer. I've never thought I wanted to do it seriously."
Even saying that, Airi didn't seem convinced yet.
What should I do?
Airi was insistent on the single point that it's okay to play basketball.
Even when I refused, Airi would say "you don't have to worry about me" with a tearful voice.
If she persists too much, I'll just end up fighting with Airi again.
In times like this, should I rely on the Watanabe Group?
"I'm busy with the Watanabe Group stuff right now, aren't I? I don't have the leeway to be playing basketball."
"Toya-kun was the one who said there are people who do Watanabe Group activities while being in a club, remember?"
"That's true, I can't use the Watanabe Group as an excuse. It's not Airi's fault, and I can't blame the Watanabe Group either. I have to decide by my own will."
"Yeah..."
"Airi, let's go for a drive on our day off."
"Hoe?"
"Let's go to the mountains or the sea. Eat lunch boxes. It'll be cold from now on, so maybe inside the car is fine. Let's go to various places."
"Is that what Toya-kun wants to do?"
I nodded.
"I told you, didn't I? That I want to enjoy campus life with Airi."
"But weren't you told that's just playing around?"
"It's not like I'm skipping university classes, so there's no reason for anyone to complain. Besides, playing while we can is also an option, right?"
Airi is looking down. It seems she still can't erase her anxiety.
What can I do to erase Airi's anxiety?
I was thinking about that.
Is Airi becoming a shackle for me?
How can I remove that anxiety?
Because I want to be by Airi's side.
Even that single phrase makes Airi believe she is becoming a burden.
Ah, I see. Now is the time to draw out Airi's true feelings.
"Airi. I want to hear Airi's true feelings."
"Eh?"
"Do you seriously want me to play basketball? If so, I'll play basketball. But wouldn't that be because Airi told me to, making it the binding that Airi speaks of? If it's going to end up like that anyway, I want to hear Airi's true feelings."
Airi was at a loss for an answer.
She is worrying.
"That's unfair, Toya-kun. You're asking me to decide Toya-kun's future on my own whim? I can't answer that."
"If you respect my will, I want to go on as we have been. I intend to have always chosen the best path."
"Are you staying with me of your own will? Does that mean I'm not a burden?"
"Of course."
"Then, that's fine. I'm sorry. For my selfishness..."
"It's not Airi's fault."
An expression of relief appeared on Airi's face.
I looked at the clock. It was past 23:00.
Tomorrow is Saturday, so I don't have to be so conscious of the morning, but I was tired from the conversation with Airi.
"Shall we go to sleep early?"
"Yeah."
As I said that and got into bed, Airi got in too. At that moment, Airi seemed to notice something.
"Toya-kun, what were you doing with Sakura-san?"
Heh?
"It's useless to try and dodge the question. Sakura-san's perfume scent is remaining in the futon."
Why are women's senses of smell so sharp?
"Come to think of it, you were kissing too..."
Someone please tell me how to escape this crisis.
"I was pinned down by Sakura-san."
I confessed honestly.
"...And after that?"
"It was an attempted act."
Thump
"I can't believe you'd lay a hand on another woman just because I wasn't here!"
When told that, I have no words to reply.
"...Just kidding. As I thought, Toya-kun is no good without me."
Saying so, Airi was laughing.
(3)
"Well then, shall we head back, President?"
"I'm always sorry."
"No, this is also part of the job."
Saying so, I escorted Harada-san home.
"I wonder if those two were alright today?"
"They're the two with the strongest bond in the group, so they'll be fine. Surely."
I didn't know what the cause was either.
Though it seems certain that Sakura-san is involved.
"Come to think of it, he was staring intently at my face, Shiina-kun too, what on earth is that?"
"...I heard Katagiri-senpai can read other people's hearts."
"You mean he was reading my thoughts at that time?"
"It seems it's different from that; it's like something at the depths of the heart is visible abstractly."
"What is he plotting by doing such a thing?"
They say a woman's intuition is scary. Harada-san is likely no exception.
"Apparently, he wants to pair up Shiina-san and Niina-san. As for reading Harada-san's heart, it seems to be a habit he always has with people he meets for the first time."
"He's very cautious, isn't he..."
"Seems so."
I stopped the car in front of the apartment where Harada-san lives.
After letting Harada-san out of the car, she headed toward the entrance.
When escorting Harada-san, I make it a point to escort her to the front of her room.
When we reached the front of the room, Harada-san said "See you" and entered her room.
When the door closed, the room's light became visible from the window.
After a while, the shower room's light became visible.
When the sound of the shower began to be heard, I strained my ears.
Eventually, the sound of the shower vanished, and the lighting also went out.
When the room's light also vanished, I went home.
Leaving the apartment, I looked at her room.
The lighting remained off.
I returned home.
Next month, autumn leaf viewing with Harada-san.
I don't know what kind of effect that will have.
However, since the matchmaking group has started moving, it should be fine.
I was looking forward to that day.
While relaxing after returning to my room, my smartphone rang.
It was Niina-san. I answered the phone.
"Hello?"
"Ah, Manabe-kun, what should I do? About the autumn leaf viewing."
"Isn't it great, being with Shiina-san?"
"I'm sure Manabe-kun thinks so. Since you're with Harada-san."
"We're talking about Niina-san right now, aren't we?"
"I wanted to go with Manabe-kun."
"Nothing will change even if you go with me."
"Nothing will change even if I go with Shiina-san."
"Katagiri-senpai sent the signal, right? It'll be fine."
"The one I love is Manabe-kun!"
I was at a loss for words. As expected, it was painful. Saying the same thing over and over.
"...The one I love is Harada-san."
"I'll be waiting."
How can I release her from this spell?
Why did she come to love me?
I beg you, please stop chasing me.
"That's enough already. Please release me."
"I'll be alone forever. Because I'll love you forever."
"I think there will probably never be a time in my life when I can respond to those feelings."
"Even so, it's fine... bye now."
Saying so, she hung up the phone.
I sent a message to the Watanabe Group boys' gathering.
The content was what we just spoke about.
"That's a tough one," Watanabe-senpai said.
"Just keep her on the hook, you can crash and burn without any worries," said Kiritani-senpai.
Katagiri-senpai said nothing. Is he still harboring problems?
"If what Toya is saying is true, if you wait until next month, it'll surely change. Wait until then."
Watanabe-senpai said that.
Change.
There is a part of me that thinks that's lonely.
What on earth should I do?
I was thinking about such things alone.
(4)
I dive onto the bed.
I hug the futon.
I can become the girlfriend of the senpai I admire.
I thought so.
There is no longer anyone to get in the way.
I don't quite understand Tosaka-senpai, but she withdrew of her own accord.
From now on, I will support senpai.
I will fulfill senpai.
I'll show him that I can make him happy.
At that moment, the smartphone rings.
It's from Katagiri-senpai.
He called right away.
"Hello?"
"Ah, Sakura-san?"
"Yes, that's right."
"I have something to talk about, is now a good time?"
"Yes, please go ahead."
"Regarding today's matter... I cannot respond to your feelings."
Eh?
I felt as if I had been pushed from heaven into hell.
"W-why is that? I'll wait until you come to love me."
"Because I have Airi."
"But weren't you rejected by Tosaka-senpai!"
"Because we got back together."
Why does it turn out like that?
What happened?
What happened at the family meeting?
"Am I not good enough?"
"Sorry..."
"I won't give up."
"Eh?"
"I'll definitely make senpai look my way. I'm the only one who can make senpai happy."
"Sakura-san, please listen to me properly."
"What senpai feels for Tosaka-senpai right now isn't affection, it's mere binding. I'll show you that I can release that spell."
"Sakura-san..."
"I'm going to take a shower now, so bye!"
After cutting the call, I take a shower.
Tears flow along with the shower.
Don't lose, me.
I'll absolutely not give up.
I swore that.
(5)
"There's a place I want to go today."
That's what Toya-kun said after noon.
If we go there now, we won't make it in time for the nightly game, you know?
"That's fine. Is it not okay?"
"It's okay, but wait a moment."
Saying so, I changed and prepared myself.
Then, I got into Toya-kun's car and went out.
I didn't know why he wanted to go there.
He's probably thinking that it'll be a good distraction for me, or something like that. I'm fine.
I'm just bewildered because I don't know how to interact with Toya-kun.
We made up. Toya-kun had rejected Sakura-san by phone on that same day. Though it seems she hadn't given up.
I didn't know what to do. How can I avoid binding Toya-kun?
Is it enough if I just spend my time alone in the castle of memories?
That's lonely. I hate it if Toya-kun isn't by my side. Isn't that just depending on Toya-kun?
Is it better to live apart after all?
No, I'll just make Toya-kun anxious during our precious outing time.
During the drive, I behaved brightly and talked to Toya-kun about various things.
Toya-kun also listened to my stories with a smile.
We arrived at the destination.
There are still many people.
Toya-kun was eating soft-serve ice cream.
He bought some for me too.
Actually, I wasn't in the mood for food, but I matched Toya-kun.
Because I can't let Toya-kun worry any more than this.
When Toya-kun finished his soft-serve, he suggested we walk to the hill.
The way up to the top of the hill was a gentle slope, and it wasn't paved, so we walked on soft soil.
It was fine since I had asked Toya-kun for the destination beforehand and had come wearing sneakers and pants.
"Is the footing okay?"
"Yeah."
Toya-kun took my hand and walked, matching my stride.
When we finally climbed the hill, a superb view spread out.
Mountains lined up, creating a vast basin.
"Beautiful..."
"How do you feel?"
Toya-kun asked.
Toya-kun is smiling.
"I feel great."
"I see. That's good."
Toya-kun seems to be thinking about something.
Then he opened his mouth.
"From now on, it's Airi's freedom. You don't have to be bound by me. You can do as you please. I'll release you from the binding that is me."
Does that mean we're breaking up?
Did I do something again?
I was finally feeling good, and now it's been ruined.
But Toya-kun continued to speak.
"...What would you do if I said that?"
Hit hit hit hit!
"Toya-kun, you idiot! Why do you say such mean things?"
I clung to Toya-kun, crying.
Toya-kun gently enveloped me as I was.
"That's the answer to Airi's anxiety. No matter how much we're bound, no matter how much we depend on each other. Isn't that fine? If we're happy now. We're not causing trouble for anyone."
I see, Toya-kun had noticed. My worries.
And he found the answer for me.
"People living in a basin don't know the vastness of the sea. They don't know the wonder of these vast plains. It's the same for Airi. There are things you only realize after crossing the hill. You realized it, right? Your own feelings."
"Yeah."
After that, I gazed at the plains with Toya-kun for a while.
It's okay for me to be as I am now, right?
I'm not becoming a shackle for Toya-kun, right?
"Let's come again."
"Yeah, I'll bring you whenever. Whenever Airi is hesitating."
"Yeah, thank you."
Toya-kun is holding my hand.
I squeeze Toya-kun's hand back.
"Well, shall we head back soon?"
"Yeah."
No matter how far apart we are, our hearts are always together.
That isn't binding.
We might be depending on each other, but if the two of us depend on and support each other, then that's fine.
The autumn blue sky spoke thus.