Chapter 394 - Fear
(1)
Pipipipi...
The smartphone alarm rings.
Stopping the alarm, I look next to me.
Airi is already not there.
Going to the kitchen, Airi was preparing breakfast.
"Good morning, Airi."
When I call out to Airi, Airi is surprised.
"Good morning. What is the matter? It is not even 7 o'clock yet?"
Even though today is a holiday, Airi says.
Sitting in my usual seat in the dining room, I spoke to Airi across the counter.
"It's because it's a day off. Airi, you were planning to let me sleep the whole time, weren't you? While doing the housework yourself."
"I am sorry... I just wanted to let Toya-san rest, even if only a little."
"Then you have to rest too, Airi. I told you, didn't I? Don't make me into a useless husband."
"I am terribly sorry."
"No, I gratefully accept your feelings, Airi. More importantly, shall we eat?"
"Yes."
And so, after we eat, Airi does the tidying up.
Once the tidying up is finished, she starts vacuuming.
Meanwhile, the washing machine is running.
Once the drying is finished, Airi does the ironing.
I also move to the bedroom.
She said we would relax at home today and tomorrow.
How on earth should I get Airi to rest...
I was thinking about that while watching Airi work meticulously.
Noticing my gaze, Airi spoke to me.
"Is something the matter?"
"I was thinking, how can I get Airi to rest?"
"Once this is finished, I will relax, you know?"
"Can you really relax?"
"Let's see, after this is preparing lunch and tidying up, cleaning the bath, preparing dinner and tidying up, and..."
You aren't relaxing or resting at all.
"Airi, can I make a request of you?"
"Yes, what is it?"
I hug Airi from behind.
A body so slender that it makes me wonder if she has lost some weight.
Is it really tough for her every day?
"I'm going to relax too, so I want my wife to pay attention to me."
I whisper in Airi's ear.
Sensing my intention, Airi happily grasps my hands that are hugging her.
"You really are a spoiled child, aren't you. What a handful."
Saying so, Airi says, "Just let me do this," and continues ironing.
Once that is finished and all the laundry is put away, Airi clings to me.
"Since it is a promise, it cannot be helped, can it. What should I do?"
"Today, let's spend the day watching TV. Shall we rent a movie at the rental shop while we're out shopping?"
"Tomorrow as well, is it fine if I just pamper myself with Toya-san?"
When Airi says that, I nod.
"I am truly happy. To be cherished this much."
When it gets close to noon, Airi starts making lunch.
During that time as well, I sit at the dining table and keep Airi company in conversation.
Once Airi's tidying up is finished, we sit on the living room sofa and watch TV.
I watch TV while enjoying physical contact with Airi.
Saturday daytime TV programs are boring things, but if I watch while talking with Airi, it is no pain.
"Toya-san, I have a request..."
"What's the matter?"
Airi says she wants to go to the bedroom.
Because she can relax more that way, she says.
She must have gotten into that kind of mood.
"I understand. ...Up we go."
"Kyaa!"
Lifting Airi in a princess carry, I carry her to the bedroom.
Laying her down on the bedroom bed, I lie down next to her.
"What should we do after this?"
"Just being by my side is enough."
Saying so, Airi clings to me.
I decided to enjoy a lazy sleep with Airi during the peaceful afternoon hours.
Airi's sleeping breaths are a cute lullaby.
Airi must be tired too.
Very comfortable. It was an event of the afternoon.
(2)
"It's pretty heavy."
"Is this fine for the second floor?!"
The people who were in the Basketball Club came to help with the move.
Since there were many male hands, it proceeded relatively easily.
When it became lunchtime, I treated them to soba.
"Thank you very much, since after this I only have to unpack with Tasuku."
"It's fine, we'll have you help us during our times too."
Toma-senpai says.
Once the senpai left, we started unpacking.
Around evening, Tasuku starts saying, "I'm getting hungry soon."
"Then, I will go shopping."
"It's fine, let's eat out and relax at least for today."
"I have to prepare tomorrow's breakfast anyway. I will go buy it."
"Then, I'll go too."
From the new home to the supermarket, it is in a place that takes less than 5 minutes by car.
A place where buses and trains hardly run.
Even so, it takes at most 10 minutes to reach the University.
Buying ingredients, seasonings, and such at the supermarket makes for quite a large amount.
It was a help that Tasuku came.
"Is there a need for this much?"
"It's the first time, so it can't be helped."
Bringing it back home, I organize it and start cooking.
Tasuku continues unpacking during that time.
"Tasuku, dinner is ready."
Saying so, Tasuku comes to the dining room.
Dining with Tasuku, just the two of us.
I showed off my skills in my own way.
Tasuku said it was delicious.
Once we finish eating, I start tidying up.
Tasuku returns to organizing the luggage.
"I'm finished~"
Tasuku came out of the bedroom.
"Good work, go take a bath or something."
When I say so to Tasuku, Tasuku went into the bath.
Once Tasuku finished his bath, he took out a can of beer from the refrigerator and started drinking alone.
Once I finished organizing most of my own luggage, I took a bath and started drinking with Tasuku in the living room.
"Good work."
Tasuku says that single word and watches TV.
Tasuku's state is strange.
"Tasuku, did something happen?"
"No, we're becoming husband and wife next week, right?"
The greetings to our parents are finished.
All that's left is to submit the marriage registration, which is pending only upon my classes being over, after which we just have to submit the necessary documents to the city office.
Did something happen with that?
"No... it's just that I have various anxieties, you know?"
"Are you anxious about marrying me?"
"I'm happy that I can be with Sakurako, but..."
"?"
It seems Tasuku felt anxious after hearing the complaints of other cohabitating married couples and partners at the training camp.
It seems he is worrying about how he should behave.
Won't I accumulate dissatisfaction? It seems he felt anxious that I might regret marrying him.
Even Tasuku thinks about these things.
"That's right, since Tasuku has zero life skills. Moreover, you are the owner of a talent that quickly turns everywhere except the bedroom into a mountain of trash."
I will probably shoulder numerous hardships from now on. I told Tasuku so. Tasuku is depressed.
"Did Tasuku regret it? Getting such a nagging wife."
"...I might make you suffer. When I think about that, I can't honestly rejoice." (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads 喜びないんだ instead of 喜べないんだ [cannot rejoice])
Can I become the ideal husband for Sakurako? Tasuku says so.
"I don't regret it, you know. Choosing the path of being together with Tasuku. I have anxieties too, like whether I can support Tasuku's life."
"I might not be able to become an ideal husband like Toya."
"Don't misunderstand. Katagiri-senpai and the others might certainly be the ideal couple. But for me, the ideal husband is Tasuku. That fact does not change."
Tasuku is not Katagiri-senpai. But I am not Tosaka-senpai either.
"Even so, I believe in Tasuku's feelings. I believe that I am loved. No matter what happens in the future, the only one by my side is Tasuku. Have confidence."
You are fine just the way you are now, so you don't have to strain yourself at all.
"Sakurako, I might make you suffer, but..."
"That is something we agreed not to say. Let's work hard together and become happy, okay?"
"Yeah, that's right."
It seems Tasuku was able to understand.
"But that's not all, is it? Tasuku's anxiety."
"...You noticed?"
"Who do you think I am?"
I am the partner who has watched you for three years.
Tasuku began to speak.
The work isn't fun, but it's not particularly tough or anything like that. It's just that, playing basketball, I can't help but feel like I'm spinning my wheels alone.
I miss the days when I spent all my time playing basketball. But I can't adapt to the current environment, which feels like it completely denies those nostalgic days.
I look into Tasuku's eyes.
He seemed to be brooding.
"Maybe I shouldn't have gotten a job through basketball."
Tasuku says.
If I hadn't gotten a job through basketball, if I had cleanly quit basketball like Katagiri-senpai, I might have been able to make a clean break.
"...Even so, you love basketball, don't you?"
"Well, yeah."
"Then, you should continue. You should just search for a new way to face basketball. Tasuku, you said you miss it. Since the line has already been drawn, you should just search for your way of facing basketball from now on."
Just like Kimoto-senpai did.
"Is it okay to imitate Kimoto-senpai?"
"Eh?"
"It seems Kana-san is accumulating quite a bit of dissatisfaction, though."
"That's true, but I'm not worried about that."
Because I will make a place for you.
"I will properly prepare a place for Tasuku to return to. I will make a place for you. So don't worry."
"It really seems like I'm going to end up completely relying on you."
"That is what I am here for. It is better than you relying on other women."
I say so and laugh.
Tasuku is the shining of a star to me.
I need you.
Together, let us connect the sky.
Let's live without giving up on life.
Don't be afraid of love guiding you in the darkness.
"...What can I do for you?"
"It's fine if you do the same thing."
Together, holding hands, let's live without giving up on life.
Don't be afraid of love guiding you in the darkness.
"I'll be in your care from now on."
"I will be in your care as well."
Leaping across the blue of the abyss, all to turn to ash with Tasuku.
(3)
Clang-clang.
The door bell rings.
The ones who arrived were the Sakai couple.
"Oh, Yoshiyuki. It's been a while! Is work going well?!"
The Master is shouting from the kitchen.
"Well, I wonder if it's going well~?"
"Are you still worrying about what happened earlier? Something like that is no problem."
"You say that, but don't you think the opponent is too formidable? Akira-chan."
"Zen-kun, which is more important to you, the prefectural governor or me?"
"I think that's different from that kind of problem, though."
I don't understand the content of the conversation very well.
"What's wrong, Yoshiyuki? Did you make some blunder?"
Nakajima-senpai says.
It seems Nakajima-senpai came to kill time because Honoka-senpai went to work.
"Whether I made a blunder or what..."
Is he unwell somewhere?
His complexion is bad.
When looking at his wife's face, does she have a face that says there is no problem?
"How frustrating. What happened?"
Nakajima-senpai says.
In the meantime, Saki-senpai was carrying coffee and black tea.
The one who began the explanation was Akira-san.
Right after the training camp ended, he received a summons to the company.
His wife stopped Sakai-senpai, who was heading to the company after receiving the summons, and asked about the circumstances.
It was that the prefectural governor was apparently coming to visit regarding the matter of building solar power generation on the purchased land, so they wanted him to come immediately.
Learning of that, his wife was furious.
"Why does my husband need to go out of his way for a rude person who comes without making an appointment in advance during a long-awaited consecutive holiday?! There is no need to respond to such a useless person!"
And so, she apparently called the managing director to their home and scolded him.
The summoned managing director and secretary reportedly did nothing but bow their heads.
"But what do you plan to do if the plan falls through? It must have cost a large amount of money to buy that land."
Sakai-senpai says.
But his wife says.
"It's no problem, Zen-kun. That land is not just ordinary land. It's land that is important for national security, you see. We can just threaten them by saying, 'If you scrap the plan, we have our own ideas. We don't mind selling it to a Chinese-affiliated company for double the purchase price.'"
I feel like I am listening to something dangerous.
Nakajima-senpai has a face that says, "What a pity."
"Even so, I wonder if there are no decent presidents in local companies? Calling people out on holidays. Calling them to worthless meetings at night."
"But Akira-chan. This time the opponent is bad. It's the prefectural governor. We won't be able to get public works projects."
"If such a small fry opposes us, we'll just drag him down in the next gubernatorial election! We can just field Morishige-san as a candidate."
It seems there is nothing scary to his wife.
"By the way, is Emi not here today?"
"I heard she cannot come due to urgent business."
Saki-san answered.
"Even though it's a consecutive holiday, everyone is working hard. They should rest during a consecutive holiday at least."
"Well, because there are also industries where you can't rest. Like Honoka."
It seems she struggled quite a bit to get two consecutive days off. Nakajima-senpai says she was also told plenty of sarcastic remarks.
Two consecutive days off? What happened yesterday?
"I heard both Honoka and Ai-san were on the late-night shift, you know? And today, they went straight into the day shift."
Nakajima-kun explained.
"It seems to be true when they say to play while you're a student."
Sakai-senpai's wife says.
"Well, we're going home. We just dropped by on the way to shopping. I'm glad the atmosphere hasn't changed... though."
Sakai-senpai says.
Though?
"Did something happen?"
"No, don't worry about it. Ever since I got caught up in that dangerous incident, I've become overly sensitive. It's probably just my imagination."
"Huh..."
"Well, that's how it is. We'll come again to relax."
The Sakai couple went home.
"Oops, I can't be taking it easy either. Honoka will be back soon. I have to prepare dinner! Well, I'll come again."
Nakajima-senpai also went home.
"Being a working adult seems tough."
Saki-senpai says.
"Senpai, what are you going to do about employment?"
"I plan to get a job at Emi-senpai's company. Because I'm anxious about the future with only my husband's earnings."
Saki-senpai says so and laughs.
By the way, regarding the solar power generation business, the governor reportedly came to apologize at a later date. Construction apparently started without incident. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads 無事にに [double particle] instead of 無事に [safely])
(4)
"Are you okay? Mizuki?"
"I'm okay... because I'm used to it."
I had come to have lunch with Koizumi-kun.
We were having a fun conversation in an ordinary restaurant.
Just when I thought we should leave soon, it happened.
A sudden numbness in my lower limbs.
It has started to occur frequently recently.
I go for monthly treatment.
If I have surgery it will be cured, but there is no such time. Now is an important period.
"You're used to it... is it always? Since when?"
My tongue slipped.
I don't want to say.
I tightly close my mouth.
At that moment, Koizumi-kun's smartphone rang. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads なった [became] instead of 鳴った [rang])
"Hello, this is Koizumi. Ah, President... Yes, we are together, but... I understand. We will head over right away."
Koizumi-kun's call ended. It seems to be from the office. It seems he was told to come to the office immediately.
We headed to the office.
I vaguely guessed the reason.
For that reason, I want to confirm once more.
"Hey, Koizumi-kun?"
"What's the matter?"
"I think what we are going to talk about at the office from now on will surely affect my whole life."
"Eh?"
His facial expression changed.
Will he think I'm a clingy woman?
But if I don't ask... I was anxious.
"Will Koizumi-kun stay with me forever?"
Words that, no matter how anyone took them, could only sound like a confession of love.
Koizumi-kun thought for a while.
And then he said.
"I think those are words that should come from me to Mizuki, though."
"Sorry."
But because I wanted to ask. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads 聞いておたかった instead of 聞いておきたかった [wanted to ask])
"You don't have to apologize. More than that, is it really okay if it's me? I am nothing more than your attendant, but is it okay to become more than that?"
"We already have, long ago."
"I see, I understand. I promise. We can't put it into shape yet, but let's be together someday."
Thank goodness.
"But is it that important? The President and the others also seemed a bit strange, though."
I said nothing.
Arriving at the office, we enter the reception room. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads 就くと [to take office] instead of 着くと [to arrive])
The President and Emi-san were there.
"Koizumi-kun, I'm sorry, but could you leave the room? Because it's a slightly important talk..."
As expected, my premonition was correct.
"If that's the case, I will wait outside... Mizuki?"
I was grabbing his arm.
"It is better to have him listen too. Because he will be involved from now on too..."
"Even though it's something we are keeping quiet even from Kasumi, is it okay?"
"...Yes."
"I understand. Koizumi-kun, please sit."
"Yes."
Koizumi-kun sits next to me.
The talk was brought up by Emi-san.
"You canceled your hospital visit before the consecutive holidays, didn't you? There was a contact from the hospital!"
"I am sorry. I couldn't go because there was a meeting."
"I was told by Miyuki-sensei, 'Please adjust the schedule because of future matters.'"
"Please wait a moment! Hospital visits... is there something wrong with Mizuki somewhere?"
Koizumi-kun stands up and says.
"...Mizuki, shouldn't you explain it yourself? You've made up your mind, haven't you?"
When Emi-san says so, I slowly began to speak.
Neurogenic bladder due to spina bifida occulta.
Spina bifida is a disease designated as an intractable disease by the country. It involves the lumbar and sacral vertebrae.
Neurogenic bladder is one of the symptoms of spina bifida.
A disease where the state of urination and urine storage worsens. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads 畜尿 [livestock urine] instead of 蓄尿 [urine storage])
In my case, it is a mild symptom to the extent that it can be suppressed by taking oral medication.
I must receive a medical examination and get medicine every month.
The reason numbness in my lower limbs has been occurring recently is because I wasn't taking the medication.
Koizumi-kun listened to the story in silence.
When I finished speaking, Emi-san held something out.
"They brought it today. This month's medicine. But go to the hospital immediately once the consecutive holidays are over. Koizumi-kun, you understand, right?"
"Yes, I will definitely take her."
"We will keep this matter a secret among the four of us. I respect your intention. But if you cancel a hospital visit again, I will report it to the manager."
Manage yourself so that doesn't happen. Emi-san said so.
After that, we left the office.
"Shall we go eat something somewhere?"
"Yes."
Entering a restaurant, we order. We wait for the food to come.
He says nothing.
He surely does not know what kind of words to say.
I tried bringing it up myself.
"Do you regret it?"
"Eh?"
"Saying that you would be with me."
"I understand Mizuki's determination. From now on, I will watch Mizuki closely."
"...Thank you."
I was crying.
"How heavy is it?"
"It's not that heavy, it's fine if I take the medicine. It's just that I have to keep taking it for the rest of my life. Until now, my parents accompanied me."
"...I understand. Mizuki, tomorrow I want to greet Mizuki's parents."
"Eh?"
"It is more convenient for me to take you than for your parents to accompany you. Considering future matters as well, it is better to go greet them early on."
"Future matters?"
"Once the first semester is over, shall we look for an apartment together?"
"...Is it okay?"
Koizumi-kun nodded.
"Thank you."
"Someone like me might not be reliable, but. I want you to rely on me more from now on."
"Yeah..."
Fear.
But we must not give up on living life now, life is always continuously moving. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads 諦めなきゃいけない [must give up] instead of 諦めちゃいけない [must not give up])
Do not fear, love will guide me even in a pitch-black world.
Let the two of us play the melody of the wind's beginning.
(5)
Once both of us finished our baths, we were watching TV in the bedroom.
Airi while keeping the household account book.
Once Airi finished keeping the household account book and closed her laptop, she sat close next to me.
That is Airi's sign.
I gently hold Airi's shoulder.
Airi is leaning against me, playing with her smartphone.
She is probably looking at the Watanabe group chat.
"Today has also ended safely, hasn't it."
Airi called out to me.
"That's right."
I reply to her.
Time flows slowly.
Only the sound of the TV flows.
Even while doing this, we are confirming each other's heartbeats.
Our heartbeats echo together.
Let's make them echo all the way to the end of this world, forever.
My entire body remembers the moment they echoed together.
The sun that you shine upon.
I need you.
If the two of us are together, we can illuminate the world.
Do not fear.
Live, do not give up, move forward.
We will probably continue to move forward forever from now on too. (T/N: possible typo in source — original reads これらも [these too] instead of これからも [from now on too])
With Airi by my side. Slowly.
Even if Airi becomes an adult and goes far away many times, and I who watch over her, I who cannot sleep, become crumpled up...
"Toya-san, it is about time..."
Airi says.
Turning off the TV and dimming the lights, I get into bed.
Tomorrow, I will probably meet Airi again.
In order to sing your name...