Chapter 403 - Sentiments of Dawn

(1)

"That's true, there are various problems, but for now, it's finding a job."

I said so.

The meeting about Kiritani-kun that had suddenly begun.

"That guy is already hopeless! Talking to him and lecturing him is just a waste of effort, isn't it?!"

"Yeah, he even ran away today, didn't he?!"

Kanna and Mika-san said.

Airi was explaining Kiritani-kun's background to Sasaki-kun.

I tried asking if we could at least introduce him to Akira-san or Emi-san for a job.

"We could at least introduce him, but it also ties into our credibility with the person we introduce him to."

"If a subcontractor is fine, I can introduce him, but the problem is whether Kiritani-kun's character will allow him to last. Just as Emi says, it affects our credibility."

Emi-san and Akira-san said.

There were plenty of jobs that matched Kiritani-kun's abilities. However, they said it was doubtful whether he had the will or motivation to keep doing them.

"Even after we said all that, he hasn't looked for a job for two months, right? There's less than two months left."

Makoto said.

Indeed, motivation might be the problem.

Does he still think a part-time job is fine?

"I feel bad for everyone, but I think discussing him is useless. No matter how many times we told him until now, he didn't listen."

Ai-san said.

Even with the car issue, he was still doing it without learning his lesson.

"It's grip driving, so it's safe."

That's not the issue, though.

"So please just leave him alone."

Ai-san said.

"We can't do that. If it were just Kiritani-kun alone, we would leave him be, but Ai-san's livelihood is also at stake. We can't leave it alone."

"It's just as Toya says, this is a discussion for Ai-san's sake."

Watanabe-kun said.

"For now, we can't even talk without that guy here!"

Mika-san said.

Ai-san was making a phone call.

"I see."

It seemed Airi's explanation was finished. Sasaki-kun seemed to understand.

And then, he posed a different question,

"I understand about the person named Kiritani-san. I also understand the reason she married such a man. The problem is from here on, right? First of all, is she going to continue living with Kiritani-san from now on? Shouldn't we start from there?"

"No, Sasaki-kun. I told you earlier, didn't I? We've debated that matter many times."

Airi rebuked Sasaki-kun.

But Ai-san said.

"I don't know what to do either. It's fine if I just don't care. We won't even see each other's faces anyway."

Apparently, whether because he grew tired of hearing Ai-san's complaints and dissatisfaction, he didn't seem to come home while Ai-san was there.

Hearing that, the women naturally flew into a rage!

"He doesn't work! He doesn't do housework! He doesn't even pay attention to his wife! What on earth does that guy think Ai is?!"

Kanna said.

"Ai-san, what happened with the phone call?"

I asked Ai-san.

"He said he's coming..."

"I see... he's coming."

I was thinking.

A way to rehabilitate Kiritani-kun.

Does such a method even exist?

"Sorry to keep you waiting~ Is everyone having fun~?"

Kiritani-kun, who was dead drunk and had been enjoying the afterparty, came in in high spirits.

Was everyone utterly dumbfounded? Or were they speechless with anger? No one said anything.

"Oh~? What's wrong, everyone? Not singing? Well, maybe I'll go first?"

Watanabe-kun snatched the device from Kiritani-kun, who was holding it and trying to enter a song.

"What are you doing?!"

He grabbed the protesting Kiritani-kun by the collar and tried to punch him.

That was bad. I had to stop him.

The first to move was Yuki-san.

"Calm down, Watanabe-kun. A municipal officer getting drunk and committing assault in a karaoke parlor is a scandal that is no laughing matter."

"It's just as Yuki-senpai says, Watanabe-kun, calm down."

"Watanabe-kun, we are civil servants. We mustn't forget that!"

Yuki-san, Hasebe-san, and Nakajima-kun stopped him.

"Then there's no problem if it's me, right?! Eita, you bastard, you don't even know why you were called out here, do you?!"

When Watanabe-kun let go of Kiritani-kun, Mika-san, who was next to him, lunged at him, but Kanna and Makoto stopped her.

"Mika-san, calm down!"

"That's right, Mika! A guy like this isn't even worth punching."

Makoto and Kanna said.

"Why was I called? I was just told to come because you guys were having an afterparty, though?"

Kiritani-kun said.

"Kiritani-kun, do you remember the question I asked you earlier?"

"No?"

"What do you think the opposite of love is?"

"Ah, that. It's not hate, right? What is it?"

"Indifference. I hear you're avoiding contact with Ai-san?"

"Of course I am! Whenever we meet, she just keeps spouting complaints and dissatisfaction, you know? I can't deal with that!"

It seemed to have touched a nerve with Makoto and Mika-san.

"Then, are you doing anything for Ai as a husband? Ai isn't your housekeeper or your mother!"

"You don't even show any willingness to find a job, and you don't do housework. Yet you complain about your wife like you're somebody. Who the hell do you think you are?"

Mika-san and Makoto said.

"What? You want to lecture me? If that's how it is, I'm going home."

Watanabe-kun and Makoto grabbed both arms of Kiritani-kun, who said that and tried to leave.

"You don't think you can escape now, do you?"

"Sit down, Eita. I'm in a really bad mood right now. I don't know what I might do..."

"Makoto, you're a J-Leaguer too, right? Calm down!"

I held Makoto back.

And then, I said to Kiritani-kun.

"Kiritani-kun, let's discuss this calmly from here on. Calmly! If you make even one wrong choice, it will undoubtedly lead to ruin."

"What do you mean, ruin?!"

"Literally your personal ruin! You will lose everything!"

"Why would it turn out like that?!"

Kiritani-kun didn't seem to understand the meaning.

Then, Emi-san and Akira-san spoke up.

"Personal ruin... how interesting. If we use the power of the Watanabe group, ruining the life of a small fry like this is nothing."

"Just as Emi says. We can at least make it so he has no place left in this town, you know?"

"If that's the case, I'll lend a hand too."

"I'll help too."

Shiratori-san and Kisaragi-kun also said.

"Bring it on! What are you going to do?! Do it if you can!"

"Toya! If Masashi and the others and Makoto aren't here, we can do whatever we want, right?! Let's just beat him to a pulp ourselves, roll him up in a straw mat, and dump him by the riverbed!"

"Mika-chan, that sounds good. Don't worry, covering up something of that level is child's play."

Emi-san said.

"Wait, wait, wait. This is why when only young people gather, you never know what they'll do."

"Everyone, let's calm down! Doing that won't save Ai-san, will it?"

"That's right, at times like this we must follow Katagiri-kun's example and stay calm."

Tange-san, Shiina-san, and Miyuki-san said.

"Even a guy like this might have useful organs. If you do it, please make sure not to damage his internal organs."

Nishimatsu-kun was casually saying something terrifying.

It seemed I couldn't afford to make a wrong choice either.

However, regardless of gender, everyone present in this place was angry.

And the man himself was dead drunk.

First, we had to do something about him.

"Ai-san, what is your shift tomorrow?"

"I have the late-night shift tomorrow."

"Toya! Don't worry about everyone's time! Staying up for one night is nothing!"

"Sorry, Eita! I just happened to get tomorrow off too."

Ai-san, Mika-san, and Kanna said.

Do I have to think about everyone else too...?

"Kiritani-kun, are you doing any part-time work right now?"

"I am! I have to earn at least my own pocket money. That Ai jerk doesn't even give me an allowance!"

Everyone was speechless.

Ai-san was sighing.

"You're putting at least some of your part-time earnings into living expenses, right?"

"I'm not. Didn't I just say so? It's my own pocket money."

Ai-san answered.

"...Kiritani-kun, how do you perceive your current situation?"

"A college student who repeated a year. Currently job hunting~"

"...Is that all?"

"What else is there, Toya?"

"For example, thanks to whom are you able to live right now?"

"You want me to say it's thanks to Ai, right? I'm tired of hearing that kind of lecture."

"Cut it out! I told you, didn't I?! Stay calm!"

When I barked at him, everyone fell silent.

"D-Don't get so angry. What's wrong, Toya?"

"I should have told you. If you don't answer calmly and seriously, what awaits you is personal ruin."

If the Watanabe group felt like it, they really would socially erase you, you know?

"I-I get it. It's thanks to Ai."

"Are you doing anything for that Ai-san?"

"Nothing. B-But, I am thinking of letting Ai quit her job and live comfortably, you know?"

Eh?

Everyone was surprised.

It seemed to be news to Ai-san herself as well.

However, the details of it were despairing.

It was to gather funds by recruiting volunteers and dabble in futures trading, FX, and cryptocurrency.

If it went well, he would probably be able to get millions of yen in a single day.

However, although I didn't know how much assets he intended to manage, in reality, with leverage limits, there was no way such a sweet deal existed.

And earning millions of yen in profit in a single day meant the opposite was also true.

It was next to impossible for an amateur to dabble in it and keep making a profit.

Everyone understood that.

That was why no one said anything.

I explained that by myself. I also explained about the additional money required when losses exceeded the capital.

"I've thought about risk hedging, so it's fine."

If you keep cutting losses like that and end up unable to move, you won't be able to think normally anymore.

That leads to major disasters.

I desperately tried to persuade him.

However, he wouldn't understand.

"I properly studied trends and oscillators, so it's fine."

"...Can you also predict employment statistics and the rise and fall of interest rates?"

"You just read those movements and place orders, right?"

It was an amateur's way of thinking.

When employment statistics, interest rate fluctuations, and various other indicators are announced, the ups and downs become violent.

You even have to predict currency interventions by banks.

He didn't understand that they move to target stop-losses.

It wasn't something an individual could predict.

Borrowing money to invest, and if a profit is made, borrowing even more to invest... once it crashes, it's personal ruin.

Did Kiritani-kun know that there are nations full of such citizens?

"Kiritani-kun! What you are doing isn't investing, it's speculation! And it's extremely close to gambling."

When I uttered the word gambling, Kanna reacted.

"Is it gambling?"

When Kanna said that, I nodded.

Investing is putting funds long-term into promising stocks and the like.

In contrast, speculation is short-term trading that attempts to obtain profits by utilizing market fluctuations.

If you want to earn, you end up dealing with products that fluctuate wildly.

What makes it worse than simple gambling is that with gambling, if you lose and your on-hand money runs out, you have no choice but to quit.

However, in the case of speculation, even if a loss occurs, you keep holding the position thinking it will turn into a profit eventually, holding it until a forced liquidation occurs.

What's scary is when you hold a position over the weekend and incur a loss that far exceeds the loss of forced liquidation. At that time, you must cover the deficit.

Simply put, it's debt.

When I explained it simply, everyone was lost for words.

"There's a way to absolutely not lose, so it's fine."

"The moment you convince yourself that such a method exists, you're already hopeless."

I declared coldly.

There is no trader who doesn't think about losses.

Cryptocurrency is probably easy to understand, right?

There was an incident where cryptocurrency, which was thought to keep rising, suddenly plummeted.

An incident where it plummeted from 2.4 million yen to 400,000 yen.

There was no way an individual investor could sustain such a loss.

The number of people carrying large amounts of debt rapidly increased.

It's fine to "play" using surplus money.

But I said that living off that is absolutely impossible.

"It's certainly as Toya says. We've also seen people who went bankrupt because of that."

Watanabe-kun said.

"He's this kind of guy... It's fine already. It's my fault..."

Ai-san said.

How could we make him understand?

"Not this, not that, then what the hell am I supposed to do?!"

Kiritani-kun shouted.

"Kiritani-kun, what do you want to do? As I explained earlier, there is a risk of incurring a large amount of debt. And that debt won't be yours alone; Ai-san will bear it too. Do you have that much resolve?"

"...I can't cause any more trouble for Ai."

"...But you have already incurred a debt."

"Eh?"

"You have significantly lost Ai-san's trust. And not just Ai-san's, but that of everyone in the Watanabe group."

He had fallen as far as he could fall.

"How can I win it back?"

"Isn't that dependent on Kiritani-kun's actions from now on?"

"So tell me how."

"I don't know that either. Probably Ai-san doesn't know either."

"What do you mean by that?"

"If you studied investing, shouldn't you know? What do you expect from someone you can't trust?"

They'll just repeat it anyway. What do you demand from such a person?

"Toya, you said it. That I still have choices left. I can still be saved, right?!"

"Didn't you just make the wrong choice with your last option, Kiritani-kun?"

"Ah..."

Kiritani-kun stood frozen.

And then, his knees buckled.

And then, he said in a groaning voice.

"I am terribly sorry."

But no one said anything.

"I will properly look for a job starting the day after tomorrow! I will do the housework properly too!"

Kiritani-kun shouted desperately. But...

"It's just lip service again anyway, isn't it?"

Ai-san's reply was extremely cold.

Sentiments of Dawn

(2)

"It's just lip service again anyway, isn't it?"

I didn't care anymore.

I didn't expect this guy to get better even in the slightest.

I felt stupid for worrying about him.

And I felt sorry to everyone who was worrying about him for my sake.

"The talk is over, right? Today is Manami and Kanda-sensei's welcoming party. Let's liven things up."

Everyone was silent.

I guess they weren't in the mood...

It was at that moment.

"Airi, it's been a while since we did karaoke, so why don't we sing that song together?"

"Y-Yes. Isn't this the first time Toya-san has invited me? I'm happy. Which one should we choose?"

Katagiri-kun and Airi spoke up.

"While you're deciding, I'll enter one."

Misato said.

"Then, I'm next."

Kanna said.

"Alright! Let's drink again! Draft beer for me!!"

"Mika, be careful! You have work from noon, don't you?!"

"I told you I'd stay up all night, didn't I? It's fine."

"You always say that and then sleep when you get home. Think of the person who has to wake you up."

Watanabe-kun and the others also returned to normal.

"Ai, you're close to the intercom, so order for us."

Told by Kanna, I took the orders and placed them.

It became the atmosphere of a normal afterparty.

As if Eita weren't even there.

Eita also seemed confused.

Everyone sang, drank, and made a racket.

Leaving Eita all alone, they made a fuss.

Did Eita think everyone had forgiven him?

He sat next to me.

I didn't know what to do.

But everyone acted as if they had planned it beforehand.

Eita did not exist.

While Eita was singing, no one paid attention to him.

Even when Eita spoke to them, no one paid attention to him.

When Eita finally realized the situation he was placed in, he ran out of the room.

When I tried to chase after Eita, Katagiri-kun called out, "Ai-san."

"It's no good if the host slips out on her own, right?"

Katagiri-kun said and everyone laughed.

I should just leave him alone... But.

"Sorry, everyone!"

I said so and ran out of the room.

No one stopped me.

Sentiments of Dawn

(3)

I'm already an unwanted human being.

Leaving the karaoke parlor, I hailed a taxi.

"Where to, customer?"

When the driver said that to me, I suddenly realized.

Where should I go home to?

Where is there a place for me to return to?

Where should I go?

"...Excuse me. I'll get off."

Getting out of the taxi, I wandered the streets alone.

I walked in the direction opposite to the downtown area, toward the station.

I passed through the shopping district.

Young people were dancing or skateboarding.

Everyone must be overflowing with dreams and hope.

Unlike someone like me.

I've lost my dreams, my hopes, my future, and even my place to return to.

All that remains is despair and disappointment.

The person I love, my friends, my irreplaceable companions.

I've lost them all.

"Excuse me, young man over there?"

I met a fortune teller.

"You seem to be troubled by something, shall I give you some advice? Let me divine your future."

My future... I wonder what will happen?

I decided to have my fortune told.

"What should I divine?"

"Where should I go from here?"

"Hmm..."

Saying so, they began the divination.

"You have lost everything... is that not so?"

It's surprising how they can tell.

I nodded.

"But that is a misconception. There is still salvation for you."

Are they planning to sell me a crystal ball or something?

"You have lost everything. That is all."

"What do you mean?"

"You are not carrying debt. You have not committed an irreversible mistake."

I didn't understand the meaning.

"Having a debt to life only comes from carrying financial debt or committing a crime. You fall under neither."

"I do have a debt... I betrayed someone precious to me."

I lost those people's trust.

"...What do you think happens to things that have been lost?"

I was asked by the fortune teller.

"What happens to them?"

"Those who have lost everything have nothing left to do but live a life of winning them back."

Win them back...?

"Can I win them back?"

"That depends on your efforts. For now, why don't you return to the place you should return to, in order to win back the most precious thing?"

The fortune teller said so.

I walked toward the station.

The first train had already left.

Sentiments of Dawn

(4)

I went home by taxi.

The lights in the house remained off.

I hurriedly opened the door.

No one was there.

Eita hadn't returned yet.

Knowing that idiot, he's probably drinking somewhere.

I feel like a fool for worrying.

Why did I worry?

Because I had an extremely bad feeling.

His eyes were hollow.

What's the point of worrying about that now?

I don't expect anything from him.

There's no way he'll return.

It's the usual life.

He'll never return.

I'll never see him again.

When I thought that, I was acting impulsively.

A life-or-death encounter that I finally found.

I dreamed as if struggling.

I blindly reached out my hand.

I listened to Eita's chest.

I only wanted to build a rainbow with Eita...

I want him to hold me tight in the sentiments of dawn.

Tears of love that only scatter, repelled by the orbit of dreams.

Even if it is a bare pain, that's fine.

If I'm going to survive the abyss anyway, I want to love until I'm exhausted and die.

The door opened.

Eita came home.

"Where on earth were you wandering around, you idiot?!"

"I just stopped by the convenience store."

Eita was holding a job information magazine.

"I... because I lost everything."

Eita muttered softly.

"I... thought I'd get them back... starting with the most precious thing."

"The most precious thing?"

"My most precious thing is Ai... because I was told that if I lost it, I just have to win it back."

Eita said, as if savoring each and every word.

"Am I still in time? Can I win Ai back?"

I didn't know how to answer.

Am I going to forgive him again? This hopeless man...

"I don't think I can win you back right away. I'll spend my whole life winning you back. For now, please let me stay here."

Please let me stay by Ai's side. Eita said so.

"Don't be ridiculous, how can I wait a lifetime?! The wedding is next March!"

"Ai?"

"You really are a hopeless guy!! Whether you're here or not, you do nothing but make me worry!"

"Sorry..."

Kicking the crumpled dreams and heading toward their end, I wanted to bloom in the sky.

I want someone to gently stroke the outline of emptiness.

Words of love that were drowned out by the waves of time and could not be saved.

So let's search for the answer once more.

Because I love Eita's pretty smile, even if I scratch at him and make him cloudy.

I see, I still love this useless man.

That's why, even though I've given up, I end up forgiving him.

I love him so much that I want to lock away my own emotions.

To the point where I think that if my love for Eita disappears, I won't need a heart, so this world might as well vanish.

Sentiments of Dawn

(5)

"...So, did Toya-daisensei peek into Ai's heart again?"

Kanna asked.

"I didn't read it, you know?"

"Then, why did you let her go?"

Sa-kun asked.

"It's just that there was no need to read it."

"That's not an answer, Toya."

Watanabe-kun asked.

As for me, I wanted to eat this large portion of fries first, though.

"Toya-san, you can't do that. Please answer everyone's questions properly before eating."

"If I answer, can I eat?"

"Geez, I guess it can't be helped."

Airi's permission was granted. Well then, let's answer.

"I told you, right? That the opposite of love is indifference."

"Ah, you certainly said that."

Watanabe-kun was listening. There's no need to think about the rest anymore, right?

"Ai-san ran out on her own, you know?"

Yes, explanation over.

Let's eat the fries.

"I see... so she was still worried about Eita."

Watanabe-kun said.

"But wait. If so, another question remains."

Sasaki-kun said.

"What's wrong, Sasaki?"

Kanna said.

"Everyone resumed the banquet as if they had planned it beforehand, but what was the intention behind that?"

Ah, that.

"Toya was the one who started saying it at that time too, right? What's the meaning of that?"

My fries are put on hold again...

Then, Airi answered in my stead.

"Probably, I think Toya-san realized it from Ai's words that she said before that."

"Ai's words?"

Airi nodded.

"'It's just lip service again anyway, isn't it?' At first glance it seems like indifference, but I think it's actually not."

"What do you mean, Tosaka-san? I don't understand the meaning at all."

Watanabe-kun said.

"Hmm. Toya-san, could you pause your hands for a moment?"

"Airi spoils Toya too much! In times like this, you should just do this!"

Kanna snatched my plate away. What an outrage.

It can't be helped.

"It means 'You're going to do it again, aren't you?' right?"

When I said that, everyone tilted their heads.

"No matter how I hear it, it feels like zero trust, though?"

Sasaki-kun said.

"Zero doesn't equal nothingness, you know?"

"You're starting to say complicated things again."

Sa-kun said.

"Maybe it's easier to understand if you grasp it like this? 'Even if I forgive you, you'll just do it again anyway.'"

"...I see. 'Since you'll just do it again even if I forgive you, think of a penalty.' Is that how you grasped it, Katagiri?"

Tange-san said.

"Toya, what do you think will happen from now on? How should we act?"

Makoto asked.

"Isn't it fine to just go on as we have? We are good at tying bonds, but cutting ties is outside our specialty. Am I wrong?"

"But then Ai is pitiful, you know?"

Airi asked.

"Airi, what do you think the end of a romance is?"

"Eh? Isn't it a broken heart?"

"No, it's when you find a new love. While you have a broken heart, the sentiment of that broken heart still remains."

"...Now that you mention it, that might be so."

Though, if you want to win Ai-san over, now might be your chance.

"You mustn't think about such things!"

I was scolded by Airi.

I want someone to gently stroke the outline of emptiness.

The words of love kicked away by the beating of my heart were drowned out by the waves of time and could not be saved.

So I want you to answer once more.

Because I love the way you smile so prettily, even if I scratch at you and make you cloudy.