Chapter 407 - Flickering Destiny
(1)
"Toya-san, good morning. Please wake up."
"Good morning, Airi. Isn't it a bit early?"
A morning that was still slightly dark.
"I couldn't sleep very well. If you don't mind, would you like to go for a morning walk together?"
"Ah, sure."
When I stepped out of the tent with Airi, no one was awake yet.
Because Airi dislikes the night course, we walked along the morning sea while leaving the footprints of two people on the sandy beach.
We walked along the morning sea while listening to the sound of the waves and the cries of the sea birds.
When we reached a small river mouth, jumping over it was impossible, so I suggested we head back.
Upon returning, there was someone sitting on a piece of driftwood.
It was the four from Mustard, Ayato, and Matsumoto-san.
What a strange combination.
I called out to them.
"Good morning."
"Good morning."
The six of them replied.
"What's going on at this hour?"
I asked.
The reason wasn't very clear, but they seemed to have opened up to each other last night.
And so, having happened to wake up at the same time in the morning, they were talking together.
"Katagiri-san, you're cohabiting right now too, aren't you?"
Ayato asked.
"Well, yes."
"Um... is there anything like, losing your freedom in various ways?"
Ah, so that's the kind of talk they were having.
"That's right, you lose your freedom."
"I knew it..."
The six of them were thinking seriously.
I tried talking about an anime I saw a long time ago.
"What do you think it means to be free by yourself?"
"Doesn't it mean you can do whatever you want?"
Ayato answered.
"That's right, you're free to do anything. You can go anywhere. There is nothing binding you."
I asked Airi and borrowed a notepad and a ballpoint pen.
I tore off one page of the notepad and drew a stick figure in the middle.
"Something like this. There is no one to complain about whatever you do. A state where you are floating in the air all by yourself. I think this is complete freedom. What do you think when you are in a state like this?"
There is no one looking at you, there is no one who recognizes you. Can you rejoice in being free?
The six of them fell into deep thought.
"It's very unsettling. It feels like I wouldn't even know what I should do anymore."
Mizuki-san answered.
Hearing that answer, I drew a single line under the stick figure.
"By doing this, you have put your feet on the ground. In exchange, you can no longer fly through the sky. One freedom has been lost."
Having one's feelings and way of thinking firmly stable and calm is apparently called "having one's feet on the ground."
Conversely, having unsettled feelings or flighty thoughts like earlier is apparently called "not having one's feet on the ground."
I went on to draw many people and buildings.
"By doing this, your freedom of action is restricted. In exchange, there are people who watch over you firmly. Among them, there is someone who looks at you in a special way."
Another person holding hands.
"I think that's what it means to be together. Two people with different values and philosophies coming together. There's no way they can become one. But because there are two of them, they can accept each other."
That's why it's wonderful.
The six of them listened intently to my story.
"Because there is someone we can accept each other with, people can walk forward. Being alone means being free, but in exchange, we carry unstable feelings, doesn't it?"
Ohara-kun said.
"That's how it is. Aren't the six of you together because you accept each other, at least?"
"That's true... my doubts have cleared. Thank you very much."
Ohara-kun said so.
"It seems your mind is made up?"
"Yes!"
"Hey, I'm going to make breakfast, so you guys help out too!"
Ai-san said.
Is it already that time? We returned to the tents.
（２）
I woke up early.
Ai was still sleeping.
I quietly went outside the tent.
A dim morning.
I removed the charcoal that had turned to ash and placed new charcoal.
I applied fire starter to the charcoal in the middle and lit it.
After that, I stared blankly, watching the surrounding charcoal burn.
"Good morning, Eita-senpai. You're early."
Haruto woke up and came over.
"Good morning, Haruto."
While adding charcoal, I put mineral water into the pot and placed it over the fire.
I put instant coffee into cups and poured the boiling water.
I handed one to Haruto.
"You'll drink it, right?"
"Thanks a bunch!"
Once we finished drinking the coffee, next was preparing the rice. Leaving Haruto to watch the fire, I prepared the mess tins.
I repeated putting in rice, washing it, and adding water.
Since there were so many of us, the amount was incredible.
After a while, Shiratori-san came.
"I'll help..."
While preparing to cook the rice with Shiratori-san, Haruto came over.
"Everyone's waking up, so I came to help over here."
Leaving the washing to Haruto and Shiratori-san, I carried the prepared mess tins.
Everyone was waking up.
The women were preparing the side dishes and instant miso soup.
"You could have just left that to us."
Manabe and the others said.
"It's fine. I just happened to wake up early."
I said so and continued working.
Ai was calling Toya and the others who were talking on the beach.
Once breakfast was over, everyone started cleaning up.
The women did the dishes.
The men packed up the tents.
When someone finished their own share, they helped others, those who were struggling.
Sasaki was among them.
"Sorry, I'm not used to this kind of thing."
"Don't worry about it, you'll get used to it eventually."
We removed the poles, packed them up, and folded the sheets.
"But, not to be rude, it's surprising that Kiritani-san is taking the initiative to do this."
"I suppose so."
I didn't even know why I was doing this myself.
No, actually, I did know.
Because I wanted to regain everyone's trust as quickly as possible.
We loaded the packed camping gear into the cars.
Once everyone was finished with their work, we gathered.
"Good work, everyone. We'll disperse here, but as usual, I'm thinking we should stop by a public bath and have lunch at a family restaurant. Only those who want to come need to."
Watanabe-kun said, and I looked at Ai's face.
"Isn't that fine? I'm sticky all over too."
We decided to join them at the public bath as well.
Arriving at the public bath, we took off our clothes, took a waterfall bath to wash our bodies, and went to the sauna.
Everyone was soaking in the bath, relaxing.
I thought quietly by myself.
Then Sasaki came in.
Sasaki talked to me about various things.
However, various anxieties crossed my mind and wouldn't sink in.
Anxiety about employment. Will I be able to adapt well?
Anxiety about home. Will I make Ai angry again?
Anxiety about life. How should I make amends to everyone?
"...Even Kiritani-san has things to worry about, I see."
Sasaki-kun said.
"Is there something wrong with that?"
"No, excuse me for saying so, but it's very surprising... If you'd like, I can at least be someone for you to talk to? There's no point in worrying all by yourself, is there?"
"That might be true..."
I told Sasaki what I was thinking about just now.
Sasaki listened seriously.
"...I see. You are frightened of the future."
Frightened...
Sasaki concisely summarized what I was thinking.
"Interesting, anxiety about the future. I think it's something everyone experiences."
Sasaki said. And then he continued.
"I don't think feeling anxious is a bad thing, though. Without anxiety, humans don't grow."
"I have no next time. Do you understand the feelings of a person standing on the edge of a cliff?"
"I've never fallen into such a situation, so I can't understand that. I don't know what kind of pitch-black world you are wandering in... but."
"But?"
"Being in such a shadow is proof that there is light nearby."
There is light?
"In the near future, a day will surely come when you can think, 'Thanks to that time...' You know? God only makes walls that can be overcome. The fact that the wall is big means that you are that big."
A wall that can be overcome, huh.
Gathering the scattered dots and connecting them with a straight line.
Coloring the darkness, swimming across the sea, becoming the wind, and forming the earth.
Crossing the limited, unique eternity, I will run through at the shortest distance.
"Toward where the light shines... huh."
I muttered.
"It seems you've seen the correct answer."
Sasaki said so and smiled.
"Well, I'm off. See you~"
Sasaki left the sauna.
I guess I'm about at my limit too.
Leaving the sauna, I washed off my sweat and soaked in the bath.
Somehow, I kept my distance from everyone's group.
"What's wrong, Eita? Don't stay in the corner like that, come over here!"
Makoto called out to me.
What's going on?
When I went near everyone, Toya said.
"I heard from Kimoto-senpai and the others, didn't Kiritani-kun find a job? We decided to have a small celebration at the family restaurant."
Toya said.
I hesitated.
"Since it's a family restaurant, there's no alcohol, so it's fine, right? You didn't look like you were having any fun at all. Let loose a little."
Makoto said.
"Eita, that's not like you! Where is your usual energy?"
Watanabe-kun said.
I received words of encouragement from everyone.
But... there is no next time. When I think of that, I'm scared.
Then Toya said.
"Kiritani-kun is blaming himself so much that he is completely denying himself. Both his good points and his bad points. It is true that Kiritani-kun was the one who pushed Ai-san that far. But the one who forgave Kiritani-kun was also Ai-san."
I'm not quick-witted like Toya. I can't understand the meaning of what Toya is saying.
"You know? They say it's darkest before the dawn. ...The night will break soon."
The tunnel will also end eventually... huh.
"Time does not allow Kiritani-kun to stand still."
Even if it was night. I should just wish for them to love this me more.
"...Once I get a job, everyone better sign a medicine box contract with me!" (T/N: "medicine box contract" refers to the traditional Japanese placement-marketing system of household medicine boxes, "okiyaku".)
"...Are you planning to extort your own circle?!"
Watanabe-kun said so and laughed.
Using the propeller attached to my heart, crossing space-time toward where the light shines.
（３）
"Honestly, that idiot..."
On and on, grumbling forever...
"Did we go a bit too hard on him?"
Kanna said.
"If we didn't go that far, he wouldn't have understood, so wasn't it just right?"
Mika said.
"But with this, the source of worry for the women of the Watanabe group is gone, isn't it?"
Honoka said.
"That's right."
Kana said.
"I hope so~"
Sakura said.
"Isn't this just the beginning? We have new members, and some have only just started cohabiting, so we don't know what might happen from here on."
Satomi-san said.
"Speaking of cohabiting, how about Misato? Nothing's going on?"
"Yes, nothing in particular. He's serious, after all."
"Those guys who act all serious are the most dangerous, you know? Once they start rolling, they fall all the way down."
"Kanna is right. There's no telling what they're doing in secret!"
Kanna and Mika threatened Misato.
"Shouldn't we get out soon? I'm going to get flushed."
When Airi said so, everyone filed out.
"Wait! Was it Hitomi? Come here for a second!"
"Yes. What is it?"
Kanna looked at Hitomi and then got depressed.
"Everyone, get out quickly. Kanna, don't mope around and come out quickly too."
Saying so, I also got out.
"Is my standing not going to change..."
Leaving Kanna behind as she muttered that.
After leaving the public bath, we celebrated Eita's employment at a family restaurant where pasta and pizza are the main dishes.
I don't know what happened in the public bath, but Eita had regained his energy.
Though he might just be acting bright.
But even just acting was fine.
Because he had been quiet all this time recently.
He was quiet during the camp too.
Was he really that shocked?
Was it something to blame him that much for?
What I wanted wasn't something like that.
I wanted him to recognize that I was inside Eita.
He recognized it, but showed a reaction of rejection.
I wanted him to accept me.
Even though that was all.
Even now, he seems to be rejecting me.
Am I overthinking?
I hope so.
Eita was about to disappear from within me.
Because I thought that would be easier.
As long as I hated him, it was still fine.
Once I didn't even recognize him, it could never be repaired.
Within me, Eita was flickering.
But now, he is properly lit up again.
That makes me happy.
How should I let Eita know that?
While spending my days thinking about such things, and having camped, I am now looking at Eita who is frolicking next to me.
"As expected, Eita has to be like this!"
Tada-kun said.
"Hey, Ai-san."
Sasaki-kun, who was sitting opposite, spoke to me.
"Why did you decide to accept Kiritani-san again? I'm very interested. What is the bond that connects you two?"
I answered Sasaki-kun's question.
"Determination."
"Determination?"
Sasaki-kun asked back.
"The determination to forgive no matter how much we fight, no matter how much we hurt each other."
Even if I wander to the end and am exhausted, I want to cool my fever next to you.
As long as life continues, until I show my true heart, I will not sleep.
Rejoicing in joy together, grieving in grief together.
Living to the limit of life, let's dream while awake.
Let's make it echo forever, even to the end of this world.
"It's quite a deep world, isn't it? But does it have to be Kiritani-san?"
"Yes."
I replied instantly to Sasaki-kun's question.
Because that world is a world created with Eita.
We walk together within that world.
Playing the sound of the beginning of the wind.
Without giving up on living, we move forward.
"Is that really so?"
Sasaki-kun chuckled.
Sasaki-kun was looking at Eita.
"But Eita, are you really going to be okay? Even though it's route sales, there's also new customer acquisition, right?"
"I heard the quota is strict, so the turnover rate is also intense."
Hiyama-senpai and Kimoto-senpai were asking Eita.
"It'll be fine! I mean, even if it's new acquisition, it's just dealing with old bags who spend their days spacing out, right?"
It was the moment the temperature of the men dropped.
The movements of the women stopped completely.
Katagiri-kun, Watanabe-kun, and Tada-kun, realizing it was bad, tried to stop Eita.
But this idiot didn't understand the meaning of what he was saying at all.
"I've endured my wife's nagging and noisiness, I've got nothing to fear!"
Katagiri-kun and the others held their heads.
"Old bags who spend their days spacing out... did you say?"
Emi reacted.
"Ah, yeah! It's just dealing with old bags who do nothing but watch TV, eat snacks, and roll around!"
"Old bags, you say...?"
"Do nothing but watch TV, eat snacks, and roll around?"
It seemed he had also lit the fuses of Akira, Kana, Sakura, and Airi.
But this idiot didn't seem satisfied with just that.
"Dealing with women is just listening to their complaints and letting it slide with a casual 'Ah, is that so?'"
He completely turned all the women into enemies.
The men despaired.
"S-Should we go get refills for the juice? Naru."
"Hitomi, I'll get some juice for you too, your cup is empty, isn't it? What would you like?"
But it seemed that even for high school girls, his words and actions were unacceptable.
"So Kosei also thinks it's fine to just casually let things slide?"
"This might be a good opportunity to hear what Kazu-kun thinks."
Naru and Hitomi did not let it slide either.
"Huh? W-What's wrong? Isn't everyone acting strange?"
Everyone was silent.
Among them, one person opened his mouth.
"L-Let me speak on behalf of everyone. What Kiritani-san said just now is merely his own fixed concept. It is far removed from general thinking."
Sasaki-kun, asserting that we are not to blame.
"That doesn't matter! All of you, why don't you let us hear what you have to say?!"
When Mika said so, the women began to lecture their respective partners.
The men desperately made excuses.
But what was it? Strangely, anger did not well up inside me.
Yes, he has finally returned, this idiot.
Welcome back.
（４）
I did it.
I got carried away and let my mouth slip.
While the women were angry, Ai didn't say anything.
And even now, she still won't speak to me.
She is looking out the window, turning away.
The lecturing lasted for several hours, and by the time we returned home, it was dark.
When we got home, I packed up the camping gear.
"Ai, I'll go buy bento. You're tired today, right? What would you like?"
"...The usual."
"Understood."
I went to the bento shop, bought the bento, and returned home.
Then, there was a nice smell.
Miso soup.
"Knowing you, I figured your mind wouldn't get as far as miso soup. I can make miso soup quickly."
"Th-Thank you."
After that, the two of us ate the bento.
"I'll do the cleanup."
Saying so, I cleaned up, took a bath, and drank beer.
"Do you want to drink too, Ai?"
"I have the late-night shift today. If I drink now, I'll get arrested."
"Ah, right. Sorry."
"I'm tired, so I'll sleep for a bit."
Saying so, Ai got into bed.
I was watching TV.
I woke Ai up before it was time for her to go to work.
"Were you still awake?"
"Well, for me, it's as good as playing around during the day, so..."
"If you don't fix your lifestyle rhythm soon, it'll be tough once you start working, you know?"
Ai said so, changed, and began to prepare.
And she was about to leave.
"Ai! I'm sorry! I did it again! Because I'm an idiot..."
I make the same mistake over and over.
"You understand that well, don't you?"
Ai said.
"No matter how many times I tell you, you don't fix it at all. As soon as you get carried away, you're like that."
Is it really over this time...
"...But, I also learned that you can change. Even you can do it if you try."
Something is strange.
"You stayed up to see me off, didn't you? Thank you. I'm off. Don't stay up too late."
"...Take care."
Ai left the house.
After watching Ai's car leave through the window, I turned off the lights and went to sleep.
The strength to change, the unchanging feelings.
What I finally grasped at the end of a long journey.
I will never let go of it again.
（５）
"Mmm..."
Airi was groaning.
We had dinner at a family restaurant.
A family restaurant where pasta and pizza are the main dishes.
It didn't seem like she was worrying over the menu.
Because we had already ordered long ago.
For the first time in a while, Airi was worrying.
The cause was probably Kiritani-kun's fault.
On this day, the men resented Kiritani-kun.
In particular, Kimoto-san and Hiyama-senpai apparently had a hard time.
I'm probably caught up in a terrible situation too.
How did those two humor their partners?
Then Airi suddenly spoke to me.
"What do you think, Toya-san?"
"That's not true, Airi is doing the housework firmly. More than anything, I'm the one telling Airi to rest! I'm not thinking that kind of thing at all!"
I defended myself with all my might.
But Airi didn't seem to understand well.
"Eh? What are you talking about?"
"Heh?"
I was taken aback.
Looking at me like that, Airi giggled.
"Could it be, you thought I was thinking about Kiritani-kun?"
"Is it different?"
"Well, if you say it's about Kiritani-kun, it is, but it's a bit different."
Apparently, I escaped the disaster.
"Toya-san, you care for me, so there's no way you would think such a thing. I believe in you."
"Thank you. But then, what are you worrying about?"
"Because Ai was mysterious."
"Ai-san?"
"The one who should have been angry first was Ai, but for some reason, Ai-san was looking at Kiritani-san with a smile."
I didn't notice.
"The usual Toya-san would have noticed immediately, so you must have been quite flustered. Do I have that little trust?"
"S-Sorry."
"It's fine. More than that, what do you think? Ai's actions."
While cutting the pizza that arrived first, I thought.
"Let's see... isn't it the same as Airi?"
"With me?"
"Surely she felt like forgiving Kiritani-kun, didn't she? I think Ai-san noticed something."
"What would that be?"
"That might be something only she herself knows. Just..."
"Just?"
"The strength to change, the unchanging feelings. Didn't the two of them obtain that?"
Kiritani-kun finally noticed the feelings he must not forget. And he obtained the strength to try to change. The one who felt that more than anyone was Ai-san.
That's why Ai-san herself also noticed those feelings.
The flickering destiny that was fading was lit up strongly once again.
It probably won't fade anymore.
Until the final day.