Chapter 107 - Am I There?
(1)
"Ehh—you're not going anywhere to play this year!?"
Airi says loudly.
"I have mock exams, so it can't be helped, right?"
I mean, normally wouldn't Airi be the one stopping me?
"It's just a mock exam, right? It's not the real thing. It doesn't matter~"
Airi throws a tantrum.
It's true that I might not need to take all of them, but...
Is there any way to soothe Airi?
"It's the last summer of high school! Let's make more memories! You said it, Toya-kun, right? That you 'wanted to carve memories with me.'"
Is studying not okay?
It's probably not okay.
Hmm... I can't go out to play...
I don't really want to use it, but it's the last resort.
"Then, we'll do a training camp together during summer vacation! ...Wait, that's probably no good."
Hahaha... no matter how you look at it, my parents wouldn't allow it.
While I was laughing, Airi had already left the room.
She's not angry, right?
"Maya-saaan..."
Airi is fast when it comes to things like this.
...The plans for this summer have been decided.
(2)
During the day, the three of us study, including Kanna.
When evening comes, Kanna goes to her part-time job.
Apparently, Kanna continues studying even after returning from work.
The first thing I do in the morning is ask Airi about the things I didn't understand from the previous night.
Airi explains with overflowing linguistic ability.
She's really bad at it. Teaching.
As for our nights, of course, we are studying.
However, since that night, I can't help but be conscious of it.
It seems Airi is the same, as she studies in silence.
When I occasionally speak to her, she jumps and asks, "W-what is it?" with a forced smile.
When it becomes bedtime, we sleep in the same bed.
We are both nervous.
Even though it's not just a matter of yesterday or today.
Even though it's something we've experienced many times already.
"Airi-chan, please put your change of clothes in the washing machine~"
"Yes~ thank you very much."
Isn't this conversation kind of strange?
Am I overthinking it?
"Hmm? Did I say something wrong? I..."
"Normally wouldn't you be embarrassed? By that kind of thing."
"Hmm, ...you're right!"
Oh, she's unusually honest today.
"Maya-saan, may I use the washing machine? I'll do all the laundry~"
So, she wasn't actually honest.
"Because it's a pain to go back and forth every time. Besides, I'm marrying into the Katagiri house, right? As part of my bride training..."
I don't know where to start poking holes in this.
I feel like Airi's bride training takes up more time than the actual studying.
Cooking, laundry, even cleaning my room.
At this rate, I'm like some lazy husband.
Should I help out a bit?
Maybe I should at least help with the cleaning?
When I think that and try to help, I'm rejected with, "Toya-kun's job is to work hard at studying~"
Then, at least let me do the dishes... wait, does my mother intend to do nothing!?
"Toya-kun, go ahead and take a bath first... ah!"
An "ah!" at a time like this is never a good thing.
"Want to go in together~?"
Don't say things like that in front of your parents.
"It's better that way because it takes less time, right?"
"After letting you hear those voices, we're not in a relationship where we'd be embarrassed now, are we?"
It seems Airi's voice from that night reached as far as the parents' bedroom.
Mother, why aren't you stopping her!?
"That's right~ it's too late for that now~♪"
A life where I became unsure as to whether my values were wrong continued throughout the summer vacation.
(3)
"Airi, how has it been since then?"
Kanna asked.
By "since then," she probably means that night, right?
"I-it's nothing in particular."
Though there was a lot.
Since that night, Toya-kun became gentle again.
Especially during the night hours.
I began to feel love, which I hadn't felt until then.
So I also poured as much love as I could into Toya-kun.
Our mutual affection became entwined, and we obtained new pleasure.
I am in Toya-kun's world.
Toya-kun is in my world.
Until now, I was just accepting it.
But just as Kanna said, by entering Toya-kun's world, we could share each other's feelings, and knowing that I properly exist in Toya-kun's world made me happy just by that.
I did everything I could for such a Toya-kun.
I became larger in Toya-kun's world.
So this is how good it felt.
"Hey, come back."
Told by Kanna, I was called back to reality.
"Keep the remembering for when you're alone. You're acting suspicious."
Kanna says and laughs.
By the way, Toya-kun is immersed in his own world, studying.
I wonder if Kanna always does it with those kinds of feelings?
"How about you, Kanna?"
I asked Kanna.
"Eh, me... I wonder? I don't know if I'm able to immerse myself in the feelings Airi felt."
"Is that so?"
"It feels like I'm just doing whatever Makoto tells me to do. I feel like as long as Makoto is happy, it's fine. Ah, it's not that Makoto is bad at it or anything."
"?"
"...I don't feel it."
"Eh?"
"Makoto does it for his own pleasure, and to give me pleasure. The difference... do you understand?"
I shook my head.
"Both Makoto and I are bewildered. Like, is there love there?... Am I just being used by Makoto?..."
"That's not it~ Makoto-kun and Kanna are lovey-dovey too~"
"It means I haven't reached the state where I can believe that. Unlike Airi, I can't enter Makoto's world. Maybe I'm afraid to enter. Like, what would happen if I wasn't there?"
That was exactly like the old me.
This is a story from before things progressed.
During Christmas of second year of middle school, I had completely denied it.
The one inside Toya-kun is Kanna!
He doesn't think about me in the slightest.
"A-it's probably a bit different from what Airi is thinking. In Makoto's case, his perversion is too severe, so there are times I feel, am I Makoto's toy? In that sense, I suppose I am inside Makoto."
"Hmm..."
Since I don't know Makoto-kun's sexual preferences, I can't say anything.
"...Why not try asking Makoto-kun? Try appealing to him?"
"?"
"Kanna gave me this advice: 'Assert that I am here!' Now it's Kanna's turn to work hard. I'm sure it will reach Makoto-kun."
"I'm always the one being made to do it... the things I told Airi."
"Putting your feelings into it is important. Sensing Makoto-kun's feelings is important. I was scared when I entered Toya-kun's heart too. But once I entered, it became very easy. 'Ah, I'm properly here'... Kanna, try taking a leap of faith too."
I can't put it well.
Compared to the two of them, ours might still be something childish. But our feelings reached each other.
So... have courage, Kanna.
"I'll try as much as I can, thanks, Airi."
"No, unlike Kanna, I can't give concrete advice."
"I can, though?"
"Eh?"
Kanna whispers in my ear.
My face turned red again.
"I-I can't say things like that!"
"It's fine, as occasional girl talk. Toya is immersed as usual."
Kanna says that and looks toward Toya-kun.
Despite all this commotion, he doesn't notice at all.
I really want him to direct that world toward me.
No, he did direct it toward me...
My body feels hot again.
"T-then, just a little... in exchange, Kanna, let me hear about things with Makoto-kun too."
"Ugh, you're going that route... alright. Then, Airi first."
"Yeah... you see..."
I told her exactly what happened that night.
Kanna's face also turns red.
"Heh, that Toya, huh."
Kanna says, looking at Toya-kun who is immersed in studying as always.
"It's a promise, Kanna, let me hear too."
Kanna is a bit hesitant.
"I'll tell you first, it's probably nothing good compared to yours and Airi's. Alright, I'll talk..."
Listening to Kanna's story, I feel like I'm becoming flushed with excitement.
They were doing that!?
I'm glad Toya-kun is my partner.
I feel bad for Makoto-kun, but... it's a bit too much for me.
"Right? He's just a pervert, isn't he?"
I nodded silently.
That was the only way I could respond.
Kanna would naturally hesitate with that, right?
"As I thought... you should tell him..."
"I guess so..."
It was just as Kanna said that.
"It's 3 PM!!"
Toya-kun suddenly returned.
"W-what happened!?"
"What? What is there at 3 PM!"
Kanna and I say simultaneously.
"Snack time!!"
Saying that, Toya-kun leaps out of the room.
"...Where in that is the Toya you're talking about?"
"Uuu... he's not like that when it's just the two of us."
That was the best follow-up I could manage.
Toya-kun returns with a large amount of sweets and juice for three people.
"So, what were you two talking about so seriously?"
"!? Were you listening!"
"No, I felt like you were talking about something, but I couldn't hear well. Was it something I shouldn't hear?"
"It's a secret from Toya-kun!"
"It has nothing to do with Toya!"
When the two of us answer instantly, Toya-kun, while stuffing sweets into his mouth,
"Then, I won't ask. More importantly, are you two making progress on your homework? You have to solve the past questions for the mock exams too, right? Let's get it over with quickly."
I'm happy he's considerate.
But wouldn't it be okay if he cared a little bit?
You said it before, right?
That you'd look into my eyes and think of me.
What kind of eyes do I have right now?
I'm thinking of you with all my might, you know?
I wonder if it's getting through?
Then, my eyes met Toya-kun's.
"Airi... did you want to eat this?"
It seems more time is needed before we can achieve telepathy.
(4)
I wonder if she's gone home by now?
I make a call to Kanna's smartphone.
"Hello?"
Kanna answered.
But somehow, the feeling is different from usual.
Did something happen?
"What's wrong?"
"What do you mean?"
"No, it's just that Kanna's manner is different from usual..."
"T-that's not true."
"If you say so."
"...As if it would be."
"Eh?"
"I said, as if it would be fine!"
"Did something happen?"
"No... Airi, you see..."
I hear the story from Kanna.
"Does that mean she leaked the exchanges between me and you to Tosaka-san?"
"Well, yeah... sorry."
"You say sorry, but you..."
Based on the way you're talking, I'm just a pervert.
But if that's the case, you'd either be angry or laughing, right?
Why do you sound so lonely?
"Kanna, let's have no more secrets for now. Why do you sound so lonely?"
"...Did you feel it that way?"
"I don't intend to be as dense as Toya."
"That's true... actually, I heard the story from Airi too."
Then I was told about the exchanges between Tosaka-san and Toya.
Heh, Toya can do it if he tries.
That guy decides for himself that he's an inferior student, but I think he's a fine honor student who can do anything if he tries.
I don't think anyone would imagine he'd apply his soccer feats to that area, though.
No one thinks of you as someone who can't do it.
That's something you should be proud of.
"So, does that mean you ended up comparing me with Toya?"
"It's not a conversation about who is more amazing or anything. Please don't misunderstand. I just became anxious..."
"Why?"
"What do you think of me?"
Another sudden question.
Asking such a question is just a foolish question, right?
"I love you. More than anyone else in the world."
"Can I interpret that as you accepting all of me? Can you swear that your goal isn't my body?"
I was shocked.
Was I seen as such a shallow man?
I was shocked.
Am I not trusted that much?
What I can do now.
How can I stop Kanna's tears?
"Kanna, I'm leaving the dorm after the Inter-High... I think I'll still do basic training, but I think I can make some time after school."
"?"
"Then, let's flirt as much as we can so we don't lose to Toya and the others. Of course, I won't do anything that interferes with Kanna's life."
"I told you before. That if I become a burden, we'll break up..."
"I also hate doing things that make Kanna suffer. But sorry, that's about all I can think of that I can do right now."
"I didn't ask the question because I wanted to hear that kind of answer."
"I told you before, right? I can't imitate Toya. But I intend to love Kanna as much as I can in my own way... I love you."
"That one phrase is all I needed."
"One phrase might not be enough to convey it; in fact, the reason Kanna is consulting like this is because you don't trust me, right?"
"Am I allowed to be there? Is it okay to intrude upon Makoto's world?"
"Of course it's okay."
I answered instantly.
"I understand. I'll believe you."
"I'll be careful too, I'll cherish Kanna more."
"Please do so to an extent that soccer doesn't be neglected."
Soccer is important, but Kanna is just as important.
I want to meet and hug her right now.
Please, just wait a little longer.
Since it was said that the local university would be attended, I think we'll spend time apart again.
I think we'll live apart even after graduating from university.
But I'll kick away the absurdities in front of us.
Stop swallowing everything without being able to say it all as it is.
It's okay, we can live limitlessly.
"Shall we try imitating Tosaka-san's method?"
I proposed.
"?"
Kanna doesn't seem to understand.
"If Kanna becomes anxious, I'll tell you not 10, but 100 or even 1000 times, 'I love you.'"
"Thank you. But I can't count to 1000."
I heard laughter from Kanna.
It seems she's recovered.
"It seems you're okay now."
"Yeah, I'm okay now. Sorry for making you worry about various things."
"Depend on me in your own way, Kanna. Am I that unreliable?"
"I didn't mean that, but I became anxious. Like, do you only think of me as a friends-with-benefits partner?"
"There's no way. Please trust me more. ...Well, I did go too far in some places..."
It's exactly as they say, courtesy even among intimates.
But, I'm a man. There's such a thing as romance, right?
Some great person said it.
Is there romance there?
"I'll try to make an effort so I can depend on you too. Thank you. It's already late, right? Shouldn't we get some sleep?"
"Don't you think doing it over the phone occasionally is also an option?"
"...You're at it again, right after I said that."
"Just kidding, forget that last part."
"Well, see you tomorrow."
"Yeah. See you tomorrow."
Next month is Kanna's birthday...
When I return from the Inter-High, I'll have to do something to celebrate.