Chapter 108 - Fragile
(1)
"Phew..."
Mizuta-sensei let out a sigh.
"Um... is it difficult? With my child's academic ability..."
Mother was asking the teacher with a worried look.
"No, that's fine. The mock exam results are good. There shouldn't be any problem."
"I see."
Mother breathed a sigh of relief.
"However, in Katagiri-kun's case, there is the option of aiming one rank higher. Katagiri, is there anything you want to do at university?"
The teacher asked me.
"Nothing in particular. I think I'll just go to university and then get a job."
"As for getting a job, is there any work you want to do?"
"I haven't decided on anything specifically. I'll choose a profession that I can get into after going to university."
"That's exactly it, the thing you're lacking. Can't you think of a path that looks further into the future?"
"You were the one who told me to live for this moment rather than the future, sensei."
"I don't mind you enjoying university life. But it's better to have your path properly decided. Because it leads to what you want to do in the future. Is the faculty of economics really okay for that?"
"It still doesn't quite click for me. Even when you put it that way."
"Don't choose the easy path. There are things that only reward those who face things head-on without running away. You could take the exams for another university in the late term just for the memory. Besides, university isn't the only path."
"I'm sorry, Airi's future is also on the line..."
"What do you mean by that?"
Ah, damn. It slipped out.
Well, with this teacher, it might be okay to talk about it.
I told the teacher about Airi.
"...I see, so that's why you're aiming for the safe zone... However, in that case, wouldn't it be better to take a path in soccer?"
"That's the last resort. Airi wants a campus life with me."
"I see... but to think the last resort is soccer. Those are words only Katagiri could say."
Right?
"Alright. Then, you have no intention of applying to a private university?"
"I don't."
The safest measure would probably be a soccer recommendation to a private university.
But if I play soccer, it will make Airi anxious.
Playing at the local university just for fun is probably best.
"Alright, then it's decided. You're good to go."
Mother thanked him and left first.
Just as I was about to leave after her.
"Katagiri. Actually, if it were a sports entrance exam for a private university, you'd pass 100%..."
"Like I said before, I'm not considering advancing through soccer."
Though playing with Makoto does sound a bit fun.
"I understand. Sorry. There are just things I have to say as a teacher."
"I know. Thank you very much."
Saying that, I left the room.
(2)
"Haa..."
I could only let out a sigh.
Why am I, from Humanities II, in charge of this child who always maintains the top spot in the grade?
The pressure from other teachers is also immense.
This child could easily clear a difficult university.
However, from the story I heard from Katagiri, I could imagine the answer.
"I want to be at the same school as Toya-kun♪"
"...I think Katagiri could aim for a university one rank higher, so how about that?"
"I respect Toya-kun's wishes. If Toya-kun says the local university is best, then it's the local university."
"You're talking only about Katagiri, but is there anything Tosaka yourself wants to become?"
"There is♪"
Oh, this child is thinking about her path in her own way.
"In that case, if you head toward that path, even if you're apart for about four years, you two..."
I was a fool to expect anything.
I was speechless at the words that came out of this child.
"Since I'm Toya-kun's bride, any university is fine. In that case, the same university is best♪"
"...What does your mother think?"
The apple doesn't fall far from the tree was exactly the case here.
"I think I'll let my daughter do as she pleases~. Since it's been her dream since middle school~"
"...Your daughter says that if Katagiri fails the entrance exam, she will also become a ronin (T/N: a student who studies for another year to retake exams), what are your thoughts on that?"
"Let's see~. She's probably the type who won't listen once she's decided. Once she found out Toya-kun wasn't taking the private university exams, she didn't take them either~"
"...Tosaka. Have you never considered that your words are putting pressure on Katagiri?"
"U-uu... But Toya-kun will pass, right?"
"There are cases where people get nervous and make mistakes during the actual exam. Isn't it also important to reassure him that you'll be together even if you're apart?"
"I don't want that!"
Tosaka shouted loudly.
"We promised to be together forever. I can't imagine being apart for four whole years!"
"You have smartphones and other means of communication now, right?"
"But you can't embrace through a smartphone."
Those are not words to say in front of a teacher, Tosaka.
"This child is capable~. That's why I've let her do what she wants~. While carrying everyone's expectations on her shoulders, she's also properly fulfilled her duties as a student~. That's why I want to grant my daughter's delicate dream~"
"I'm worried that's putting a burden on Katagiri-kun. That you might not be letting him do what he truly wants..."
"I am properly respecting Toya-kun's wishes. I'm just following after Toya-kun. If Toya-kun says he wants to go to Kyushu University, I'll do that."
"No, it seems Katagiri doesn't think so. He seems to think he can't let Tosaka become a ronin..."
"Uuu..."
"Wouldn't it be better for you two to talk properly? Tosaka."
"...I don't want to because we fight when I talk about the future with Toya-kun... but I understand."
She seemed convinced.
"So I just have to persuade Toya-kun to go to Kyushu University!"
Ah, no. That's not it.
"I'm not telling you to tell him to go to Kyushu University. I'm telling you to broaden the range of his options."
"...Does that mean, even if we're separated?"
...This isn't something a teacher should say, but.
"There's also the option of you giving up on university and following him, right?"
"Ah~ I see. We're getting married!"
"...That might be an option too."
"Then, I have to prepare. Rie-chan, we have to get a wedding dress and things~"
"Airi-chan, wouldn't it be better to wait for Toya-kun's answer first?"
Why is it that my head starts to ache when I talk to these two?
"Then, for now, we'll set your path as the faculty of economics at the local university, but make sure you talk properly with Katagiri."
"Yes~... but."
"?"
"It's strange for me to be the one proposing, right?"
Her grades are good, but she's like a dummy child.
(3)
"Otonashi-san's grades have been improving lately. The mock exams aren't bad either; if you maintain this pace, the local university should be fine."
"Is that so, thank goodness."
When Mizuta-sensei said that, Mother breathed a sigh of relief.
"Otonashi, do you also intend not to apply to a private university?"
"Yes, I don't have that kind of leeway. If I fail, I intend to get a job."
"There are scholarship systems too."
"I'm not that obsessed with university."
Only, since those two are going, I'm going.
That's all it is.
"Otonashi, do you have a dream for the future?"
Now that you mention it, I've never thought about it.
"Nothing in particular, though it's cliché. Maybe just being a bride?"
That really is cliché.
"Otonashi's boyfriend is going to advance through soccer, right?"
"That's right."
"Otonashi, are you okay with being separated from your boyfriend?"
"...We're already separated even now. It won't change."
"Could you teach that feeling to Tosaka as well?"
Why is Airi's name coming up?
"Sensei also agrees with Otonashi's opinion; no matter how far apart you are, your hearts are together. It doesn't change. But Tosaka seems to be feeling anxious. Could you give her some advice too?"
Those two are a lost cause.
"Sensei, those two are no good. They've been together this whole time. If they're suddenly separated, one of them won't be able to bear it."
"I don't think so. Those two... they're already beyond that level, aren't they?"
"But they look strong and are terribly fragile. Besides, Airi is strong-willed despite how she looks. Once she says something, she won't listen."
"I see..."
The teacher held his head in his hands.
"So, will my daughter be able to go to university? How much money will it take to go...?"
"With Otonashi-san's family circumstances, you should be able to go for free. There's no need to worry."
"Is that so?"
"I'll earn the tuition myself."
"Then there's no meaning in going to school, right?"
"...I intend to find a better-paying part-time job after graduating high school."
"Mother will manage the tuition somehow."
Mother, you'll die if you work any more than that.
"I'll balance it with my studies, so it's fine. I did it in high school, right?"
"That's true, but."
The teacher interrupted.
"Otonashi, depend on your parents for now. You can pay them back after you graduate from university."
That's obvious, but...
"University is even tougher, so keep your part-time job in moderation. It'll be no joke if you spend all your time working and fail your credits."
I know that too.
"Well, just the fact that Otonashi felt like going to university is a good thing. If you keep this pace, you'll pass, so stay focused."
Saying that, the teacher said "Thank you very much," and we left the room.
(4)
"Hmm."
I was troubled.
Toya-kun could aim for a university one rank higher.
That is joyful information for me as well.
But that also comes with risk.
Toya-kun, who surely wants to pass in his first attempt for my sake, wouldn't take such a risk.
The best thing would be for him to go to a private university, and for me to apply there.
But I can't force soccer on him when he hates it.
We'll just end up fighting again.
I don't want that.
"I'll wait for you for about a year,"
should I say that?
But would Toya-kun feel it as a burden?
Am I becoming a burden again?
Even if I don't intend to, Toya-kun ends up thinking so.
While I was thinking and spinning my pen, I heard voices.
"It looks like Kiritani-kun is going to a private university. Everyone else is going to the local university."
"I'm glad too. I finally got the seal of approval from Mizuta-sensei."
I see, Kanna is also applying to the local university.
Kiritani-kun is going to a private university, but those two will be fine, right?
I wonder if we can all spend time together even at university?
Though Eguchi-san seems to be in a different faculty.
"Airi? What's wrong? You're unusually lost in thought."
I snapped out of it when Kanna spoke.
"Airi. Were you told to apply to a difficult university again?"
I was, but I wasn't forced.
More than that...
Will I fight with Toya-kun again?
But he'll understand now, right?
...I'm a little anxious.
But I want to try believing.
Now is different from that time.
"Kanna, sorry. Could we end today's study session here? There's something I want to talk about slowly with Toya-kun..."
"About your future path?"
Kanna's intuition is sharp.
"Yeah, a little bit..."
"Then I'll listen too, because you two will definitely fight."
I thought she'd say that.
"Kanna. I think the current Toya-kun will understand. I want to try believing in Toya-kun too. Kanna, believe in us too."
When I said that, Kanna said "Alright. Then, you two talk slowly," and left the room.
As Kanna left the room, Toya-kun followed after her.
Why are you following her?
"It looks like the talk will take a while, so I'll go get some tea," Toya-kun said and left the room.
When Toya-kun returned to the room, he brought a large amount of sweets and tea.
I had tidied up the notebooks and things that were on the table.
"So, what's the talk about?"
Toya-kun started the conversation while eating sweets.
"Mizuta-sensei told me. 'Aren't you narrowing Toya-kun's path? Aren't you becoming a burden?'"
Toya-kun stopped eating the sweets and listened intently to the story.
"That my words, 'If Toya-kun fails, I'll also become a ronin,' that one sentence is limiting Toya-kun's future."
Toya-kun listened to my story without saying anything.
"I'm so anxious I can't help it. Am I becoming a burden again? I don't intend to. If Toya-kun wants to play soccer, it's possible for me to follow him as Toya-kun's bride."
Oh no, I feel like I'm going to cry again.
"What does Toya-kun want to do in the future? I'll match that..."
Finally, Toya-kun opened his mouth.
"I told you before, right? That I'll spend my campus life with Airi. Right now, I'm giving my all to that."
"But, are you thinking about what comes after? Is there no profession you want to be?"
"I'm not thinking about anything in particular. I'll think about it after I enter university. More than that, I have to think about passing the university exam, right?"
I wonder if it was like this when Toya-kun got angry before?
My existence is crushing Toya-kun's dreams.
I'm narrowing Toya-kun's options.
Furthermore, I put pressure on Toya-kun.
At that time, I wasn't thinking about anything.
But inside Toya-kun, it's become a great burden.
Then, should I disappear from before Toya-kun?
...I hate that!
I wonder why?
Tears are coming out.
What would Toya-kun do at a time like this?
Toya-kun says nothing.
Am I a burden?
But please, don't hate me.
That's it, let's enter Toya-kun's world.
Let's try to get into Toya-kun's feelings.
Am I being seen as a nuisance?
"Airi?"
It's scary.
But I also hate continuing to force only my ego.
I want to know Toya-kun's true feelings.
I know he doesn't want to play soccer.
But is there nothing he wants to do?
My husband?
But you can't eat with just that, right?
Should I work together too?
...Now is not the time to be thinking about such things.
I want to know his current feelings.
I want to know his current true feelings.
How can I know?
"Please don't hate me..."
I desperately wanted Toya-kun to hold me.
And I wanted one word.
"There's no way I could ever hate you."
Yes, that one word... wait, eh?
Before I realized it, I was clinging to Toya-kun.
I was clinging and burying my face in Toya-kun's chest, crying.
Does he think I'm a heavy woman?
If I look into his eyes, I can understand his feelings.
That's right, let's look at Toya-kun's face.
I timidly looked up.
Toya-kun's face looked like an infinitely gentle expression.
And he was holding me gently.
"My current feelings... can you tell?"
I'm sorry, I can't.
I'm afraid to know.
The eyes of my heart are still closed.
I don't even know what I want to say.
Just please don't hate me.
My eyes were simply pleading for that.
I shook my head.
Like a small child throwing a tantrum.
It's annoying, right, a selfish girl like this.
But please don't hate me.
"Airi, it's okay."
Even though I said nothing, my feelings are reaching Toya-kun.
Is Toya-kun entering my mind?
Is Toya-kun accepting me?
He said he had a tiny capacity.
That's not true.
Because you're accepting such a huge burden.
I understand.
I will also accept Toya-kun.
I've made up my mind.
I'll accept any feeling.
Even if it's something cruel.
I braced myself and looked into Toya-kun's eyes.
As expected, he had a gentle face.
Almost as if he were soothing a small child.
Why are you so gentle?
Oh no, I'm entering my own world.
"Please, don't hate me."
Pleading that was all I could manage.
But Toya-kun responded to that plea.
As he hugged me, he whispered in my ear.
"I feel like I can live through any future as long as I'm with Airi. I don't want a future without Airi. That's why I'm thinking only of Airi."
I'm the same.
I don't want a tomorrow without Toya-kun.
"I love you, Airi."
I am saved by those words.
I am healed by those words.
With those words, I can live tomorrow.
But... is it okay?
What is Toya-kun's dream?
If we can live together, Toya-kun, you can do anything, okay?
"I was told by sensei, so I looked into it a bit. It seems I can get a job with an income enough to feed Airi."
You were thinking that far ahead.
If that's the case, you should have said...
"I haven't thought as far as what I'll become. I'll just enjoy the present. That's all I'm thinking about."
I see, I understand.
Wait, Toya-kun...
"Are you inside my mind?"
"Yeah."
I became embarrassed.
I'm completely naked inside Toya-kun, aren't I.
My body began to heat up.
"Looking at Airi, you seemed terribly frightened, so I tried entering Airi's world for a bit. It seems it was the right answer."
This is more embarrassing than when we're in the bath together.
"Toya-kun, you pervert."
From now on, please ask for permission before coming in.
Ah, I'm the same, aren't I.
I was giggling to myself.
"Airi, are you okay?"
Toya-kun, you can enter my world, right.
Then, peek inside.
Because I'll tell you my current feelings honestly.
Toya-kun was a bit bewildered.
And he shook his head.
Eh? No?
Maybe I'll try to pull him in forcibly.
As I wrapped my arms around Toya-kun's neck, I softly closed my eyes.
Toya-kun's lips overlapped with mine.
"!?"
Toya-kun's lips held my tongue in his mouth.
When did you learn such a technique?
That technique wasn't in the DVDs, right?
Did you look it up on the internet again?
It was the first time I had kissed for such a long time.
While I was entranced, enjoying the time with Toya-kun.
Knock knock.
"It's about time you went to take a bath."
Maya-san says.
Maya-san's timing is too bad.
But tonight's Toya-kun was a bit different.
"...Want to go in together?"
I finally made those words come out of Toya-kun's mouth.
What is this sense of accomplishment?
I want to hug him with both hands and scream "Kyaa!"
But I'll endure it here.
To borrow Toya-kun's words, is this a "line I've wanted to say at least once in my life"?
"Geez... idiot!"
Toya-kun is surprised and bewildered.
"If you don't want to, we'll go in separately."
There's no way that's the case.
Notice it.
Look properly into my eyes and talk to me.
You know what I want to say, right?
It was just the day we had the three-party meeting.
A day where nothing happened.
Not even a special day.
On such a day, Toya-kun was gentle to me.
Should I make today an anniversary?
What date is today again?
In that vein, I want him to fill the year with anniversaries.
I want him to make my heart throb all year round.
...Actually, my heart is throbbing.
Toward Toya-kun, who becomes gentler as the days pass.
I can't let myself be outdone.
I want to present a heart-throb to you.
You said it during the school trip.
Let's carve out memories together.