Chapter 32 - A Tiny Heart
(1)
December.
There's finally very little left of this year.
It's still too early for snow, but it's cold.
Naturally, getting out of the futon becomes a chore.
"Good morning, Toya-kun."
"...Good morning."
Airi is as energetic as ever.
It's cold, and I don't want to leave the futon.
Inside the futon is cozy.
"You're going to be late,"
Airi says.
"I don't want to go outside."
"Snap out of it!"
Kanna mercilessly peels back the futon.
"Ugh... it's cold."
"Get ready right now."
"We'll head downstairs first."
The two of them say that and leave the room.
Reluctantly, I change clothes and leave the room.
"Ugh... I'm sleepy."
"Were you staying up late again?"
"No..."
When it's cold, you wrap yourself in blankets and a futon, right?
It feels good, right?
And then you get sleepy, right?
Summer or winter.
If asked which I prefer, I'm the type to answer "winter" instantly.
I wonder if the two of them like summer?
Or are they the type who don't really care?
"Toya-kun, if you keep spacing out, it'll be time to go."
It's a phrase that has become a daily routine throughout this year.
After eating my meal sluggishly, I go to the washbasin.
I deliberately wash my face with cold water to get my spirits up.
It's freezing.
It fires me up.
Alright, I'm good.
"Well, shall we go?"
When I return to the living room, the two of them stand up.
Picking up our jackets and scarves, we headed for school.
Lately, the two of them seem to be getting along well... or is it just my imagination?
...It might be my imagination.
I had my bag over my shoulder. Both my arms were being held.
You know those photos of aliens being captured?
It's like that.
The two of them had robbed me of the freedom of both my arms.
"Isn't Kanna clinging a bit too much?"
"No she isn't, Airi."
Yeah, it really is my imagination.
Why is someone like that popular?
That kind of gaze is harsh.
I walk with my head down.
"What's wrong, Toya-kun?"
"It's dangerous if you don't look ahead, Toya."
The two of them call out to me.
I want them to leave me alone.
The two of them probably won't understand this feeling for the rest of their lives.
"By the way, have you thought about your plans for Christmas, Toya-kun?"
"No, not really..."
That one phrase seemed to rub Airi the wrong way.
"Not really... you don't mean you're not doing anything, right!?"
It was exactly that.
It's cold even if you go outside, so wouldn't it be fine to just eat cake at home?
"Toya... take her somewhere."
"Where is 'somewhere'..."
"Let's see... Ah, maybe the illuminations would be good? I heard the area in front of the station is amazing."
Well, not just in front of the station, but Central Street is doing them too.
"Ah, Toya-kun. That sounds good to me."
Airi is keen too.
But...
"What about you, Kanna?"
"Me? I'll spend it at home with my parents."
Eh?
"I'm not going to do something as tactless as getting in the way of you two until Christmas."
Kanna says, laughing.
"Then, it's decided, Toya-kun!"
Airi says, frolicking.
I was concerned.
Kanna, isn't your aunt working on Christmas?
(2)
Winter break begins.
I want to finish my homework by New Year's.
And then spend a lazy New Year's... as if I'd be allowed to do that.
I sigh, looking at Kanna and Airi who have come to my room.
"What's wrong, Toya?"
Kanna, who has completely settled into the habit of studying, asked.
"No, I just thought I'd like to spend New Year's relaxing..."
"You were thinking about that?"
Kanna looks exasperated.
"It's fine, really."
Huh?
Usually, Airi would throw a tantrum saying "I want to go somewhere!"
Today she is unusually obedient.
"Studying relaxedly in a room isn't so bad, right?"
Ah, no. That's not it...
I stopped myself from saying more.
I feel like I'd make her angry again.
"But is it okay if you don't go back to your parents' house for New Year's?"
"I think Eri-chan and Papa-san are going back."
"And Airi?"
"I'm spending the New Year with Toya-kun♪"
Airi answers as if it's a matter of course.
"Then, I guess I'll be at Toya's house too."
"Is it okay if you're not with your mother?"
"What? Are you saying I'll be in the way if I'm with you?"
"N-no, it's not like that."
"Then, it's decided. Toya, you're going for the first shrine visit of the year, right?"
"If the local shrine is okay..."
Actually, I wanted to spend it watching comedy shows...
"Ah, I have to watch that. I wonder if they're doing it this year?"
"I wonder."
"I hope there is one."
"In Tokyo, you can see it every year, right?"
"Yeah."
"Then, let's watch that, eat soba, and then go."
"True."
"...There'll be a huge line, you know?"
"It's no big deal."
"That's right."
It seems the year-end and New Year's schedule has been decided between the two of them.
"That aside, you've made plans for the day after tomorrow, right?"
The day after tomorrow is Christmas.
Naturally, I've thought about it.
"I've thought about it."
"Really!? There was something I wanted to eat."
How could I go to such an expensive restaurant? For the most part, it's not the kind of place middle schoolers go to, right?
"...Wouldn't it be better to spend it with your parents?"
"I'm spending Eve with Toya-kun!"
"Then, on Christmas..."
"Rie-chan says she'll be waiting after going all out with her cooking."
Ah, I'm being invited.
"How about you, Kanna? Want to come to my place on Christmas?"
"No, I'll pass. I'll spend it at home."
"Really? How boring—"
"You two spend it slowly together."
"That's for Eve."
"I have circumstances at my house too."
"...Then it can't be helped."
Airi looks crestfallen.
Is it my imagination?
Kanna's expression also seemed to show a hint of shadow.
(3)
Christmas Eve.
Devout believers would have gone to church to pray.
However, for most people, that has nothing to do with it.
Every restaurant is selling Christmas dinners, people flock to jewelry stores for presents, and love hotel sales are apparently exploding.
Even we middle schoolers are on a date like this.
Though, for dinner we just ate fried chicken, and for cake, we just ate cake bought from a cake shop in the park.
We also exchanged presents then.
From me, a silver bracelet. "T&A" is engraved on it. They are matching ones.
From Airi, I received a hand-knitted scarf.
When did she knit this?
After that, we looked at the illuminations in front of the station and took photos.
While trying to take a selfie sitting on a bench decorated with illuminations, a passerby asked, "Shall I take it for you?" and took the photo for us.
After that, Airi took photos while walking down the street.
Perhaps noticing that I had a gloomy look on my face, Airi asks, "What's wrong?"
"No, it's about Kanna..."
"Eh?"
Because it was dark, I couldn't see well, but Airi's expression clouded over.
"Her aunt... she's working today."
"..."
"She's probably working tomorrow too."
Since it's the peak season.
"...I can't believe it."
"Eh?"
"Why are you talking about Kanna now? Who is the person you're on a date with, Toya-kun? Who has Toya-kun been thinking about this whole time?"
"Ah..."
I thought I'd messed up, but it was already too late.
"...I'm going home."
"Wait!"
"If you're so worried about Kanna, then go to Kanna's house!"
Passersby are looking this way.
Regardless of that, Airi headed for the bus stop.
Of course, I chased after her.
We got on the bus together, but she wouldn't say a word to me.
"Airi..."
"Shut up! Don't talk to me!"
Airi shouts loudly inside the bus.
Naturally, attention gathers on us.
"Customer, please be quiet inside the bus..."
Getting off the bus, Airi walks straight and fast toward her house.
"Airi, please listen to me."
"No! I'm breaking up with Toya-kun!"
My heart throbbed.
That... I don't want that.
If I don't stop her here, it will really be over.
I couldn't care about appearances anymore.
I ran and hugged Airi from behind.
"!?"
For a moment, Airi's movement stopped. But...
"Let go. I'll call for help loudly."
Airi's voice was as cold as ice.
But if I let go, it will be over.
"No, I won't let go. Please, just listen to me!"
I refused to back down.
"...Then, at the park."
And so, we headed to a nearby park.
The two of us sit on a bench.
I am gripping Airi's arm.
Usually, it's the other way around.
"If Kanna saw us like this, wouldn't Kanna be sad?"
Still a cold voice.
"I'm sorry about earlier... I wasn't thinking."
"You were thinking about Kanna unconsciously?"
"It's not that."
"...I'm going home after all."
Airi says, standing up.
But I keep gripping her arm.
Airi tries to shake off my arm and leave.
Once more, I hug her from behind.
At that moment, I noticed.
That Airi is crying.
"If you don't let go, I'll call for help."
"Listen to me until the end!"
"...I don't know if I'll listen until the end, but if it's a story about Kanna, I don't want to hear it!"
"So you'll listen if it's not a story about Kanna?"
"...What else is there?"
"I'll tell you... the reason I fell in love with Airi."
Airi reacts with a twitch.
"...Alright."
Good, I managed to stop her.
"Then, I'll tell you. It was when I was in fifth grade..."
"Eh? Fifth grade?"
"Yeah..."
What I'm about to tell is a story from when I was in fifth grade.
(4)
In April of fifth grade, when I left the house, I was supposed to go to school with neighborhood friends.
However, I, who left the house energetically, stopped immediately.
A cute girl coming out of the house two doors down from mine.
Though we were in different classes, she was reputed to be smart and capable of handling anything.
Needless to say, it was Airi.
With a good personality, Airi headed for school while greeting the neighbors brightly.
Her smile looked very dazzling.
At that moment, I learned for the first time what love at first sight was.
But such a girl... I was just watching her.
Airi greeted me too.
But I couldn't do it.
I was too embarrassed to say anything.
For about a year, I was just an existence that watched.
There were many people who sent her love letters.
But it seems she rejected them all.
It was obvious that if I confessed to such a girl, I would be brushed off lightly.
The honor student and the inferior student.
That wall looked tremendously large.
Looking at Airi made me feel miserable.
But before I knew it, I was always looking at Airi.
By watching, I noticed.
The environment surrounding Airi.
Jealousy and envy.
...Those things were eroding Airi.
When I crossed the classroom, Airi was crying alone.
Thinking that, I made an effort.
Quietly putting indoor shoes that had been hidden back in place. Erasing graffiti written on the desk so as not to be noticed...
An unrequited love.
Even so, it was fine.
I didn't want to see Airi crying.
I wanted her to be smiling forever.
About a year later, while I was taking care of a puppy in the park, Airi spoke to me.
She had prepared milk and a dish she brought, and was soaking bread in it.
"Can I help take care of it from now on?"
Of course, I readily agreed.
After that, we took care of it together for a while.
It was fun.
But it didn't last long.
One day, a poster Airi brought.
It said an owner had been found.
Parting with the puppy was lonely, but...
Thinking that I was also parting with Airi made me lonely.
Again...
Then, suddenly, Airi says to me.
"...Can I call you by your first name from now on?"
Eh? What does that mean?
I expected something a little.
"I don't mind, though?"
Airi was happy.
Did we become a little more intimate with this?
After that, we started going to school together often, and talked often at school too.
"Are you two dating?"
Every time that was said, Airi would deny it, saying "That's not it."
"I guess so, huh~?"
When told that, I could only say "Yeah."
I was lonely.
It was the same during Valentine's.
I didn't receive any at school.
I hadn't expected any, though.
But, while I was playing games at home, suddenly Airi says she's come.
Pretending I hadn't expected it, I went downstairs and there was a soaking wet Airi.
What she handed me was a wrapped box.
Chocolate!?
Just as I was about to tear the wrapping paper in happiness, she says "Do it later" and runs out of the house.
Returning to my room, I peeled it off; there was a message inside with the chocolate.
I like you. Please go out with me. Would that be impossible? Your answer, tomorrow after school in the classroom.
No way!?
I felt like my breath stopped.
My chest was full of joy.
I'll give a proper answer tomorrow!
But it could be a prank, right?
It could be a mistake, right?
The answer to both was no.
She was absent that day.
Apparently, she caught a cold.
Because she came soaking wet...
Is it okay if the answer is the next day?
Is it okay?
Will it end up becoming ambiguous?
I was thinking about things like that.
Before I knew it, I was in front of Airi's house.
Am I going?
Will I be turned away by Airi-mama?
I already had an acquaintance with Airi-mama.
If I don't go, everything will end.
I steeled my resolve and rang the doorbell.
Airi-mama guided me to the room.
And... we ended up dating.
Airi, who was always bright, was dazzling.
Airi was hopelessly cute with that bright voice.
She is always looking at me.
But at first, I was afraid of people finding out we were dating.
"You're not a match for her."
Because I was afraid of being told that.
The honor student and the inferior student.
That wall appeared before me again.
Is it really okay for it to be me?
But even so, Airi smiles for me.
I can't do anything for her.
If so, at least...
"I'm dating Airi."
Saying it once made me feel at ease.
After that, Airi's actions became bold.
I pretended to dislike it, but that wasn't the case.
I was happy.
The miracle of meeting Airi.
The miracle of getting to know Airi.
The miracle of receiving a confession.
I want to be smiling by Airi's side forever.
I don't want to let go of this happiness.
Someday I'll tell her, that I'm glad I met Airi.
(5)
My story ended there.
Airi had been listening in silence the whole time.
Even after the story ended, she remained silent.
A silence flowed for a while.
The one who broke the silence was Airi.
"...Why?"
"What?"
"Why have you been silent until now?"
"There was no opportunity, I didn't have the courage to say it. But I thought if I didn't say it now, it would really be over. Sorry, I'm the type who can't act until it's urgent."
"You didn't... just make that up on the spot, did you?"
"I didn't!"
For some reason, she is crying.
Is it no good after all?
"...Let go."
"No, I won't let go until you forgive me."
"Then, I'll never forgive you."
Eh?
Is it no good?
My strength leaves me.
Damn it!
However, at that moment, she doesn't leave, and when I turn around, she hugs me.
"I'll absolutely never forgive you... so never let me go for the rest of your life."
"Eh?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't know anything about Toya-kun's feelings. I didn't notice that you felt that way."
Did I make her cry again?
Airi speaks while crying.
"No, if I didn't say it, you wouldn't notice, right? Sorry... are you still angry?"
"No. Then, from now on, tell me properly. Convey what you're thinking clearly. I'll do the same."
"Yeah... can I say something right away?"
"What is it?"
Airi tilts her head.
I kiss such an Airi.
Since I've never done it, I don't know if I did it well, but I press my tongue against her lips.
"N...?"
She realized and opened her mouth slightly, accepting my tongue.
I think it was less than a minute in time, but it felt very long.
After the kiss, I said this.
"I'm happy."
"I'm happy too," Airi says, pressing her face against my chest.
It was cold because it was night, but we were warm.