Chapter 332 - Love is, in essence, an Illusion (1)
"Toya-kun, good morning! It's morning~"
I'm still sleepy, but I don't want to spoil Airi's mood, so I psych myself up and wake up.
"Good morning, Airi."
Once I exchange morning greetings with Airi, she becomes high-spirited.
"You're being obedient today. Good. Wash your face, get dressed, and let's go!"
Following Airi's instructions, I wash my face, trim my beard, and eat breakfast.
When I return to the room, Airi begins getting ready.
We leave one hour earlier than yesterday.
As usual, there are many people waiting.
I talk with Airi until the park opens.
I create a route while hammering into my head the places Airi wants to see, which she had written onto the map in the pamphlet.
That said, it will likely depend on the congestion.
It seems Airi had been thinking about a route as well.
I develop the route while listening to Airi's suggestions.
"I'm looking forward to it!"
Seeing Airi's smile makes me look forward to it too.
The opening time arrives.
We were able to enter the park relatively quickly.
We hurry toward the first attraction.
There are relatively many ride-type attractions.
There seem to be many that make loud noises in the darkness.
"Kyaa!"
Airi clings to me.
As this repeats, Airi eventually gets depressed.
"Uuu..."
When Airi is depressed, it's my role to help her.
"Airi, there's something I want to ride next, is that okay?"
"It's okay?"
I lead Airi and move.
We board a gondola to enjoy the charming canal scenery and romantic atmosphere.
We ride the attraction with those slogans.
Airi's mood seems to have improved.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?"
"It really is."
We eat dinner, watch the parade, and go shopping.
Sweets, miscellaneous goods, apparel—a colorful variety is available.
I enjoy shopping with Airi while visiting the shops one by one.
After shopping, we use the delivery service to send our luggage home.
And so, the day ended.
Airi, having made a round of the attractions, seemed satisfied and was in a good mood.
At times like this, I must not show a face that looks tired.
"It was fun, wasn't it?"
"Yeah! But Toya-kun, you didn't eat much, are you okay?"
"I'll eat a lot once we get back."
"I see~, I'll forgive you this time♪"
I received Airi's seal of approval. I wonder what I should eat.
After we both take showers, we turn on the TV and relax.
I checked the actions of the Watanabe group for today.
(2)
"Iori~ Kisaragi-kun is here."
"Coming~"
I head outside with my bag in hand.
Then, I greet Sho-chan, who is waiting at the entrance.
"Looks like you're ready. Shall we go?"
Today is an aquarium date with Sho-chan.
Sho-chan was irritated by the traffic jam, but I try to distract him by talking to him.
While doing so, our turn comes. The "FULL" sign blocks us.
"Sho, Sho-chan..."
"I really have no trust, do I. I thought that for making memories with Iori, things like anger weren't necessary."
"S-sorry..."
"Well, I've complained plenty until now, so it can't be helped. But don't worry, I'm mindful enough of that."
"Yeah."
Sho-chan probably has some thoughts about it.
He's changing little by little.
He's becoming someone other than the Sho-chan from before.
I felt joy in being the one who could sense Sho-chan's changes the fastest.
Inside the aquarium, Sho-chan held my hand and escorted me.
...I want to look around a bit more slowly.
When I try to take a photo of the jellyfish that change colors...
"We can come here anytime, so there's no need to take photos!"
...he scolded me.
I wonder if he'll bring me back anytime.
Sho-chan, who had said "It's a show for kids. How pointless" while watching the sea lion and dolphin shows, was completely absorbed in them.
After that, we bought souvenirs at the gift shop and headed back.
I thought we were going home.
However, the car proceeds in the opposite direction.
"It'd be boring to just go home like this, right?"
I enjoyed a drive with Sho-chan.
I couldn't call Sho-chan's driving skillful, even as a compliment.
But I could tell that since that training camp, he's been trying to drive safely.
It's my role to restrain Sho-chan when he gets worked up and tries to chase after cars that tailgated or overtook him.
Sho-chan understood.
After eating dinner, we park the car in a park and talk for a bit.
Sho-chan listens to me looking bored.
I'm sorry my vocabulary is lacking.
Once the conversation reaches a natural break, we start heading home.
"What do you want to do tomorrow?"
Sho-chan said.
"Anywhere you like, Sho-chan."
"Really?"
He surely won't go anywhere strange.
I don't think we've reached that stage yet.
I was right.
"I want to go to Hita?"
What's in Hita?
"I heard the castle town is beautiful. I thought Iori would like that kind of thing."
He thought about me.
But anywhere is fine with me. As long as I'm with Sho-chan.
"Okay."
I conveyed that in one word.
We arrive home.
"Well then, see you tomorrow."
As I say that and try to get out of the car, he stops me.
I wonder what's wrong?
That thought is immediately blown away.
Sho-chan pulls me and presses his lips against mine.
Our first kiss.
My mind went blank and I didn't really understand.
He says one thing to me.
"Well then, see you tomorrow."
Saying that, Sho-chan drove away.
Even after returning home and going back to my room, it still doesn't feel real.
Sho-chan is always sudden, and he always surprises me.
A message arrived.
"Sorry for the suddenness, I actually wanted to do it at the park, but I was worried about other people."
Sho-chan has shyness too.
"It's okay, don't worry about it."
After sending that message, I take a bath and relax alone.
I wonder what kind of day awaits me tomorrow?
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Something like a momentary dream.
Once it wakes, emptiness attacks.
But Sho-chan will overwrite it again.
Is love found at the end of that accumulation?
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Wanting to touch joy, I run toward tomorrow.
(3)
In the morning, he came to pick me up.
I head to school in his car.
When we arrive at school, we walk to the gymnasium.
Everyone had already started practicing.
After he changes, he immediately begins practicing.
Mizushima-senpai and Sakura-senpai were also participating in the practice.
During the break, Mizushima-senpai asks him a question.
"Sho, is this okay? You should take her somewhere at least on her day off."
"I've invited her to dinner after practice today."
"You're quite the opportunist too. Where do you plan to take her?"
"To the Italian restaurant Katagiri-senpai mentioned..."
"Ah, the one in town. Then, are you staying over tonight?"
"No, it's not like that."
"Sho! Don't say unnecessary things!!"
Sakura-senpai warns Mizushima-senpai, saying that he's Chitose's first boyfriend!
"Well, do your best," Mizushima-senpai says.
When practice ends, Takatsuki-kun changes and comes over saying, "Sorry to keep you waiting."
We park the car in town and start walking through the shopping district.
The restaurant was located slightly away from the shopping district.
The inside of the shop consisted of private rooms, each with a curtain.
We order food while chatting and talk while eating.
I never get tired of listening to his stories.
We didn't talk about basketball at all.
Just as the topics of conversation were about to run out, it became time for the last order.
After finishing our juice, we settle the bill and leave the shop.
"Thank you for the meal."
"It's fine, it's only natural."
Then, just as I suggest we go home, he asks, "Do you have a little time?"
He drives and moves to the local airport in Kunisaki.
We park the car in a small park and watch the airplanes.
Apparently, it's his favorite place.
"I've liked airplanes since I was young."
He says.
Talking about the past, he was frolicking like a child.
And once he finished talking, the car arrives home.
A message arrived.
It's from my Big Brother.
"Chii, where are you!? Don't tell me you don't intend to come home today?"
"I'm somewhere in Kitsuki. I'll be back today. I contacted Mother and the others."
"I won't forgive it if you are defiled before you've even been dating for a month... Ow!"
"Chii-chan, don't mind him and enjoy yourself slowly."
Kanna-san says.
"Yes," I answered.
"Was it your Big Brother?"
"I don't think it's a big deal..."
"I see, then it's fine."
He says that maybe it was bad to drag me around until late at night on our first date.
I don't know what's bad about it.
I arrived home.
As I get out of the car, I see him off.
There's nothing today.
It felt a bit insufficient, and I was lonely.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Something that plays a momentary dream.
People intoxicate themselves in that dream and forget reality.
However, when one wakes from the dream, what remains is loneliness.
That's why love is a painful thing.
Even so, because there is another tomorrow, people live for love.
People fall in love.
A journey walking upon a long rail.
While being blown by the wind and maintaining balance.
An answer is nowhere to be found.
But that's fine.
Just proceeding as I flow.
Unable to admit my own weakness, I cling to love and live on.
That's because everyone surely wants to believe in the self that is here now.
Forgetting the days that have passed, I start walking.
Wanting to touch joy, I run toward tomorrow.
(4)
Clink clink.
"Welcome."
Kitamura-san seems to have recovered.
Her eyes are back to normal.
"The usual, please."
"Coffee, right. Certainly."
Saying that, she writes on the slip and heads to the kitchen.
Kitamura-san has gotten used to it.
Kuribayashi-kun also comes every day.
The ones here today are Kuribayashi-kun and Akira-chan.
Ichinose-san is on a date with Nakajima-kun.
They have various problems too.
It's a good opportunity, so they should go on a date or something.
I move to follow up on Kitamura-san.
Regardless, I can't take my eyes off her.
Because she possesses the special skill of tripping even where there is nothing.
That said, as long as she's hired for a part-time job, I have to make her a full-fledged worker.
I've left the customer service of the staff of the Watanabe group to her.
Today, Kuribayashi-kun is sitting at the counter... next to Akira-chan.
He's talking with Akira-chan.
The seed of the topic is about Kitamura-san, though.
Kitamura-san looks at Kuribayashi-kun occasionally.
Is there something she wants to talk about?
While I'm thinking that, Kitamura-san makes a move.
"Thank you very much for yesterday."
"Ah, you don't have to worry about it. I just did what's natural as a human being."
"Is that so."
Was I the only one who saw a slightly lonely expression?
If it were Katagiri-kun, he probably would have sensed something, but unfortunately, I don't possess that kind of skill.
"Was it Kuribayashi-san? Don't you go out to play? With your girlfriend?"
"Unfortunately, I don't have such a partner. I'm desperate to make one right now, though."
"Heh, so you have such a person."
Kitamura-san is clearly shaken.
She still has a face that looks uninterested, but for her to bring up such a topic herself, I wonder if there was some change in her feelings.
Kuribayashi-kun continues the conversation.
"That person doesn't take an interest in me. I'm troubled because I don't know what to do."
Kitamura-san listens to the story in silence.
"What would you do?"
Kuribayashi-kun brought up the subject.
"Wouldn't it be better to give up? That person probably isn't interested in those things."
"...Have you ever been in love?"
"No. I've never thought I wanted to be."
"I think love is when you're told to give up, but you can't fully give up. You just can't stop thinking about that person."
I can understand the feeling, but still.
One wrong step and that's a stalker.
"...Have you never thought about the nuisance to that person? That person might want to be left alone."
"I thought about it... but it can't be helped. But because I think about the nuisance, I've become cowardly and can't confess my feelings."
"...I can't understand. I think it would be faster if Kuribayashi-san looked for someone else."
"The fact that you can't replace them with someone else is what it means to like a person."
I understand Kitamura-san's feelings too, but is this the nature of men? I end up sympathizing with Kuribayashi-kun.
Because such feelings are painful, people try to seal away the emotion called love.
But the feelings that cannot be suppressed are the emotion called love.
The emotion called love is something that can't be helped.
What is it that I can say?
"Maybe you just need time."
Akira-chan said.
"I've had similar feelings. It took nearly a year before I was finally able to convey my feelings to that person. Now, I live happily with that person."
"Is that about your husband?"
Kitamura-san seemed to take an interest.
"Yes, my husband also seemed bothered at first. He didn't try to yield to me at all. I continued to visit every day without giving up. If it weren't for the power of the Watanabe group, the present might not exist."
"The divine favor of the Watanabe group is amazing, isn't it."
Kuribayashi-kun says.
There are some forceful parts, though.
But that forcefulness might be necessary at times.
However, it doesn't reach Kitamura-san's heart.
"...It's an emotion I don't need. I don't want to obtain it, and I don't even feel interest."
"Everyone is the same at first. But once you touch that kindness, you can't let go. It's not about logic. It's just something that can't be helped."
"Is that so."
Kitamura-san insists that it has nothing to do with her.
"I've finished my coffee, so I'm going home. Again..."
Saying that, Kuribayashi-kun left.
I thought now was the time to push, but was I wrong?
But Akira-chan had a smile on her face.
Even I noticed the reason.
It was obvious if you looked at Kitamura-san's expression as she followed his retreating figure.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
People are bewildered by a faint dream.
And as it seems to soak into the heart, once you've known it, you can't let go.
People struggle to obtain it.
To obtain the real thing, they fear no risk.
But because they don't want to lose it, people become cowardly.
It might be easier to simply state that romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Romantic love is a fleeting illusion.
That's precisely why people dream and long for it.
Endlessly continuing to pursue things that are out of reach.
(5)
I was driving along the coastline with Nakajima-kun.
It was a course where we'd go as far as Nobeoka and eat chicken nanban on the way back.
The sea was beautiful.
A horizon that continued forever.
His driving was very polite, and we ran along the coastline comfortably.
Occasionally we were tailgated, but he silently turned on the hazard lamps and gave way.
I thought his driving had changed since that day.
However, he himself probably hasn't sorted things out yet.
When he forcefully enters the opposite lane, his hand suddenly reaches for the shift lever.
But he clicks his tongue lightly and releases the shift lever.
Am I robbing him of his freedom?
I become anxious.
To dispel such anxiety, I talk to him.
He answers brightly.
We enter Nobeoka city and eat lunch.
We ordered chicken nanban.
Katagiri-kun said the chicken nanban at this shop is exquisite.
It seems Katagiri-kun's sense of taste is also reliable.
It certainly is delicious.
The two of us got excited saying so.
"What do you want to do after this?"
There's still plenty of time.
"Let's see. Maybe we could take a detour somewhere..."
"If it's okay, I want to go home via the national highway instead of using the expressway."
"That's fine."
Apparently, he wants to stop at a roadside station along the way.
He drove stably on the way back as well.
If tailgated by a truck, he gave way.
His expression was grim, but I had heard from Tosaka-san that it's my role to wipe away the emotions such a man holds.
"Your driving has changed."
"Eh?"
"The fear from before is gone. I can ride with peace of mind."
"I'm glad to hear that."
He smiles.
We stop at the roadside station.
There's a hot spring; that was the goal, wasn't it.
If I can heal him while he's tired.
I consented.
I enter the Japanese-style bath and soak slowly.
After soaking leisurely and leaving the bath, he had already come out.
"Sorry, I accidentally took my time."
"It's fine, I'm glad you could rest."
Such ordinary conversation makes me anxious.
Am I forcing him?
Is making him accompany me becoming a burden to him?
Am I just imposing my selfishness?
Such worries ended up being unfounded.
"It's just as Katagiri-kun said."
"Eh?"
There are various ways to enjoy a car.
It's not just about speed.
There's also the enjoyment of spending time slowly flowing with a lover.
Those were the words Katagiri-kun said.
"I felt it for the first time today. Being able to go for a drive like this with Honoka."
"...Yeah."
"Shall we go far away again next time? Maybe for about one night."
"I'll think about it once Ryuji-kun gets a job."
We eat dinner on the way back and return home.
"Well then, see you tomorrow at the Blue Bird."
"Yes, I'll be waiting."
Saying that, he went home.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
A sweet, sweet dream.
A fragile thing that seems like it would break if touched.
To keep it from being hurt, I wrap it in layers of kindness.
I gently put it away in a box called consideration.
That's why it sometimes becomes invisible.
I lose sight of it.
At times like that, let's gently take it out of the box and confirm.
Let's confirm each other's feelings.
Everyone lives while harboring dependency, jealousy, and slyness.
Even so, I like people. And I love you.
Unable to admit my own weakness, I cling to love and recognize it every time I get hurt.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
A very faint dream.
Once you know it, you live without ever being able to forget it.
Over and over and over again, we live.
(6)
Why did I ask such a thing?
Why did I talk to him?
I curse my own careless actions.
Kindness seeps in and I learn my own weakness.
While riding the train and gazing at the flowing rural scenery, I think.
When I reach the terminus, I transfer.
The town I live in is three stations away from there.
The station is unmanned.
After paying the fare with electronic money, I head to the bento shop and buy a bento, then buy juice from a vending machine.
When I return home, it's the usual scenery.
Then, I eat the bento alone, take a bath, turn on the TV, and look at my smartphone.
Notification arrives that the lovers went on a date today as well.
"It's not something you can give up on just because you think you should."
He says.
"The feeling of liking one single human being, and no one else."
I will probably never respond to those feelings in my entire life.
I wonder why?
A night where, for some reason today, it feels empty.
I think alone.
Why is my heart so shaken?
I don't want to be involved in troublesome matters.
The barrier of the heart I stubbornly protected thinking so.
I long for the light that shone into the days that were slightly created.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Something I will never obtain in my entire life.
If I'm afraid of losing.
If I'm afraid of being hurt.
If I'm afraid of being betrayed.
It's fine if I never obtain it for my whole life.
But now that I've touched kindness.
It seeps into my dry heart.
They say everyone lives while harboring dependency, jealousy, and slyness.
What should I be dependent on?
Who am I jealous of?
Am I cowardly?
As if to distance the seeping emotions, while fearing those emotions, I'm running away from those emotions.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Something I'll never obtain in my life.
I don't even think about obtaining it.
As if running away from being hurt, from losing, from being betrayed.
Tears trail down my cheeks.
Why am I crying?
Carrying that meaning, I fell asleep alone again today.
(7)
Today I went to the Sea of Dreams.
I thought ride-types were okay.
I didn't think there would be those horror-types.
Without thinking, I clung to Toya-kun and screamed.
I felt unsightly and was depressed.
Toya-kun says, "Is there something you want to ride?"
Occasionally, I have to grant Toya-kun's requests too.
I might expose my unsightly self again.
But the attraction Toya-kun chose was just a gondola.
"It's beautiful, isn't it."
Toya-kun says and smiles.
"It really is."
I say and smile back.
After that, I go around the park with Toya-kun.
We ate dinner, watched the parade, visited shops, and spent time until closing time.
Since souvenirs become luggage, we entrust them to the delivery service.
Tomorrow is finally the day to return to my hometown.
Toya-kun has taken a shower and is relaxing on the bed.
I also take a shower and dry my hair.
Toya-kun is watching TV.
I was looking at my smartphone.
Everyone in the Watanabe group was spending their daily lives.
"Did something interesting happen?"
Even though he could just look at his own smartphone, he looks in as if peeking at mine.
I understood immediately that it's not that he's curious about the contents of the smartphone, but that he's enjoying the skinship with me.
"It looks like Kitamura-san made a move~"
"Heh~"
I show Toya-kun that part.
Toya-kun was laughing.
"Once we get back, we'll have to have another banquet or something."
Toya-kun says.
"Well, then Toya-kun will have to work hard."
"Eh?"
"The trip to Korea, and winning the spring tournament consecutively. That's the victory party."
"Is it okay to leave that much of a gap?"
"It'll be fine, surely."
"But I think we'll probably have a send-off party or something?"
"Maybe?"
The smartphone is already gone from my hand.
I am in Toya-kun's arms.
He puts the blanket over me, then turns off the TV and dims the lights.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
Nothing is this sweet.
Wrapped in kindness.
Touching his heart directly.
Occasionally we hurt each other.
But we obtain the means to heal each other.
No matter how many times we are hurt.
It's something that is repaired over and over again.
As we age, the bond becomes stronger and we seek each other like magnets.
Romantic love is, in essence, an illusion.
A dream shared by both.
Seeking and being attracted to each other.
Something that no one can change.
No one might understand it.
That's precisely why it has value.
We had become those two people.
Toya-kun is enveloping me and breathing in his sleep.
Thank you always.
I don't know if I can return it.
But even if I spend my entire life, I'll show you that I can respond to your feelings.
Until then, please stay with me.